An Open Letter to the Right Honorable Stephen King of Bangor, Maine by Artanis F. Santiago

Discussion in 'The Plant: Zenith Rising' started by prufrock21, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. prufrock21

    prufrock21 Well-Known Member

    Dear Mr. King,

    Hello and I expect this letter finds you in good cheer.

    My name is Artanis F. (Frank) Santiago, and I am third cousin (twice removed) of
    Carlos Detweiller. Does that name ring a bell? It should, because Carlos Detweiller is/was
    the famous (infamous?) author of True Tales of Demon Infestations, a work of rare genius,
    in my humble opinion, which you (shall we say) usurped, purloined, stole (putting it mildly)
    and used in a story titled “The Plant.” You did this, I might add, with premeditation and for
    material gain, much to the detriment and emotional despair which such an action caused my
    cousin, the above mentioned Carlos Detweiller, to be the victim of.

    Have I got your attention now? Good, because I'm not through with you yet. Not by my
    aunt Cordelia's cat's whiskers, I'm not.

    You might think—of course, you are free (for now) to think this—that you, being an Author of
    Horror (but so is/was Carlos, for that matter) have the right to usurp, purloin, steal your own
    creation's work, in this case True Tales of Demon Infestations. You could invoke “poetic license,” or
    some other such poppycock. Prosaic, yes, and a handy excuse. But poetic license be damned.
    It is my firm belief that even in fiction, the character—who in this case is also an Author of Horror
    (though less well known, I'll grant)---has RIGHTS. RIGHTS, mind you.

    Remember those, Mr. King?

    So in effect what you have done is to commit a crime against your own creation. (That came
    a bit from left field, I know, but bear with me.) You might guess—you can still guess, can't you?--
    that my logic is a tad fuzzy around the gills, but this is comprehensible when you consider I'm
    writing this longhand inside Zenith House in Riddley the janitor's closet, mind you, where
    YOU-KNOW-WHO resides.)

    I really got your attention now, huh? Good. Onward.

    Now, in the name of my cousin twice removed, Carlos Detweiller, celebrated author of
    True Tales of Demon Infestations, master of the Ouija and spiritual traveler, I/we want you to
    continue (operative word) The Work, also known as “The Plant,” in which said Carlos Detweiller
    so prominently appears. (This must sound, I'm sure, perversely like/akin to the situation Paul Sheldon
    encounters in Misery. Déjà vu all over again? Perhaps, Mr. King, but there's more.)

    I/we want you to, shall we say, resurrect Carlos Detweiller, liberate him from the limbo of
    neglect you have so heartlessly subjected him to during all these years. And in the process also
    resurrect John, Roger, Riddley, General Hecksler (who's a real loon, by the way), Ruth and all the other
    muckers who populate so charmingly the netherworld known as “The Plant.”

    In other words, I/we want you to let Zenith ivy live, grow, progress . . . spread.

    It goes without saying (though I/we are saying it) that you are free (somewhat) to say No,
    free (somewhat) to pro-cras-ti-nate. But I/we wouldn't advice it. Too much is at stake. (“Stake,”
    get it?) So, as Annie Wilkes might so endearingly put it, “Oh, fiddle-de-foof, Stephen, go on and
    finish the darn thing. What can it hurt? Of your own free will. Please?”

    I/we would like to conclude with these words to the wise, the signature creation of Carlos
    Detweiller, author extraordinaire, a fitting epitaph for my/our glorious name:

    PRAISE ABALLAH! COME DEMETER! COME GREEN!

    Have a nice one. Your (new) friend,

    Artanis F. (Frank) Santiago
    Somewhere Deep South
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2014
    MrsSmeej, kingricefan, Neesy and 10 others like this.
  2. GNTLGNT

    GNTLGNT Idiot in Situ and Unholy Devourer of Cookies

    ...that was just a little bit of brilliance!!!!!...Huzzah!!!!.....
     
    MrsSmeej, kingricefan, Neesy and 5 others like this.
  3. blunthead

    blunthead Well-Known Member

    I/we/me too!
     
    MrsSmeej, kingricefan, Neesy and 4 others like this.
  4. prufrock21

    prufrock21 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I can but plead the Ancient Mariner defense.
     
    MrsSmeej, kingricefan, Neesy and 4 others like this.
  5. ghost19

    ghost19 ..."I aim with my eye."...

    Usurp and purloin used in the same sentence? Flibber me jibbits!! That was brilliant!
     
    MrsSmeej, kingricefan, Neesy and 6 others like this.
  6. GNTLGNT

    GNTLGNT Idiot in Situ and Unholy Devourer of Cookies

    ...I like me a good purloin, smothered in 'shrooms and un-yumms....and well-done of course...
     
    kingricefan, Neesy and mustangclaire like this.
  7. ghost19

    ghost19 ..."I aim with my eye."...

    And lots of usurp on top also.....brings out the flavor....
     
  8. mustangclaire

    mustangclaire There's petrol runnin' through my veins.

  9. Autumnlyn

    Autumnlyn BOOYA!

    i don't get it :nope:
     
  10. GNTLGNT

    GNTLGNT Idiot in Situ and Unholy Devourer of Cookies

    ...neutered dog syndrome again honey???....just a play on words...purloin/sirloin...usurp/syrup...we're just idiots me and Ghost...
     
    kingricefan, Autumnlyn and Neesy like this.
  11. ghost19

    ghost19 ..."I aim with my eye."...

    That's not how you spell syrup?? Damn 3rd grade spelling teacher...I'm telling' ya'.......
     
  12. GNTLGNT

    GNTLGNT Idiot in Situ and Unholy Devourer of Cookies

    ...same gal that taught us OHIO was spelled Oh-Hi-Ya.....
     
  13. prufrock21

    prufrock21 Well-Known Member

    Dear Mr. King,

    Artanis here. Greetings from Somewhere Deep South. Hope that you and yours are doing well and feeling crisp as candy.

    The Red Sox won the Series! How's that for a positive intro? Now that I have your attention, and on a more sinister, evocative note …

    Are we thinking about "The Plant" yet, and its con-ti-nu-a-tion? If not, then something's not write with the world. I know there are Powers That Be, dark and delicious. Powers who must give before they can take. (There's also the Goat, but we'll consider farm animals later.) These Powers, they have given you plenty, Mr. King. And they have given my cousin twice removed Carlos Detweiller plenty as well.

    Creative genius, Mr. King. This is what they have given you--and my cousin, the aforementioned Carlos D. In his creative genius after True Tales of Demon Infestations is/was published and became a bestseller, you know what his next bestseller is/was going to be? True and Startling Tales of the Screwed Sanguine Succubi. Imagine that on the same shelf with Full Dark, No Stars and Dr. Sleep. To even contemplate the possibility is enough to give one nightmares, or insomnia (LOL).

    Creative genius is yours, his/ours, but it can be taken away. Easy come, easy go, as they say. It can be taken away right as rain unless you ... repent. Repent having relegated Carlos D. to the Dustbin of Oblivion. Repent the injury caused such a noble, exceptional human (yes, human) being. Repent having kept him from exacting a justifiable and well-deserved revenge. A wise man once said (who said it I/we don't know because I/we weren't there when he said it.) : "Revenge is a dish best served cold." (He also said, "When the way does not prevail under heaven, war horses breed in the suburbs," but we'll discuss the truth or falsehood of this by and by.)

    Cold, Mr. King. Cold is Carlos D., frozen iceberg solid because you want him to be. Must it therefore take the Stygian fires of Koontzian Hell to resurrect him? Consider the Goat, and the Ram--the entire barnyard for that matter. Praise Aballah! Consider what it Means To Be Fair and Just.

    Justice, Mr. King. Justice for Carlos D. et. al. is what I/we want. And ivy. Allow Zenith ivy to finally be set free.

    Thank you again for your valuable time and commiseration. (Almost forgot. May the Goat bring you much happiness in the New Year!)

    Yours truly,

    Artanis F. Santiago
    Now Deeper South

    P.S. A sick joke, for your pleasure and edification. How many Biafrans can you get inside a train? Answer: it depends whether the train carries passengers or freight.
     
  14. GNTLGNT

    GNTLGNT Idiot in Situ and Unholy Devourer of Cookies

    ....another gem....give that man a complimentary bag of Peter's Professional Soluble Plant Food....
     
  15. prufrock21

    prufrock21 Well-Known Member

    I and the Goat both thank you.
     
  16. Neesy

    Neesy #1 fan (Annie Wilkes cousin) 1st cousin Mom's side

    I have a confession -
    ditto Autumnlyn
    - but maybe I'll read it a few times to get it into my addled brain.
     
  17. FlakeNoir

    FlakeNoir Beta/Moderator Moderator

     
  18. Neesy

    Neesy #1 fan (Annie Wilkes cousin) 1st cousin Mom's side

    I meant the OP's post, not "The Plant"
     
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  19. FlakeNoir

    FlakeNoir Beta/Moderator Moderator

    The original post is directly related to
    The Plant.
    :)
     
    Neesy and GNTLGNT like this.
  20. Neesy

    Neesy #1 fan (Annie Wilkes cousin) 1st cousin Mom's side

    I get that Flakey - thanks!
     
    GNTLGNT and FlakeNoir like this.

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