Well, I promised to write about things that happened on my birthday. Since we share a lot here, I think I should tell about these changes that are happening in my life, too.
I should start with telling that I have a good friend (male) whom I've known for half a year, we have been really, really close friends. At some point I started thinking that maybe we could be more than just friends, I saw that the relations we had were not really the kind usual friends have, but I was trying hard to forget about these thoughts as I have never been lucky in my personal life... Some of you may remember that last year I liked one guy and decided to make the first step myself, it all ended not so well for me. Now I knew I would not make first steps again, especially with a risk of losing my best friend. For the last few weeks before my birthday I was so confused because I felt like I wanted something more, but I did not know what to do. I was thinking logically that we are not right for each other, we are absolutely different in many things... But still somewhere deep inside I felt something. For the last week before my actual birthday I was so scared as we were going to spend the evening together... I considered the possibilities of him feeling the same way for me, but again I told myself I was a total fool, I have never been lucky, I always chose wrong guys, why should it be different now? (Alright, my low self esteem here was very, very powerful)
In the end everything went exactly the same way I dreamt It came out he felt the same way for me... I was very glad and confused at the same time, because I could not believe it really happened! But the more I think about it now the more I come to a conclusion that this is a right thing, I feel really happy, and very calm and safe at the same time.
I am thinking that maybe I was wrong about love before, I always thought that I should fell in love completely losing my mind, but now I think that probably love is when you want to be with this person all the time, when you feel really safe and comfortable with no need to pretend... That's so strange and scary, but I want to believe it will work out for us.
So, that's it. I just felt an urge to share this with you. Thank you for reading this and sorry for such a long post.
I should start with telling that I have a good friend (male) whom I've known for half a year, we have been really, really close friends. At some point I started thinking that maybe we could be more than just friends, I saw that the relations we had were not really the kind usual friends have, but I was trying hard to forget about these thoughts as I have never been lucky in my personal life... Some of you may remember that last year I liked one guy and decided to make the first step myself, it all ended not so well for me. Now I knew I would not make first steps again, especially with a risk of losing my best friend. For the last few weeks before my birthday I was so confused because I felt like I wanted something more, but I did not know what to do. I was thinking logically that we are not right for each other, we are absolutely different in many things... But still somewhere deep inside I felt something. For the last week before my actual birthday I was so scared as we were going to spend the evening together... I considered the possibilities of him feeling the same way for me, but again I told myself I was a total fool, I have never been lucky, I always chose wrong guys, why should it be different now? (Alright, my low self esteem here was very, very powerful)
In the end everything went exactly the same way I dreamt It came out he felt the same way for me... I was very glad and confused at the same time, because I could not believe it really happened! But the more I think about it now the more I come to a conclusion that this is a right thing, I feel really happy, and very calm and safe at the same time.
I am thinking that maybe I was wrong about love before, I always thought that I should fell in love completely losing my mind, but now I think that probably love is when you want to be with this person all the time, when you feel really safe and comfortable with no need to pretend... That's so strange and scary, but I want to believe it will work out for us.
So, that's it. I just felt an urge to share this with you. Thank you for reading this and sorry for such a long post.