Communicating online

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bobledrew

Inveterate yammerer
May 13, 2010
2,782
1,924
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
In my other (non-SK) life, I do work in the PR and social media field.

And having watched a bunfight here on the message board, I wanted to deliver a boring lecture on communicating online. So here goes:

  • When we speak to each other in person, we get the words, but we get inflection (WHAT is this thing CALLED? LOVE? What is this thing called LOVE? What is THIS thing called, love?), and we also get all the facial and nonverbal cues that go with the words and inflection. A raised eyebrow, a smile, a scowl, the shaking head, a lean-in or lean-out, the perfect gesture... It's an immensely rich form of communication.
  • When we speak on the phone, even without the visual elements, we get the richness of the other person's voice.
  • A book, a letter, a magazine -- we're robbed of that richness, but we are forced to contemplate the meaning of those inkstains on the paper. The interaction is all in our head. We don't talk back to our books (well, they don't respond at least!). We think about them.
  • But this, this conglomeration of pixels. It's the worst of everything. None of the richness of face-to-face or even voice-only communications, but all of the instantaneity. We try TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPS or use :0:;-D:alien::ambivalence: to make up for the deficits, but it's not the same.
  • Is it any wonder that when we interact in this desperately impoverished, blatant state we end up with misunderstandings, arguments, and sometimes hurt feelings?
So to end this lecture:

  1. TAKE CARE with your words and your writing. The difference between the right word and the wrong one can sometimes be incredibly small. Read what you wrote (out loud if you can) before hitting post.
  2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
  3. Try not to make statements out of your ability to prove logically. "Canadians are stupid." How many Canadians do you know? Have you read research that backs this up? Then try "THAT Canadian is stupid."
  4. When given the choice of being mean or being kind, try to fall on the kind side.
  5. And feel free to ignore me! Because all of this advice is just my opinion.
 

Maskins

Well-Known Member
Jun 16, 2015
640
3,700
Agree - I spend most of my time in my non-SK life working with people via all sorts of communication mediums, including mountains of email and instant messages. I have to remind those around me that the best way to communicate is always face to face or on the phone. Especially if bad news needs to be delivered. Written comms give a degree of anonymity and people tend to read it in whatever mood they are in. I try to pepper my comms with some jokes to show that I am not in a bad mood or being aggressive.

Of course, this all goes out the window if I am in a bad mood or misread someones statement.
 

TheRedQueen

And Crazy Housewife
Dec 3, 2014
1,346
8,164
36
Fernley, NV.
You know what's hilarious? I was taught those same exact codes of conduct. In high school. I was homeschooled, my curriculum was fundamentalist Baptist, but they still took the time to lay down the law when it came to Internet etiquette. (Did public schools do that too? Or did normal kids just sort of know how to behave?)


So, thanks for taking us back to school. Sometimes, a reminder is a very good thing to have. :smile2:
 

blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
In my other (non-SK) life, I do work in the PR and social media field.

And having watched a bunfight here on the message board, I wanted to deliver a boring lecture on communicating online. So here goes:

  • When we speak to each other in person, we get the words, but we get inflection (WHAT is this thing CALLED? LOVE? What is this thing called LOVE? What is THIS thing called, love?), and we also get all the facial and nonverbal cues that go with the words and inflection. A raised eyebrow, a smile, a scowl, the shaking head, a lean-in or lean-out, the perfect gesture... It's an immensely rich form of communication.
  • When we speak on the phone, even without the visual elements, we get the richness of the other person's voice.
  • A book, a letter, a magazine -- we're robbed of that richness, but we are forced to contemplate the meaning of those inkstains on the paper. The interaction is all in our head. We don't talk back to our books (well, they don't respond at least!). We think about them.
  • But this, this conglomeration of pixels. It's the worst of everything. None of the richness of face-to-face or even voice-only communications, but all of the instantaneity. We try TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPS or use :0:;-D:alien::ambivalence: to make up for the deficits, but it's not the same.
  • Is it any wonder that when we interact in this desperately impoverished, blatant state we end up with misunderstandings, arguments, and sometimes hurt feelings?
So to end this lecture:

  1. TAKE CARE with your words and your writing. The difference between the right word and the wrong one can sometimes be incredibly small. Read what you wrote (out loud if you can) before hitting post.
  2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
  3. Try not to make statements out of your ability to prove logically. "Canadians are stupid." How many Canadians do you know? Have you read research that backs this up? Then try "THAT Canadian is stupid."
  4. When given the choice of being mean or being kind, try to fall on the kind side.
  5. And feel free to ignore me! Because all of this advice is just my opinion.
Certainly one of my all-time favorite posts. Thank you Boble!
 

KingAHolic

Banned
Feb 3, 2015
6,926
20,505
Old Dominion
In my other (non-SK) life, I do work in the PR and social media field.

And having watched a bunfight here on the message board, I wanted to deliver a boring lecture on communicating online. So here goes:

  • When we speak to each other in person, we get the words, but we get inflection (WHAT is this thing CALLED? LOVE? What is this thing called LOVE? What is THIS thing called, love?), and we also get all the facial and nonverbal cues that go with the words and inflection. A raised eyebrow, a smile, a scowl, the shaking head, a lean-in or lean-out, the perfect gesture... It's an immensely rich form of communication.
  • When we speak on the phone, even without the visual elements, we get the richness of the other person's voice.
  • A book, a letter, a magazine -- we're robbed of that richness, but we are forced to contemplate the meaning of those inkstains on the paper. The interaction is all in our head. We don't talk back to our books (well, they don't respond at least!). We think about them.
  • But this, this conglomeration of pixels. It's the worst of everything. None of the richness of face-to-face or even voice-only communications, but all of the instantaneity. We try TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPS or use :0:;-D:alien::ambivalence: to make up for the deficits, but it's not the same.
  • Is it any wonder that when we interact in this desperately impoverished, blatant state we end up with misunderstandings, arguments, and sometimes hurt feelings?
So to end this lecture:

  1. TAKE CARE with your words and your writing. The difference between the right word and the wrong one can sometimes be incredibly small. Read what you wrote (out loud if you can) before hitting post.
  2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
  3. Try not to make statements out of your ability to prove logically. "Canadians are stupid." How many Canadians do you know? Have you read research that backs this up? Then try "THAT Canadian is stupid."
  4. When given the choice of being mean or being kind, try to fall on the kind side.
  5. And feel free to ignore me! Because all of this advice is just my opinion.

another pet peeve of mine is when someone posts "some people" or "you know who you are" - like that somehow makes it nicer by not naming names.... it's negative and nasty either way .....
 

Sigmund

Waiting in Uber.
Jan 3, 2010
13,979
44,046
In your mirror.
dont-try-to-reason-with-someone-who-enjoys-being-unreasonable-quote-1.jpg


:)
 

KingAHolic

Banned
Feb 3, 2015
6,926
20,505
Old Dominion
Isn't that what you just did in this post?

it would take a lot of time to list names of everyone that does or has done this ... whether it is done here or on other message boards, it's still something that should not be done. I see this as no different from any of the other rules of conduct listed above...things we should to do try to get along.
 

CrimsonKingAH

LOVE & PEACE
Jun 8, 2015
5,539
17,003
East Texas
In my other (non-SK) life, I do work in the PR and social media field.

And having watched a bunfight here on the message board, I wanted to deliver a boring lecture on communicating online. So here goes:

  • When we speak to each other in person, we get the words, but we get inflection (WHAT is this thing CALLED? LOVE? What is this thing called LOVE? What is THIS thing called, love?), and we also get all the facial and nonverbal cues that go with the words and inflection. A raised eyebrow, a smile, a scowl, the shaking head, a lean-in or lean-out, the perfect gesture... It's an immensely rich form of communication.
  • When we speak on the phone, even without the visual elements, we get the richness of the other person's voice.
  • A book, a letter, a magazine -- we're robbed of that richness, but we are forced to contemplate the meaning of those inkstains on the paper. The interaction is all in our head. We don't talk back to our books (well, they don't respond at least!). We think about them.
  • But this, this conglomeration of pixels. It's the worst of everything. None of the richness of face-to-face or even voice-only communications, but all of the instantaneity. We try TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPS or use :0:;-D:alien::ambivalence: to make up for the deficits, but it's not the same.
  • Is it any wonder that when we interact in this desperately impoverished, blatant state we end up with misunderstandings, arguments, and sometimes hurt feelings?
So to end this lecture:

  1. TAKE CARE with your words and your writing. The difference between the right word and the wrong one can sometimes be incredibly small. Read what you wrote (out loud if you can) before hitting post.
  2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
  3. Try not to make statements out of your ability to prove logically. "Canadians are stupid." How many Canadians do you know? Have you read research that backs this up? Then try "THAT Canadian is stupid."
  4. When given the choice of being mean or being kind, try to fall on the kind side.
  5. And feel free to ignore me! Because all of this advice is just my opinion.

This is very true.. so glad you posted this message!!! I wish everyone would read this. Thank you
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
No n_n, I don't think so. The problem with saying "you know who you are" is that truly obnoxious people actually don't know that they are or obviously don't care or actually intend to be, while innocent ones, toward whom the accusing person is not referring, wonder if it's them.
EXACTLY! The person who needs to hear the message doesn't see it. There are times though that you don't want to call out a specific person, and the message is a good one for everyone to hear so a blanket statement is issued in the hopes that everyone will look closer at themselves and do THEIR part not to be part of the problem.

And even when you take it to a private message, sometimes the offender is so obtuse they still don't think it's about them.
 

blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
EXACTLY! The person who needs to hear the message doesn't see it. There are times though that you don't want to call out a specific person, and the message is a good one for everyone to hear so a blanket statement is issued in the hopes that everyone will look closer at themselves and do THEIR part not to be part of the problem.

And even when you take it to a private message, sometimes the offender is so obtuse they still don't think it's about them.
Well, I definitely agree that calling out anyone by name must be avoided unless it's in a nice way.
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
Well, I definitely agree that calling out anyone by name must be avoided unless it's in a nice way.
And that's where the "some people" and "you know who you are" come into play. It's a valid way to get a whole community to examine themselves and their motives. What is driving your attitude? And why practice douchery on nice people? Why?
 

blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
And that's where the "some people" and "you know who you are" come into play. It's a valid way to get a whole community to examine themselves and their motives. What is driving your attitude? And why practice douchery on nice people? Why?
Of course, who decides who's a douche and why? It's almost entirely subjective, a matter of personal opinion. Consequently, it's kind of worthless except to be cryptic and confusing. It's why I'll never post something like that. Communicating via text-only is inadequate enough already. Just because there might be a consensus, or even a majority, of who's a douche doesn't necessarily mean the individual is in reality a douche. Granted, if/when someone refuses to play by a group's rules, then that's dutiful, imho.

My advice is to simply ignore someone who's proven him/herself sufficiently intolerant of me to deserve it.