I've read this thread and maybe it's the text format, but I have no clue WTF you all are talking about...
Communicating online
- Thread starter bobledrew
- Start date
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This message board permanently closed on June 30th, 2020 at 4PM EDT and is no longer accepting new members.
But I wanted to say thank you again to bobledrew for picking my question as one to ask Miss Mod back when he did the podcast (?) interview with her. Made me feel pretty cool, so thanks again! 
But in all seriousness to the thread topic, people have commented about the length of my posts at times. Well, this reason is usually why. I try to cover all the bases and explain it in detail so the lack of in person context doesn't completely dismantle the intent of the comment. But, even that at times doesn't help as people see a lot of text and skip it sometimes. Or, even worse, they parse one line out of a couple paragraphs and focus on that, when it's typically not even crucial to the point. By doing this, it eliminates the full context of the statement, too. Often times, in context, the answer to the parsed attempt to zinger you was in the part they deleted from the quoted comment. That to me, is flaming behavior also.
I'll retract all I've said and support the err to the side of being nice. That's all from me on this thread
Pardon me, You are retracting everything that you have said on the boards?
There are people who just get off on causing dissent. Best to ignore them most of the time and delay their gratification (sort of like a c***block, but with attention.
) When you notice someone lapping at your tears, don't cry. (ooh! Shades of The Library Policeman! lol)
Unfortunately, you can't change human nature.
In all my years here, I have never seen this board in such a tail-spin. I am choked.
There are people who just get off on causing dissent. Best to ignore them most of the time and delay their gratification (sort of like a c***block, but with attention.
That's sad and scary. I have worked with clients with Personality Disorders and they are CHALLENGING. And they DON"T know it. Not a clue. The only way I see them is usually by court order (court mandated) threat of losing a job, a relationship etc. But even then, what they want me to do is, "Get society to see how perfect I am and leave me alone."
And it is incredibly true they get off on people's pain ESPECIALLY if they were the cause of it. I would feel bad for them but ...
Staro, don't worry. These things come and go. Temperatures rise, then they fall again. The community here is strong enough to withstand a momentary flareup of emotions and then some.
Thanks for this Bob. We can all benefit from a reminder now and then.
I can only speak for myself so I'll start with the girl in the mirror.....
I can only speak for myself so I'll start with the girl in the mirror.....
Ok. I am taking the plunge, mainly because I couldn't agree more with what Staro said.
I've been an off and on member of this board for close to ten years, and a reminder/lesson like this has never even needed to be thought of, let alone posted. This was a safe haven for people to come, a place where us weirdos were accepted for who we were and we didn't have to pretend to be all perfect for each other. We supported each other, told each other things we couldn't even tell our own families, we laughed together, we cried together, we became a real family.
And, just so I am clear, this post is directed to the board at large. If you find yourself taking it personally, maybe that should be a wake up call to yourself to examine your behavior. Bear in mind, I don't know too many people here. I'm learning my way around, but I don't know anyone well enough to be directing a post at someone in particular. (Yet. I hope that changes. For all the drama, I can easily see there are some incredible people here.) This post is simply an answer to all the hurt and confusion I've seen.
So please, if you're only here to create drama, to create hurt, then find a board that doesn't mind it as much as we do. Let this be a safe haven once more, a place where King nuts can come and be free, can be themselves. A place where offense is rarely taken and never truly meant. I know it can happen, because I've seen it...
There is so much ugliness in the world, must we bring it here too?
...sadly Bob, this has been drug out into more than a "flare-up"...it has consumed most every aspect of this Board at one time or another...I appreciate your comments and they go to the heart of my Speech/Communication degree and my original career as a broadcaster...these are not only basic laws of human interaction but essential common-sense guidelines....I hope that the enforced shutdown will allow any of us who want to set a bag of burning dog poop at our door, to take a hike-and allow the rest of the family to be together again...
Beautiful post, Thank you.
In my other (non-SK) life, I do work in the PR and social media field.
And having watched a bunfight here on the message board, I wanted to deliver a boring lecture on communicating online. So here goes:
So to end this lecture
- When we speak to each other in person, we get the words, but we get inflection (WHAT is this thing CALLED? LOVE? What is this thing called LOVE? What is THIS thing called, love?), and we also get all the facial and nonverbal cues that go with the words and inflection. A raised eyebrow, a smile, a scowl, the shaking head, a lean-in or lean-out, the perfect gesture... It's an immensely rich form of communication.
- When we speak on the phone, even without the visual elements, we get the richness of the other person's voice.
- A book, a letter, a magazine -- we're robbed of that richness, but we are forced to contemplate the meaning of those inkstains on the paper. The interaction is all in our head. We don't talk back to our books (well, they don't respond at least!). We think about them.
- But this, this conglomeration of pixels. It's the worst of everything. None of the richness of face-to-face or even voice-only communications, but all of the instantaneity. We try TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPS or use
to make up for the deficits, but it's not the same.
- Is it any wonder that when we interact in this desperately impoverished, blatant state we end up with misunderstandings, arguments, and sometimes hurt feelings?
- TAKE CARE with your words and your writing. The difference between the right word and the wrong one can sometimes be incredibly small. Read what you wrote (out loud if you can) before hitting post.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt.
- Try not to make statements out of your ability to prove logically. "Canadians are stupid." How many Canadians do you know? Have you read research that backs this up? Then try "THAT Canadian is stupid."
- When given the choice of being mean or being kind, try to fall on the kind side.
- And feel free to ignore me! Because all of this advice is just my opinion.
Thank you for this post; well written and well said.