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Thread: downer's syndrome

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    from modesto, california, now in knoxville, tennessee
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    222

    Unhappy downer's syndrome

    I'm 20 years old, currently unemployed and i suffer from severe depression. I dont mean to be sad on here all the time, but its the only place i can go anymore. I have absoloutley NO friends except for the ones on here. I'm thankful for the ones i have here but its not the same as in person. I guess my question is, will this ever change? Will i ever find good friends since mine left m to hang out to dry and abandon me? Will i ever be happy again???lease someone help.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Canada
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    7,335

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    It will and you will be happy again.
    You MUST focus on the positive things in life, you MUST think good things.
    Instead of thinking about everything that`s bad in your life, take a pen and paper and write down everything good. Like - do you have enough to eat? a place to stay? Internet? Access to books? You have us, so you are NOT alone, that`s not too bad for starters, is it now?
    If our beloved John Dalglish would be still with us, he would tell you :
    " Two men stared out of prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars."

    Do the same.
    All the best, my friend.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Just north of Duma Key
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    11,220

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    Life is a journey of changes. Yes, your life will change, you will find good/ true freinds, and yes you will be happy. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I am 4 decades past your youth of 20. Life will look different to you as you go along your journey of living life. Remember too, there is no way to happiness, Happiness is the way. There will come a time when you will look back and smile over your concerns at age 20. Stay in the positive. With each step forward things will get better. We may be cyber friends, but we are still friends and care about you.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    bye
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    967

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    Read Housman's When I was One-and-twenty.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Kansas City
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    3,847

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    In real life, I am the friend who will tell you the truth when necessary. Never to be hurtful (that's just obnoxious), but when you need it. (And also if you ask me if X makes you look fat. Seriously, don't ask me that unless you want the truth either way. ) I am going to be that kind of friend now.

    I would say that if you have had a friend or two abandon you, then that's just life and how it goes and such, and part of this could be age related; very few high school friends end up being forever friends, but at your age that can feel like a harsh reality. If all your real-life friends eventually abandon you, then there are a handful of possibilities.

    1. Complete coincidence. This is a very remote, unlikely possibility. Very.
    2. You really are completely surrounded by full-time *******s. This is also fairly unlikely. We're all asses some of the time, but not very many people are asses all of the time.
    3. You are defining abandonment very narrowly. What do you mean by "they abandon you"? People get caught up in their own lives, especially as they become adults. This is normal and not necessarily a reflection on anyone but them. If you are calling and texting and they don't return your calls and texts, well, okay ... but if it's just that time goes by and no one calls you for a while, I wouldn't define that as abandonment.
    4. You are subconsciously choosing "friends" you know will abandon you. Why would you do this? Because as bad as depression feels, you know it and are familiar with it. People tend to reproduce patterns in their lives, even the bad ones.
    5. You establish relationships that seem promising in the beginning, with everyone involved fully intending to remain friends, but the relationships do not continue for some reason. If that is the case, it would be worthwhile to examine who leaves whom. If you are truly *always* the person being left, and if you didn't subconsciously choose people who would likely abandon you later, then the common denominator is you.

    My guess is that you have a combination of factors going on. Only you can figure out precisely what those are, but here are a few questions to lead you to valuable conclusions.

    • How much effort do you put into genuinely being a good friend yourself?
    • How often do you do things for other people with no thought of being compensated for those things or that they somehow owe you?
    • What do you bring to a relationship as a friend? That is, how would someone else benefit by being your friend?
    • Is there anything about you that makes being your friend stressful or difficult beyond what is normal?
    • Are your friendships composed equally of give and take on both sides, not necessarily every minute, but over the long term?

    I hope this helps. Because the only one who can answer your ultimate question--"Will this ever change?"--is you.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    The woods are lovely dark and deep
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    6,248

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    You cannot depend on anyone else to make you happy. Change comes from within; and life never stays the same. Spidey, Srbo and Todash laid down for you wise and loving words; please take heed.

    I'm praying on ya'.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    south
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    4,200

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    You must try. You thought of going to counselling perhaps? Hope to see you happy soon.!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Atlanta GA
    Posts
    10,280

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    Quote Originally Posted by Dave Sartin View Post
    I'm 20 years old, currently unemployed and i suffer from severe depression. I dont mean to be sad on here all the time, but its the only place i can go anymore. I have absoloutley NO friends except for the ones on here. I'm thankful for the ones i have here but its not the same as in person. I guess my question is, will this ever change? Will i ever find good friends since mine left m to hang out to dry and abandon me? Will i ever be happy again???lease someone help.
    Dave, I want to encourage you. I know you believe you've been alive a long time, and you're correct, but at the same time a 20 year old man is a child. I know, I've done it more than once. You can safely look forward to many things happening in your life, good and bad, but one of them is that good people will come into it, and that some of them might stay. The ones that don't, learn why they didn't if you can. If you don't know it doesn't matter because life carries us forward and away from the past and its pain. And remember, there will always be mysteries.

    Then, you can safely keep looking forward to more good people, because more will come and more will stay.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    281

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    I suffer from really bad depression, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm not really practicing anymore, but once genetically inclined towards addiction, always genetically inclined towards addiction. When I was 20, I was living on my own and just about to loose my scholarship to a very expensive art school.

    Look at Todash's post and take it seriously. She is always full of sage wisdom and awesome truthful advice. And seriously ask yourself those questions. To say she has saved my life at one time or another is probably not exaggerating.

    I have a couple of pieces of advice to add:

    Don't self medicate; it is destructive.

    If you have had depression a while, go to a doctor and get that sh*t sorted out. (This is a big case of do what I say and not what I do, btw. However, once my insurance goes through, though, you better believe I'm getting out of this cycle. It's hard on my friends, it's really hard on my husband, and it's hard on me.)

    The low lows pass. The cycle won't until you are proactive and do something about it.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Alberta,Canada
    Posts
    3,895

    Default Re: downer's syndrome

    Dave, I have given you the only advice I am capable of, which is to change the way you think...be a bit more positive. You need to be on anti-depressants seems to me. I do not know if you take any of the board member's advice on here. I thought you were going to Nursing school? Maybe, I am wrong there.

    Sometimes I wonder if your information is credible. You never seem to interact but just post about how depressed you are. Sorry if I sound a little skeptical and stuff.....I am a straight forward grumpy person who has little patience.....but very happy even if it is over small things....and SNOW.

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