Getting the Words Right

[Donald Miller]

A reporter asked Ernest Hemingway if it was true that he wrote the ending to The Sun Also Rises over fifty times. Hemingway said yes. The reporter asked him why.

"To get the words right."
.

Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies' eardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place; it was reputed to be an intricate, headlong brook in its earlier course through those woods, with dark secrets of pool and cascade; but by the time it reached Lynde's Hollow it was a quiet, well-conducted little stream, for not even a brook could run past Mrs. Rachel Lynde's door without due regard for decency and decorum; it probably was conscious that Mrs. Rachel was sitting at her window, keeping a sharp eye on everything that passed, from brooks and children up, and that if she noticed anything odd or out of place she would never rest until she had ferreted out the whys and wherefores thereof.

By Lucy Maud Montgomery

The first paragraph of ANNE OF GREEN GABLES
.

 

[Moderator]

Maybe Hemingway should have tried 51 times--at least on the first part as I never made it to the end. Sorry, not a fan of that particular book.

 

[Bev Vincent]

Quote by Stephen King: “A friend came to visit James Joyce one day and ...”

 

[Grandpa]

I read that book in college. I remember Spain and wine and a bullfight. I don't remember characters' names or the ending, or even what it was about, if it was about anything. It was a slog.

But I like that quote. Reminiscent of Michaelangelo: "If people knew how hard I've worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all."

 

[Donald Miller]

What impressed me and what I was hoping might be the center of discourse is Montgomery's superb craftsmanship. She knows how to write sentences and paragraphs. I love how she used personification of the stream to describe the character of Rachel Lynde.

While I was waiting for it to be moderated, I thought that I'd give a try at writing something similar, but more suited to the scary story nature of King's writing. This is what I came up with--

.
Bill the butcher lived just where the main road veered off into a ravine so imposing that no one who ever drove along it, at least while they were sober, ever felt safe. The sides of the ravine gave the illusion that they were tilting in toward the roadway, about to collapse upon it. It was a natural ravine, not cut out or blasted through by human hands. Time and the hand of God or the devil had crafted this menacing structure. Otis, one of the convicts Bill the Butcher was sizing up, reckoned it was the devil and not God whose handiwork seemed ready to crash down upon the truckload of prisoners destined for the confines of Raeford State Prison for the Criminally Insane.

Despite the fact that every convict was shackled hands and feet in a daisy chain where every man was interconnected in this particular journey by links that had restrained nearly a thousand men over the last three decades, the guards still held their shotguns with an uneasy alertness, for some of the prisoners seemed as cracked and ready to burst loose in a frenzy as did the ancient crevices of King's Highway, westbound.
.

 

[Moderator]

What impressed me and what I was hoping might be the center of discourse is Montgomery's superb craftsmanship. She knows how to write sentences and paragraphs. I love how she used personification of the stream to describe the character of Rachel Lynde.

While I was waiting for it to be moderated, I thought that I'd give a try at writing something similar, but more suited to the scary story nature of King's writing. This is what I came up with--

.
Bill the butcher lived just where the main road veered off into a ravine so imposing that no one who ever drove along it, at least while they were sober, ever felt safe. The sides of the ravine gave the illusion that they were tilting in toward the roadway, about to collapse upon it. It was a natural ravine, not cut out or blasted through by human hands. Time and the hand of God or the devil had crafted this menacing structure. Otis, one of the convicts Bill the Butcher was sizing up, reckoned it was the devil and not God whose handiwork seemed ready to crash down upon the truckload of prisoners destined for the confines of Raeford State Prison for the Criminally Insane.

Despite the fact that every convict was shackled hands and feet in a daisy chain where every man was interconnected in this particular journey by links that had restrained nearly a thousand men over the last three decades, the guards still held their shotguns with an uneasy alertness, for some of the prisoners seemed as cracked and ready to burst loose in a frenzy as did the ancient crevices of King's Highway, westbound.
.

I'm trying to understand the purpose of this thread. Do you want others to post passages by authors they feel are good examples of getting the words right?

 

[Kurben]

A reporter asked Ernest Hemingway if it was true that he wrote the ending to The Sun Also Rises over fifty times. Hemingway said yes. The reporter asked him why.

"To get the words right."
.

Mrs. Rachel Lynde lived just where the Avonlea main road dipped down into a little hollow, fringed with alders and ladies' eardrops and traversed by a brook that had its source away back in the woods of the old Cuthbert place; it was reputed to be an intricate, headlong brook in its earlier course through those woods, with dark secrets of pool and cascade; but by the time it reached Lynde's Hollow it was a quiet, well-conducted little stream, for not even a brook could run past Mrs. Rachel Lynde's door without due regard for decency and decorum; it probably was conscious that Mrs. Rachel was sitting at her window, keeping a sharp eye on everything that passed, from brooks and children up, and that if she noticed anything odd or out of place she would never rest until she had ferreted out the whys and wherefores thereof.

By Lucy Maud Montgomery

The first paragraph of ANNE OF GREEN GABLES
.

Well, Montgomery got them right anyway. I'm not so sure of hemingway. I'm not a fan.

 

[skimom2]

Well, Montgomery got them right anyway. I'm not so sure of hemingway. I'm not a fan.

Neither am I. Montgomery is delightful, though

 

[Donald Miller]

I'm trying to understand the purpose of this thread. Do you want others to post passages by authors they feel are good examples of getting the words right?

The message about this said, "For shooting the [breeze]." What I had in mind, since I'm focused on writing, was to find well-written chapters or passages and see if whoever wants to join in can either discuss a passage they like, or place a passage in and use it as an inspiration for something they would like to right.

After I finished the writing a similar chapter about personifying (if that's the right word--still lots to learn) a part of nature, and use it to reveal character as Montgomery did in her excellent chapter.

I had my snippet sit around for a couple of days, while I worked on other stuff and then decided I'd go for it in the manner that SK writes. He starts writing without any idea of where his story will lead. I can do either. Lucky, I guess. I can know where its going, or as I did in this case, have no idea. I ended up with a four thousand word short story about a man retelling events related to his term in the State's Prison for the Criminally Insane.

I don't mind saying, It ain't bad. It's a good little read. (Rated R) But the subject matter insisted upon it.

I thought since there are other writers here that they might want to use this to generate some ideas and maybe it would lead to a discussion about the elements of writing, and so forth.

 

[Donald Miller]

About Ernest Hemingway. I remember from SK's book "On Writing" that he is a fan of Hemingway's and has a high regard for him. I share that opinion. One also shared by F. Scott Fitzgerald, who discovered Hemingway. E.H. was unknown at the time he published a small amount of books. One hundred and fifty I believe. Fitzgerald read one of them and immediately contacted his publisher. "You have to check this guy out. He's the real thing."

SK said, Even when he was drunk on his ass, Hemingway was a magnificent genius.

 

[Kurben]

Only proves that opinions differ. Hemingway would be rather low in my lists of fave authors.

 

[Donald Miller]

Only proves that opinions differ. Hemingway would be rather low in my lists of fave authors.

Not really. We are, after all, on Stephen King's site. And the opinion of someone of King's stature carries more weight than the average person.

Besides the conversation wasn't intended to be about Hemingway. It was intended to be about authors, like Montgomery, who at least try to get the words right. Most of the stuff that I read from other amatuer writers falls into the Ed Wood school of writing: Cut. Perfect!

 

[Kurben]

Not really. We are, after all, on Stephen King's site. And the opinion of someone of King's stature carries more weight than the average person.

Besides the conversation wasn't intended to be about Hemingway. It was intended to be about authors, like Montgomery, who at least try to get the words right. Most of the stuff that I read from other amatuer writers falls into the Ed Wood school of writing: Cut. Perfect!

Sure we are on his site. That doesn't mean we have to share all his opinions. That would just be boring if we lacked so much in individuality. You can take an advice from anyone, King or the Queen of England or the homeless man around the corner, when it comes to reading but once you have read your own opinion is the one you must follow. You can take advice from authorities but their opinion doesn't weigh in when you form your own opinion. It is just like art. Some are considered great masters, and perhaps they deserve it, but some of them i wouldn't get paid to have hanging on my walls at home.

 

[Donald Miller]

Sure we are on his site. That doesn't mean we have to share all his opinions. That would just be boring if we lacked so much in individuality. You can take an advice from anyone, King or the Queen of England or the homeless man around the corner, when it comes to reading but once you have read your own opinion is the one you must follow. You can take advice from authorities but their opinion doesn't weigh in when you form your own opinion. It is just like art. Some are considered great masters, and perhaps they deserve it, but some of them i wouldn't get paid to have hanging on my walls at home.

Okay.

 

[staropeace]

I do not always like Stephen's choice of writers...especially Hemingway. He was a macho drunk and he wrote like one.

 

[Donald Miller]

I do not always like Stephen's choice of writers...especially Hemingway. He was a macho drunk and he wrote like one.

This "conversation" isn't going along as I had anticipated. Hemingway -- and everyone's apparent dislike for him -- isn't the topic. Well-written sentences and paragraphs, such as the one by Montgomery, is really what I had in mind. That and talking about our own writing: where we are, where we want to be, and learning from people who can write sentences and paragraphs. Most people can't, IMO. Mainly because they don't try to get the words right. Most people adhere to the Ed Wood school of writing, "Cut. Perfect!"

So far, I haven't come across a single person here who's read King's book "On Writing."

 

[Donald Miller]

Quote by Stephen King: “A friend came to visit James Joyce one day and ...”

I just now went to that link. Interesting--

“A friend came to visit James Joyce one day and found the great man sprawled across his writing desk in a posture of utter despair.

James, what’s wrong?' the friend asked. 'Is it the work?'

Joyce indicated assent without even raising his head to look at his friend. Of course it was the work; isn’t it always?

How many words did you get today?' the friend pursued.

Joyce (still in despair, still sprawled facedown on his desk): 'Seven.'

Seven? But James… that’s good, at least for you.'

Yes,' Joyce said, finally looking up. 'I suppose it is… but I don’t know what order they go in!”


― Stephen King

Reminds me of something Joseph Conrad, my literary hero, wrote in one of his letters. After sitting at his desk for eight hours--his usual schedule --, he had five words. Then he erased them. That's dedication. I'm willing to work at it, but not like THAT.

Still, Conrad didn't write a single clunker.

 

[Demeter]

@Donald:

It was a pleasure to burn. (Ray Bradbury - Fahrenheit 451)
The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed. (Stephen King - The Dark Tower)
Two beginnings I will probably never forget.

Short, powerful sentences always create a better visual in my head. While I can appreciate a long and winding passage (I love Ann of Green Gables) it takes a lot more effort to get it right and not have the reader become confused as to the purpose of said paragraph.

I am intrigued by Bill's story but a short sentence here and there would make the whole thing better, the last paragraph in particular. My opinion, of course.

 

[Donald Miller]

@Donald:

It was a pleasure to burn. (Ray Bradbury - Fahrenheit 451)
The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed. (Stephen King - The Dark Tower)
Two beginnings I will probably never forget.

Short, powerful sentences always create a better visual in my head. While I can appreciate a long and winding passage (I love Ann of Green Gables) it takes a lot more effort to get it right and not have the reader become confused as to the purpose of said paragraph.

I am intrigued by Bill's story but a short sentence here and there would make the whole thing better, the last paragraph in particular. My opinion, of course.

Thanks for reading my story and commenting on it. I think your opinion (suggestion) is a good one. I'm only a writing student. So, at this point, I don't expect anymore of myself than what I wrote -- and it did go through many rewrites; and no doubt when I learn more, I'll improve it.

That image I'm using is from a comic strip I love. It's called "Calvin and Hobbes," and it was written by Bill Watterson. When he decided to end the series, he set his sights on becoming a landscape painter. He read somewhere that if you want to be good, you should plan on painting 500 pieces. So, last I heard, he's been painting them and then burning them. Supposedly a true story.

I remember reading that sentence from "The Dark Tower." King is a fan of Hemingway's, and you can tell it from that sentence.

He quoted from "Big Two Hearted River" in his book "On Writing." "Nick looked at the burned-over stretch of hillside, where he had expected to find the scattered houses of the town and then walked down the railroad track to the bridge over the river. The river was there."

"The river was there." is what makes it striking and memorable to me.

 

[FlakeNoir]

This "conversation" isn't going along as I had anticipated. Hemingway -- and everyone's apparent dislike for him -- isn't the topic. Well-written sentences and paragraphs, such as the one by Montgomery, is really what I had in mind. That and talking about our own writing: where we are, where we want to be, and learning from people who can write sentences and paragraphs. Most people can't, IMO. Mainly because they don't try to get the words right. Most people adhere to the Ed Wood school of writing, "Cut. Perfect!"

So far, I haven't come across a single person here who's read King's book "On Writing."

I think you might find a great number of us have read On Writing. (I've read it a couple of times, love it.) But perhaps not all are aspiring to be writers?