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Thread: Drunk History

  1. #21
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Quote Originally Posted by blunthead View Post
    I might've already posted about this before...

    3 to 11 shift going home, Michigan dead of winter, fellow 3-11 worker, car frozen. It won't open, cigarette lighters unhelpful, peeing on lock made it worse much worse.

    The deal was drive him to the bar where his GF worked, I did.

    Went inside, I don't remember the reason, probably dead of winter, and they were "closing", which in the case of some bars apparently means staff remains til all remaining alcohol has been consumed.

    Sat at table with buncha bars employees. "Here!" a free Budweiser. "Here!" a free shot of Jack. Barely get the Bud finished, "Here!" and "Here!", another Bud, another shot.

    I was raised to be polite, which in my case used to mean having no idea how to say "no". Plus, I had not eaten all day and the alcohol, the molecules of which which pass unhindered directly from the bloodstream into brain cells, began to interfere with my judgment as was the concept of free booze.

    We were there a long time, much longer obviously than necessary for me to hold up my end of the bargain, getting drunker and drunker each minute. I found myself in a condition I didn't know how to deal with. The roads were very dangerous. I wondered if someone was gonna have to drive me, I didn't need this, I was tired, had no energy - no food all day! - only wanted to get back to the apartment.

    "Here!".

    When I finally arose I remember making a mental note of the time for posterity. It was 3:30am. We'd been drinking obsessively for almost four hours. The fellow worker followed me out to my car. He was sincerely worried, and asked me if I was alright to drive, and I don't remember what else he said if anything. I heard myself unintentionally abusing the English language meaning to answer, "Oh yeah, I'll be fine", and thinking Just lemme sit down behind the wheel and maybe I'll remember how to drive and where I live.

    Chose expressway because it was salted. But could only see three, four, five lanes, not even just two, not to mention just one. Hadda work hard to remain upright. Work hard to keep track of my speed because glancing down from the road to see the speedometer then back up must've taken oh ten seconds each time. And half the time I would miss the speedometer and still have no idea of my speed since I couldn't tell if I was crawling along or flying. Came up with what I considered at the time a brilliant way to stay in one lane: I would close one eye and watch with it for a while, then give that eye rest by closing it and switching to the other eye. The incorporation of this process was the only way I had a chance of arriving home, which I finally did.

    I couldn't get any of the keys to work on the apartment door. I tried them all. I finally realized I was gonna have to break into my own apartment despite having the key right there. How pitiful.

    Yep, spent a long time on the bathroom floor, my body trying desperately to die. Try to lie on the bed, room starts twirling like a merry-go-round, back to the toilet, yay. I remember lying there visualizing my liver actually disintegrating, chunks of it entering my bloodstream and floating away.

    I did indeed decide that night that I would never drink like that again, that I'd never get that drunk again, and I haven't. Rock bottom is there for a reason.
    ...but you must've eventually gone back for the free beer, right?

  2. #22
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Quote Originally Posted by nate_watkins View Post
    ...but you must've eventually gone back for the free beer, right?
    Yes. I did, before I left I went back. I stayed back. Then I left and didn't go back because there was no more beer.

  3. #23
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Meant (( Frank))) I did. Yikes was my first reaction and it did not read well.

    I just typed out a whole story and deleted it. I will post it again

  4. #24
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Quote Originally Posted by not_nadine View Post
    Meant (( Frank))) I did. Yikes was my first reaction and it did not read well.

    I just typed out a whole story and deleted it. I will post it again
    Yes, tell me about it. Check for the Restore Previous Stuff button, which might be located on the bottom left of the window you write in.

  5. #25
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Quote Originally Posted by blunthead View Post
    Splain.
    Which part, Mr. Amazing-That-I-Did-Not-Kill-Myself-And-Everybody-Else-Around-Me?
    (I'm not judging... as I in fact in my misbegotten youth, was no better. )
    ~ There'll be Chocolate, if God wills it. ~

  6. #26
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    Nov 2011
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Nope, Blunt. It was a long story about a couple of yeas, not one night anyway. I will post that serious one another time.

    Glad you made it home ok.


    Ok, one night. (in band camp)

    Picture it... 20 miles south of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Sleeping over a cliff in a one-man pup tent with my best friend under banana trees. (Her sister was camping there and invited us)

    Drank a lot. I fed all the poor one legged dogs that night and woke up with her feet in my face and paw prints from every dog in the village looking for me.

    Next night we hit the real Puerto Vallarta. . Tequila!!!! They give you a whole bottle at the table that I danced on. Carried it to the floor I danced on. Chair danced.
    Shooters! bang-bang the shot and drink it!

    Well I have the scar from the broken bottle to this day. My GF met a real nice guy and went outside to talk to him. hmm. I wandered away with a bloody hand from that bottle that I smeared all over my face. GF saw me, came running, got hit by a car. (not serious) It's Mexico!

    Ended up making out with some waiter. I will leave it at that.

    Sick as a one legged dog on the flight back home. Left that frigging tent in an airport somewhere. Said screw it.

    She stayed in touch with the friend that she met. He saw all of my wonderful actions. He showed up at her house one day.

    That evil twin line did not work.

  7. #27
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    Atlanta GA
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Quote Originally Posted by FlakeNoir View Post
    Which part, Mr. Amazing-That-I-Did-Not-Kill-Myself-And-Everybody-Else-Around-Me?
    (I'm not judging... as I in fact in my misbegotten youth, was no better. )
    Aw, Flake says I'm amazing!

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Tennessee
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    I decided my first year of college to hang out with the Hall Drunk one night. I'd broken up with my boyfriend and she was, well, the Hall Drunk.
    There were five of us out on the town for the evening, and only three of us brought our brains along for the evening.
    Hall Drunk said "kamakaze" and I said "sure thing", so six kamakazes later, I didn't even remember I had had a boyfriend.

    But I *did* decide that the cars with parking tickets on campus really didn't need those tickets. I took every one of them from the row parked next to our dorm and stuffed them in the trash receptacles outside the building.

    Not one of my finer moments.

  9. #29
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    Nov 2011
    Location
    PA, USA
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    4,137

    Default Re: Drunk History

    Didn't SK take a bunch of orange road cones and put them in his trunk

    Sorry my question mark does not work.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Atlanta GA
    Posts
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    Default Re: Drunk History

    Quote Originally Posted by not_nadine View Post
    Didn't SK take a bunch of orange road cones and put them in his trunk?

    Sorry my question mark does not work.
    There, I lent you mine!

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