Sorry for all your losses. My main issue right now is I will almost certainly totally lose it when my mom dies and never be happy again, and she is 91. Sometimes I write down stuff that doesn't even matter because I expect to lose my mind and want to save as much as possible beforehand. So far my problem seems to be mainly not grief but extreme anger following loss of a loved one and rage directed at people who do thoughtless and horrible things rendering the loss worse. Not quite as bad as the pastor who recently authorized having a five-year-old boy's grave marker repossessed because the parents owed him money, but not good either. You all know what happened with Ray Bradbury's house which I am really not over whatsoever at all. You can't prevent people dying but that doesn't mean their legacy should be disrespected. I also expect to have no legacy and people to get rid of my stuff as fast as they can toss it because no one understands, which also does not help, that everything I care about and do is mostly for nothing.
My dad passed away on October 15, 2007, and my wonderful handyman of twelve years on October 14, 2014, so in other words my niece's wedding was the day before the tenth anniversary of Dad's death and the day of the third anniversary of Darrell's. I spend a lot of time in the cemetery taking care of Darrell's grave and a memorial stone for Dad and a memorial I keep there for our church pastor who passed away on November 6, 2010 as well as maintaining or keeping an eye on several others. So you might say October and November can be a trifle difficult for me--not to mention Ray Bradbury, who was actually born in August and passed away in June but October was his month and Halloween was his Christmas! I was making spooky trees back in fifth grade, which would be 1972, the year The Halloween Tree was published, and I didn't know of the book until three years later in eighth grade, so Ray just really encouraged likes and interests I already had as well as promoted others. I've been more into Halloween decorations since 2012, a lot of which is mourning for Ray. Darrell helped me assemble a Halloween Tree in my yard--which has fallen into disrepair along with other things around the yard--as Darrell is no longer here and I can't keep up with everything myself--discouragement.
Anyhow, Dad passed away at home. I'd been talking to him a couple of hours before and went in to say good night and ask if he needed anything before I went to bed, only to find him conscious but unresponsive. I ran and got my doctor sister and he was gone shortly afterwards. I was there when the mortician and assistant came to take him away. He was sick for ten years and then went just like that. I then had to rush around and prepare for this elaborate funeral he wanted. I felt something terrible would happen if I didn't get every detail perfect. Not everything could be had in Dayton so I was going to have to go to Walla Walla, over thirty miles, for scrapbooking supplies and frames for the photo tributes and the last shirt he would ever wear as he didn't have a decent shirt that went with his suit. The bad part happened when this guy came over. He was mentally challenged but could talk and do certain things such as mow the lawn. I had hired another guy to do some jobs around the yard such as tree trimming--anything Darrell was unable to do and for which I could not enlist a professional--another long stressful story--and this other guy, who was higher-functioning, had contracted this pillock to help him. I know we're not supposed to use the term retard, so I will say friggin' clueless moron. Anyhow, the friggin' clueless moron, who was hired not by me, but by this other guy I had hired, chose that exact moment when I was rushing around trying to get everything ready for this trip to Walla Walla, to come over and talk to me about it, which he had NO BLOODY BUSINESS DOING, because a) the other guy contracted him and kept track of his hours--I had no clue how long he may have worked-- b) he had no reason to talk about being paid anyway as not all of the work was even done, c) This was Tuesday and HE KNEW DAMN GOOD AND WELL MY DAD HAD PASSED AWAY ON MONDAY MORNING and I was rushing around preparing for a funeral! I tried to hint that now was not a good time, and persuade him to leave before I had to throw him out, but Mom was trying to be polite and rather than lose it in front of her, I finally made a wild guess as to the amount and dashed off a check. Just as I was on my way out the door, the guy who had contracted the friggin' clueless moron came over saying the check was for too much (WELL, DUH, I HAD NO IDEA HOW LONG THIS CRETIN HAD WORKED) and I had to alter the check and run out the door practically hyperventilating. The higher-functioning guy berated the stupid moron for what he had done, and then the stupid moron had the nerve to get mad at him! I knew the stupid moron was stupid, but had given him credit for way more sense than he actually proved to have.
So on The Twilight Zone forums was a thread, "What Gets on Your Nerves?" and I posted, "Friggin' clueless morons who can't get a friggin' clue." A member there thought I was talking about him and totally went off at me. I PMed the moderator about the actual situation. The forum has since changed hosts, so all the PMs were lost and I don't have the exact messages, but he was really great about it. It's been ten years and I still hate the stupid moron's creepy clueless guts. He lives across the alley from me, I don't work out back that much because as I say I can barely keep up on the front and sides of the yard, and when I do work out back I have been blessed not to see him. On Sunday I was out back collecting pebbles to put in a planter and I did see the guy at a distance, talking to his mom about mowing the lawn one last time for the season (which I also have to do and don't see how I'll manage) and I was still ready to kill him and probably always will be.
A flute and piccolo player in the musical with me when the pastor died (live theater here started entirely because of him and I was good friends with him for 17 years when this woman knew him much less and obviously didn't care) insulted the crap out of me when the cast was on its way to his deathbed. That was Saturday morning and he passed away that night. The attack was sudden, vicious, entirely out of left field, and literally on the walk between the theater and his house! For years I couldn't stand the sound of a flute or piccolo. When I see someone at a distance who I think might be her, my throat tightens and I can feel my hackles start to rise. The worst of it was, she was very sympathetic when my dad passed and another time when my car got smashed up. I had absolutely no reason to expect such an attack from her at any time, let alone on that particular occasion!
No one really insulted me connected with Darrell's death, but I have had terrible luck getting help since and one creep ripped us off so badly my sister had to intervene and will probably never forgive me. There were also two incidents connected with a miniature Halloween tree I made a few years ago. One might have been a joke and only annoyed me but the other absolutely enraged me. I haven't seen the guy who caused the situation since then and he's lucky if I don't. I've been stressed as I wanted to make another--this was one Darrell actually put together for me in a case, and I didn't display out of the case because I hadn't figured out a good base--but I finally got one the other day and made good progress on it but now I have to drop everything because I am starting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy the day before Halloween. Anyhow, if the display is not all up to my satisfaction on Halloween, I will finish it and leave it up a day or two for the Day of the Dead festival which is actually after Halloween.
My dad passed away on October 15, 2007, and my wonderful handyman of twelve years on October 14, 2014, so in other words my niece's wedding was the day before the tenth anniversary of Dad's death and the day of the third anniversary of Darrell's. I spend a lot of time in the cemetery taking care of Darrell's grave and a memorial stone for Dad and a memorial I keep there for our church pastor who passed away on November 6, 2010 as well as maintaining or keeping an eye on several others. So you might say October and November can be a trifle difficult for me--not to mention Ray Bradbury, who was actually born in August and passed away in June but October was his month and Halloween was his Christmas! I was making spooky trees back in fifth grade, which would be 1972, the year The Halloween Tree was published, and I didn't know of the book until three years later in eighth grade, so Ray just really encouraged likes and interests I already had as well as promoted others. I've been more into Halloween decorations since 2012, a lot of which is mourning for Ray. Darrell helped me assemble a Halloween Tree in my yard--which has fallen into disrepair along with other things around the yard--as Darrell is no longer here and I can't keep up with everything myself--discouragement.
Anyhow, Dad passed away at home. I'd been talking to him a couple of hours before and went in to say good night and ask if he needed anything before I went to bed, only to find him conscious but unresponsive. I ran and got my doctor sister and he was gone shortly afterwards. I was there when the mortician and assistant came to take him away. He was sick for ten years and then went just like that. I then had to rush around and prepare for this elaborate funeral he wanted. I felt something terrible would happen if I didn't get every detail perfect. Not everything could be had in Dayton so I was going to have to go to Walla Walla, over thirty miles, for scrapbooking supplies and frames for the photo tributes and the last shirt he would ever wear as he didn't have a decent shirt that went with his suit. The bad part happened when this guy came over. He was mentally challenged but could talk and do certain things such as mow the lawn. I had hired another guy to do some jobs around the yard such as tree trimming--anything Darrell was unable to do and for which I could not enlist a professional--another long stressful story--and this other guy, who was higher-functioning, had contracted this pillock to help him. I know we're not supposed to use the term retard, so I will say friggin' clueless moron. Anyhow, the friggin' clueless moron, who was hired not by me, but by this other guy I had hired, chose that exact moment when I was rushing around trying to get everything ready for this trip to Walla Walla, to come over and talk to me about it, which he had NO BLOODY BUSINESS DOING, because a) the other guy contracted him and kept track of his hours--I had no clue how long he may have worked-- b) he had no reason to talk about being paid anyway as not all of the work was even done, c) This was Tuesday and HE KNEW DAMN GOOD AND WELL MY DAD HAD PASSED AWAY ON MONDAY MORNING and I was rushing around preparing for a funeral! I tried to hint that now was not a good time, and persuade him to leave before I had to throw him out, but Mom was trying to be polite and rather than lose it in front of her, I finally made a wild guess as to the amount and dashed off a check. Just as I was on my way out the door, the guy who had contracted the friggin' clueless moron came over saying the check was for too much (WELL, DUH, I HAD NO IDEA HOW LONG THIS CRETIN HAD WORKED) and I had to alter the check and run out the door practically hyperventilating. The higher-functioning guy berated the stupid moron for what he had done, and then the stupid moron had the nerve to get mad at him! I knew the stupid moron was stupid, but had given him credit for way more sense than he actually proved to have.
So on The Twilight Zone forums was a thread, "What Gets on Your Nerves?" and I posted, "Friggin' clueless morons who can't get a friggin' clue." A member there thought I was talking about him and totally went off at me. I PMed the moderator about the actual situation. The forum has since changed hosts, so all the PMs were lost and I don't have the exact messages, but he was really great about it. It's been ten years and I still hate the stupid moron's creepy clueless guts. He lives across the alley from me, I don't work out back that much because as I say I can barely keep up on the front and sides of the yard, and when I do work out back I have been blessed not to see him. On Sunday I was out back collecting pebbles to put in a planter and I did see the guy at a distance, talking to his mom about mowing the lawn one last time for the season (which I also have to do and don't see how I'll manage) and I was still ready to kill him and probably always will be.
A flute and piccolo player in the musical with me when the pastor died (live theater here started entirely because of him and I was good friends with him for 17 years when this woman knew him much less and obviously didn't care) insulted the crap out of me when the cast was on its way to his deathbed. That was Saturday morning and he passed away that night. The attack was sudden, vicious, entirely out of left field, and literally on the walk between the theater and his house! For years I couldn't stand the sound of a flute or piccolo. When I see someone at a distance who I think might be her, my throat tightens and I can feel my hackles start to rise. The worst of it was, she was very sympathetic when my dad passed and another time when my car got smashed up. I had absolutely no reason to expect such an attack from her at any time, let alone on that particular occasion!
No one really insulted me connected with Darrell's death, but I have had terrible luck getting help since and one creep ripped us off so badly my sister had to intervene and will probably never forgive me. There were also two incidents connected with a miniature Halloween tree I made a few years ago. One might have been a joke and only annoyed me but the other absolutely enraged me. I haven't seen the guy who caused the situation since then and he's lucky if I don't. I've been stressed as I wanted to make another--this was one Darrell actually put together for me in a case, and I didn't display out of the case because I hadn't figured out a good base--but I finally got one the other day and made good progress on it but now I have to drop everything because I am starting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy the day before Halloween. Anyhow, if the display is not all up to my satisfaction on Halloween, I will finish it and leave it up a day or two for the Day of the Dead festival which is actually after Halloween.
Last edited by a moderator:
