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Favourite Quotes and Quotations - Page 159

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Thread: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

  1. #1581
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Heaven isn't based on merit. If it was, your dog would get in and you wouldn't.

    Mark Twain

  2. #1582
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Erma Bombeck vol 1...

    A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

    All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

    Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

    Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

    Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

  3. #1583
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Quote Originally Posted by blunthead View Post
    Erma Bombeck vol 1...

    All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

  4. #1584
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Some Family Guy quotes...

    "You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert." - Peter Griffin

    "I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about." - Peter Griffin

    "Because you touch yourself at night" - Museum tour guide to a child Peter Griffin after asking why the dinosaurs died

    Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can’t swim!
    Peter: Oh, he’s not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
    Lois: Peter, he’s a paraplegic!
    Peter: That doesn’t mean he can’t hear. Kick Joe, kick!

    Chris: Dad, what’s the blow-hole for?
    Peter: I’ll tell you what it’s not for, son. And when I do, you’ll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

    Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there’s a message in my Alphabits. It says, ‘Oooooo.’
    Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

  5. #1585
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    "My feeling is that labels are for canned food . . . I am what I am -- and I know what I am." - Michael Stipe

    "Start at the beginning, and when you get to the end--stop." - The Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland

    "In a true marriage relation the independence of the husband and the wife is equal, their dependence mutual, and their obligations reciprocal." - Lucretia Mott

  6. #1586
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Erma Bombeck vol 2...

    I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

    I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and gives me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

    I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

    I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

    I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years."

    I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

    I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

    If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

    If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

    In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

  7. #1587
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.
    ~ Albert Einstein

  8. #1588
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    John McKay was the first coach for the NFL's Tampa Bay Buccaneers. John was known for his snappy one-liners and for coaching the first team to ever lose 26 straight games in the NFL. Here are a few of his quotes:

    1 - In response to a question about his team's execution - "I'm all in favour of it."
    2 - On an interception thrown by Steve DeBerg in 1984 that cost the Bucs a game against the Giants - "It was thrown to nobody. Well, it was thrown to somebody, Harry Carson. But he happened to be playing for the New York Giants at the time. It would have been a good pass if Harry had been playing for us."
    3 - After a particularly heavy loss - "The bus leaves in an hour - anyone who needs a shower, take one."
    4 - On losing a key game - "I told our players that there were 700 million Chinese people in the world who didn't even know the game was played. The next week, I got five letters from China asking "What happened?"
    5 - After the Bucs broke their 26-game losing streak - "Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs."
    6 - On recruiting his son John to play for USC and then the Bucs - "I had an advantage - I slept with his mother."
    7 - On the prospect of a late-season trip to Green Bay - "Going there is like winning the 98th prize in a beauty contest with only 97 prizes."
    8 - On hearing how Buc kicker Pete Rajecki was nervous about McKay watching him in the 1976 pre-season - "That's unfortuntate as I plan on attending all the games."
    9 - At a post-game press conference in 1976 "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a bunch of bananas."
    10 - The following week after a media member has dropped off a case of bananas at his door - "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedez-Benz."

  9. #1589
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
    ~ Plato

  10. #1590
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    Default Re: Favourite Quotes and Quotations

    Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin

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