(((((Cat))))). Keeping y'all in my highest and most positive thoughts.
I Am Angry Today Because . . .
- Thread starter MadamMack
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Bad here in Alberta with the oil issue. So many jobs lost. Becky is luckier than some so far. She works union jobs for the contractors. People are very scared.
Forgetting the past is the key to success, so I'm told, which I would have been glad to do any number of times had the great future which I myself fully expected ever materialized.
As a kid, I was constantly perplexed, things would be going along pretty normally and all of a sudden everyone was attacking me. I was always blamed for the situation and no other explanations looked for. As a teenager, people tried to "help" by telling me I looked, dressed, and acted all wrong, plus I had a terrible attitude because supposedly I didn't care about other people's problems. Although I had the feeling most people would as soon see me dead as care about my problems, I tried to play along. Some things temporarily improved but always the situation went irredeemably bad.
Here is where The Twilight Zone is unavoidable, and I am thankful to Rod Serling every day for coining that term in 1959, several years before I was born, which best describes my whole life. Had I lived all my life in the same place with the same people, I'd have never advanced past the first explanation, which was that surely my sisters were informing people at school if they wanted to be with the in crowd, they had to make a point of treating me badly or accept being treated badly themselves, and these people simply obeyed orders. Then I went to two schools where my sisters had never been and that theory had to be discarded. My manners, mannerisms, and appearance were attacked so many times, I figured, it must be something about my body language (not specifically my looks which are not that unusual) or how I sound (that is, tone or pitch of my voice strikes some people wrong--this has to do with how my voice box is made and can't be changed). All the explanations about my terrible personality, for my own best interests I couldn't believe even were they true, and as far as I could tell they weren't true! How do you explain people being excused for doing things I had never done to anybody, that I would never think of doing to anybody, that I would never actually do even had I thought of them, while for my every smallest offense I was hauled out onto the carpet for some major crime?
When I got online, I thought, at last, the great level playing field, not only level but even advantaged as I am better at writing than other things. No one can see what I look like and how I dress or hear what I sound like! So I started getting attacked on this one forum and I swear to God, this was not me coming on with another identity to test whether people would attack me and treat others nice, it was really a new person who didn't know what was recently being said to me. This newbie posted almost word for word the exact same situation I had described, that of a bad eBay transaction, and everyone was all over her with, aw, you poor thing, we've all had bad eBay transactions. I went absolutely ballistic! Why is this person treated with kid gloves when I described the exact same situation almost word for word and am told to just shut up, crawl into a corner and die, that nobody cares what happens to me?
That was before the diagnosis. After the diagnosis, I thought, well, knowledge is power, now that I have an answer maybe I can redeem this situation. Now, though, it's just apparent that life is going to continue to throw things at me while people expect me to run circles performing miracles regardless of circumstances. It's never my own health, the weather, the economy, or any other factor, if anything goes wrong it's all my fault because I am too dense and too ornery to get things right. Well, I'm done. The most I will do, is if everyone wants me to admit my whole life was a big pointless waste of time and effort, I will, not because I believe it but because everyone needs something to be happy about after I'm gone, so there it is and I hope they are satisfied.
Keep the faith. I'm checking with my family right now to see how they fared.
Okay, wait. Are you saying we were not nice to you? If I remember, people were offering advice, and trying very hard to make you feel better and to try to change the way you look at things around for the good. I think everyone was very positive.
I don't remember anyone telling you to shut up, or crawl into a corner and die and no one cares about you. I think this board and the members have tried very hard to be helpful and to let you know you are part of our community.
I did not think she meant this board. Not sure but I did not get that.
Oh good. I didn't think anyone was mean to her.
Edited to add: Sorry Cori if I misunderstood that post. There's a lot of information in that and wasn't sure where or who it was directed to/at.
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CoriSCapnSkip ----I would like to make a suggestion- a book that you might like to read. One that helped me to change my life- yes after age 50. It took me that long to realize "self matters".
As I have stated before, I came from very stick parents. In their eyes I was told I could always do more/ better. Now that's a good thing from parents when it is meant as encouragement/ not so much when it is a put down. Bring home a B/ told it could have been an A, even thought I gave it my best. This went through grade school, HS and even when I picked a University-- which I was required to pay for myself. Nope, not that one, chose this one.
To add to the situation- was taken out of a public school because the Catholic one was better. I went to three HS in 4 years. Not my choice. Now consider a teen, already an introvert being uprooted from friends in a big city environment, headed to a small town that if you did not have family born there in the dark ages, you were an outsider. Teen years and that to boot. I can relate some- clothes were not the right style cause parents didn't approve of that style/ introvert, so no real close friends/ intelligent and great grades, so you were not in the "click"/ you name it!
Like I said it took me until my 50's before I realized a few facts. So, to get to the point- read the spoiler, see if anything fits, then, if you desire read the book. It just might have some answers/ ideas/ insight into your own life. It has to begin with you. Positives and changing how you think about life.
The SKMB is special, one like no other on the internet. I hope your will see that. We are Ka-Tet-- one made of many. I do not think you will find this "family" putting you down like that other on-line group did. I leave you with love and green lights!!
What if there is a You that has never seen the light of day, has never got to say, “Hey, what about me?”
What if there is a You that you have never even met and certainly never permitted to just be, without fear of judgment or condemnation?
What if you live your life on the sidelines in constant fear of failing to please those who forever seem to stand in judgment of you and your life?
What if you discovered that you had settled for what life has served up instead of what you really wanted and needed?
What if you really think and feel things you have never allowed to come out, and certainly never acted on?
What if your marriage is not at all what you really emotionally want and need, but you silently stay the course anyway, selling out your hope to be happy?
What if you are allowing days to turn into weeks and weeks to turn into months and months to turn into years, all adding up to a lifetime of being what some nameless, faceless world has assigned you to be?
If any of these “What ifs” are true in your life, then we need to talk, and through these pages, we will. First, I have some bad news, and I have some good news. The bad news is you are making the choices that have put you in this life circumstance; the good news is you are making the choices that have put you in this life circumstance. Now is the time to make the biggest choice of your life. Through Self Matters, I will help you do just that.
—Dr. Phil McGraw
What if there is a You that you have never even met and certainly never permitted to just be, without fear of judgment or condemnation?
What if you live your life on the sidelines in constant fear of failing to please those who forever seem to stand in judgment of you and your life?
What if you discovered that you had settled for what life has served up instead of what you really wanted and needed?
What if you really think and feel things you have never allowed to come out, and certainly never acted on?
What if your marriage is not at all what you really emotionally want and need, but you silently stay the course anyway, selling out your hope to be happy?
What if you are allowing days to turn into weeks and weeks to turn into months and months to turn into years, all adding up to a lifetime of being what some nameless, faceless world has assigned you to be?
If any of these “What ifs” are true in your life, then we need to talk, and through these pages, we will. First, I have some bad news, and I have some good news. The bad news is you are making the choices that have put you in this life circumstance; the good news is you are making the choices that have put you in this life circumstance. Now is the time to make the biggest choice of your life. Through Self Matters, I will help you do just that.
—Dr. Phil McGraw
I think I need to read the book.
The seagull story is pretty good, too. Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours. Jonathan Livingston, the seagull.
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oops...need an edit up above...they're for their...
Be careful, it sounds good, but in Asperger's/Autism circles in particular, he is known as "quick-blame McGraw."
Really? I think, as cheesy as some people think his cute euphemisms are, I think he makes a lot of sense.
There is no blame in the philosophy of changing the way you think about things and a seeing the positives in life instead of the negatives.
Good Friday evening.
I'm sensing a lot of, "Yes, BUT..."
(LISTEN to me. My tale of woe. Validate me. Give me advice, give me options, I'm willing to hear you. Read your advice and options... until I have to do something for myself and then it's just...."Yes, BUT...)
Beg pardon if this sounds harsh. JMO.
Peace.
(BTW-I suspect this level of members posting is just what is desired/wanted)
I'm sensing a lot of, "Yes, BUT..."
(LISTEN to me. My tale of woe. Validate me. Give me advice, give me options, I'm willing to hear you. Read your advice and options... until I have to do something for myself and then it's just...."Yes, BUT...)
Beg pardon if this sounds harsh. JMO.
Peace.
(BTW-I suspect this level of members posting is just what is desired/wanted)
That is the essence of the entire problem. Those offering to "help" me will do so only if I accept terms which are unacceptable, which they know I can't live with and would be death to my soul, because that is what I "deserve." They are trying to maneuver me into agreeing I "deserve" this fate, which in what I have posted the last few days I've come as close to doing as I ever have in my life. (I still don't really agree but am out of choices here.) They and others will accept me only if I agree to do things which are impossible, which were they possible I'd certainly have long since done for my own sake, not to please others.
Nobody set terms for you to agree with but you sound not like a happy soul to me. We want to encourage you that you deserve to be happy and that you have it in your own hands to be happy. But therefore you gonne have to change things in your life.
Otherwise it's the quadrature of the circle.