I'd always thought that I must have been wagging school the day that muse's were being handed out! (mine has probably been off smoking in the girls toilets all these years, the lazy, skiving b1tch)
COMMENTS FOR HALLOWEEN STORY 2016
- Thread starter Dana Jean
- Start date
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Way to go, Flake!
I didn't like Wesson when
but after that I liked him back. 
Your part of the story was quite intense and had a hint of humor. I mean Nebiros and cell phones...
...not the best match, eh? Who knew technology would save them in the end...
"As she drew away from his poisonous hold, a drop of sweat fell from the tip of her young nose and Wesson followed its progress…. down, down,
…all the way,
...down."
I liked this very much. It had an "Alice in Wonderland" quality to it. Very nice transition.
And the aspirin that wasn't really aspirin...
I didn't like Wesson when
he hit Rachel but I have to admit he had a point and this is after all, just a story
Your part of the story was quite intense and had a hint of humor. I mean Nebiros and cell phones...
...not the best match, eh? Who knew technology would save them in the end..."As she drew away from his poisonous hold, a drop of sweat fell from the tip of her young nose and Wesson followed its progress…. down, down,
…all the way,
...down."
I liked this very much. It had an "Alice in Wonderland" quality to it. Very nice transition.
And the aspirin that wasn't really aspirin...
Great writing, Flake!! You are a woman of many talents. Really liked your part.
Thanks, N.N!Great job, Flakes!
Thanks Demeter, I appreciate that you liked it so much. I had noticed Nebiros' reaction to the cell phone in Tery's (I think?) part.Way to go, Flake!
I didn't like Wesson whenbut after that I liked him back.he hit Rachel but I have to admit he had a point and this is after all, just a story
Your part of the story was quite intense and had a hint of humor. I mean Nebiros and cell phones...
"As she drew away from his poisonous hold, a drop of sweat fell from the tip of her young nose and Wesson followed its progress…. down, down,
…all the way,
...down."
I liked this very much. It had an "Alice in Wonderland" quality to it. Very nice transition.
And the aspirin that wasn't really aspirin...
I didn't like what Wesson did either...
Thank you again for your comments.
Thank you Kurben, very happy that you liked it.
Ohmygosh FlakeNoir You made the characters come alive and put the reader right in the middle of the action! I actually became worried that the panic door wouldn't hold. Great dialog Thanks for making me bite my nails
Thanks for making me bite my nails
Thanks very much NBNP! I'm really glad that you liked it and felt suspense too..!Ohmygosh FlakeNoir You made the characters come alive and put the reader right in the middle of the action! I actually became worried that the panic door wouldn't hold. Great dialog
Nice ratcheting of the tension, Mal. Great scene, good writing!
mal - fantastic work on the tapestry(story). More details about the characters. Excellent. Caught me with the first words. Your talent shines!!
mal - Love your chapter! Tobit's character is bringing us back around. "Besides, Alf had no family." 
You all are rocking the tale this year! Whoohoo!!
You all are rocking the tale this year! Whoohoo!!
Good job Mal! Keeps the tension going...
Really cool Mal. Well written and you added so much to the story. Like Flakes, your piece came alive. Poor Alfie! Great stuff! The Zombie heart. Love it.
Nice job, mal!
I like Tobit almost as much as I like Wesson. You set up the ending nicely. So many paths to choose...
I like Tobit almost as much as I like Wesson. You set up the ending nicely. So many paths to choose...Chapter eleven began in a subtle, relaxing manner. I enjoy that -- it signals that another round of information is to come, and it lets you have fun with the writing for a bit.
The character of Alfie is a nice addition to the cast. He seems
to be a sympathetic type who doesn't know how to handle the world of the intrepid (and of the supernatural kind, to boot). One who can't figure out how to avoid trouble.
When I got to the end of the chapter, I was surprised at how the proceedings escalated so quickly.
- I forgot that we are getting closer to the end of the tale. Soon it will be close; and then the end. The pace will be moving along at this point (even faster than it has been).
I mentioned before how this is becoming a mythology -- hearing Nebiros' plan confirms this sentiment yet again.
Thanks Mal for your chapter (and I liked the use of the zombie heart; never saw The Godfather -- I know, but you read that right -- but I assume this is no different than that horse-head I've heard about).
The character of Alfie is a nice addition to the cast. He seems
(or seemed; then again, I presume he will be back; we'll see)
When I got to the end of the chapter, I was surprised at how the proceedings escalated so quickly.
Before I knew it, Alfie was killed, and there was the noise of weaponry. I was skillfully lulled into a sense of calm -
I mentioned before how this is becoming a mythology -- hearing Nebiros' plan confirms this sentiment yet again.
Thanks Mal for your chapter (and I liked the use of the zombie heart; never saw The Godfather -- I know, but you read that right -- but I assume this is no different than that horse-head I've heard about).
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Nice job, mal. Great writing, indeed!!! 
...Mal's entry was delicious!....does that make it malicious????......ok mebbe not......
Great work, Mal. I liked that Tobit got a real voice and presence in the story.
Fantastic addition to the story, Mal... like the others, I really enjoyed seeing more of Tobit. You did a wonderful job!
Yeah, thanks, Mal, I wanted Wesson to have a partner ... back in the old West the Pinkerton Private Detective Agency would supply crews to guard bank gold runs... and today there are often partners in a firm.... That and I just like my recurring golem character...