I say we make Pere Callahan be the star, only have him played by Sinead O'Conner (ask yer parents, kids), and instead of guns (heaven forbid), the Tet can carry mystical tasers. Oy should be a cat, because, you know, everyone loves cat videos these days. Have the whole thing take place in Cuba, before the revolution, set to an all techno score by The Crystal Method. Maybe Papa John could direct?
And, really, Dark Tower is such a depressing title. How about, TOWER: Search For The Golden Thimble?
I was thinking we could make a thread in the game area of the board, making casting suggestions for various movies based very loosely on King books. You would win that game.