Dave, (and I've suggested this to you before) I fully believe that what will benefit you most is someone with professional knowledge and experience in dealing with your issues. Having people on the end of a computer comment and give you advice can only do so much to make you feel better. (and solve those problems) I am very sorry you're struggling in your life, and more... I wish that you would seek help with someone (in person) that could actually help you.
Happy Easter to you Dave... (also, this is probably a great time to visit your place of worship and to share in the physical presence of other kindred spirits.)
~ There'll be Chocolate, if God wills it. ~