I Am Angry Today Because . . .

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GNTLGNT

The idiot is IN
Jun 15, 2007
87,651
358,754
62
Cambridge, Ohio
Me too! Now I have to decide if I want to try and find a wheel repair place to see if they can fix it or if I want to just buy a new rim. Stupid high granite curbs!
...even though I Jeep, I'm also a car aficionado-and I recommend just biting the bullet and getting the new rim...you'll never be happy with a repair, cuz even if it looks good-you KNOW she had a boo-boo and it just nags, nags, nags at you!!!!!...
 

swiftdog2.0

I tell you one and one makes three...
Mar 16, 2010
7,095
35,344
Macroverse
...even though I Jeep, I'm also a car aficionado-and I recommend just biting the bullet and getting the new rim...you'll never be happy with a repair, cuz even if it looks good-you KNOW she had a boo-boo and it just nags, nags, nags at you!!!!!...

Yeah, I hear you. Got a quote on a repair and it's about an $80 difference between the repair and getting a new rim. Will most likely just get the new rim.
 

CoriSCapnSkip

Well-Known Member
Jan 16, 2015
1,735
7,765
61
For those wondering where I have been, still pretty close to the end of my rope. Immediately after getting out of the hospital with my broken ankle in December, I made inquiries about having some work done around the property. At the time some of it was basic stuff like taking out the trash which I now can do, but also many repair-type jobs I can't.

At one time I could always get help with carpentry, etc., because there were several wonderful handymen in town, who have all since died or retired. My regular one for 12 years passed away in October 2014 and I've been struggling since. Then the state changed the laws so that anyone doing a job over $500.00 has to be licensed and bonded for like a million dollars. The one good remaining worker then left the state. (I have lived in the same small town, small county for nearly 50 years.) Incidentally, you can't get a good contractor around here either. Most of them don't answer inquiries in the first place, or do once and you never see them again. The house badly needs painting and we've been unable to have that done.

My inquiries resulted in only one name. This guy said he would have to stop at some point due to needing two major surgeries. The only reason they didn't do them now was due to his blood condition. Half the time he didn't show up either due to his own health or that of someone in his family. This went on for months as his surgery kept getting put off, but at least some things were getting done around here. Not as much or as well as with my good handyman, but I felt at least not at a total standstill. So at some point the older of my two younger sisters, the one who has always considered me defective, found out how much he was getting paid. I hadn't paid too much attention to Mom's complaints as she was raised in the Depression when wages were 25¢ an hour, also we hadn't added it up. Well, my sister came down with a friend to do a sort of intervention and they had Mom add it up. We were appalled and I still figure he must have charged three hours for every one he worked--no way was he physically present that many hours let alone did that much worth of work! It was a little short on evidence of being able to have him criminally charged though we looked into it.

So now my sister who has for about 45 years sworn there is something seriously wrong with me (after she found the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome I was diagnosed) has even more ammunition and more control over everything I do! Meanwhile I can do about half the stuff that needs to be done (if that--and I get very tired--) and have no help!

I was hoping to get as much as possible squared up around the house and yard now while I am physically capable, but I have lost a lot of incentive since nothing I do comes to any good and people still always bitch, the same as when people used to tell me to get a job, so I'd get one, and then I had twice the problems. Not only could I not do things at home or other important activities such as writing, but now I had a boss and coworkers bitching at me and making me feel twice as worse as before. (I have been on disability since 2009--this is another thing which worries me--not only is it not enough, but no one with any chance of being elected president this year promises to be exactly well disposed to people in my situation.)

The other night while channel flipping (I've been unable to read since spring, too nervous) I watched a few scenes from Stand By Me--one of the all-time great movies among great movies, but it made me incredibly sad. I caught the scene where Gordie is talking about giving up on writing because "it's a stupid waste of time." This is something I thought I'd never do, but in the last four years I've simply been forced to admit that taking into account the works of Ray Bradbury, Stephen King, and many others, anything good I'd have said has been said better by someone else, in several cases before I was born, and I don't have time to even READ all the good books! I've even read a few recently which were bad (by authors whose other books were good but had an off book) and realized I couldn't even have written something the caliber of those let alone their good works! This is a real problem because I've spent at least 45 years of a 55-year existence excusing things going wrong by being a misunderstood genius and I would make it all up when I succeeded in writing. Now I almost feel I don't have the right to watch a good movie because it won't influence success of my own.

I also watched the scene of Gordie's nightmare at the cemetery where his father said, "It shoulda been you." This hits uncomfortably close for my family because my dad had an older brother who was literally their blond-haired, blue-eyed boy--about to graduate high school at 13 because he was so smart--who died suddenly. My sister thinks Dad got the message his parents felt it should have been him (his mother was so devastated she died herself a few months later), and that's why all our lives, nothing was ever good enough and he always had something to prove. He considered my sisters the "real kids" of the family while I was just something that didn't turn out. By far the most painful scene in Stand By Me is Gordie breaking down sobbing, "My dad hates me, I'm no good." I saw the movie on TV with Mom after seeing it in the theater, and when it came to that scene Mom was staring at me as she'd heard me make the exact same speech with the exact same tears.

Over the years, other people have believed in me, such as teachers, and Ray Bradbury, whose encouragement was unwavering. All I wanted was to prove worthy of their belief. I now feel bad for all of them. With Ray Bradbury in particular I lost the last person I truly wished to impress. (My sisters wouldn't be against my succeeding but impressing them is not a major goal.) If I could even work part-time it would help but there is nothing I can do which anyone would pay me for! My last job was listing eBay items for a guy who never paid me. My counselor is trying to make me feel guilty claiming I can do everything around here myself. I can't. Even the stuff I can do is getting done way slow as I am discouraged and exhausted.

I could live with it if allowed to live quietly without my situation really changing, but the problem is I live with my Mom and am absolutely freaking out at her approaching 90th birthday. Everything which goes wrong seems to prove I can't live here alone after she's gone, even if I could afford it. My sisters are sending contradictory messages, expecting me to keep the place in shape for them and yet getting upset when I spend money on things I can't do and complaining on how much room my stuff takes in the house. At one point I spent a lot of time in the basement but since breaking my ankle I have difficulty negotiating the stairs and I don't see any of these situations getting better as I get older, yet I am too young and healthy to just die. Therefore I am discouraged. The sad thing is I feel unable to enjoy anything as I should be doing something else, and anyhow I have proven unworthy and don't deserve it. I just feel I have no place in this world.
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
For those wondering where I have been, still pretty close to the end of my rope. Immediately after getting out of the hospital with my broken ankle in December, I made inquiries about having some work done around the property. At the time some of it was basic stuff like taking out the trash which I now can do, but also many repair-type jobs I can't.

At one time I could always get help with carpentry, etc., because there were several wonderful handymen in town, who have all since died or retired. My regular one for 12 years passed away in October 2014 and I've been struggling since. Then the state changed the laws so that anyone doing a job over $500.00 has to be licensed and bonded for like a million dollars. The one good remaining worker then left the state. (I have lived in the same small town, small county for nearly 50 years.) Incidentally, you can't get a good contractor around here either. Most of them don't answer inquiries in the first place, or do once and you never see them again. The house badly needs painting and we've been unable to have that done.

My inquiries resulted in only one name. This guy said he would have to stop at some point due to needing two major surgeries. The only reason they didn't do them now was due to his blood condition. Half the time he didn't show up either due to his own health or that of someone in his family. This went on for months as his surgery kept getting put off, but at least some things were getting done around here. Not as much or as well as with my good handyman, but I felt at least not at a total standstill. So at some point the older of my two younger sisters, the one who has always considered me defective, found out how much he was getting paid. I hadn't paid too much attention to Mom's complaints as she was raised in the Depression when wages were 25¢ an hour, also we hadn't added it up. Well, my sister came down with a friend to do a sort of intervention and they had Mom add it up. We were appalled and I still figure he must have charged three hours for every one he worked--no way was he physically present that many hours let alone did that much worth of work! It was a little short on evidence of being able to have him criminally charged though we looked into it.

So now my sister who has for about 45 years sworn there is something seriously wrong with me (after she found the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome I was diagnosed) has even more ammunition and more control over everything I do! Meanwhile I can do about half the stuff that needs to be done (if that--and I get very tired--) and have no help!

I was hoping to get as much as possible squared up around the house and yard now while I am physically capable, but I have lost a lot of incentive since nothing I do comes to any good and people still always bitch, the same as when people used to tell me to get a job, so I'd get one, and then I had twice the problems. Not only could I not do things at home or other important activities such as writing, but now I had a boss and coworkers bitching at me and making me feel twice as worse as before. (I have been on disability since 2009--this is another thing which worries me--not only is it not enough, but no one with any chance of being elected president this year promises to be exactly well disposed to people in my situation.)

The other night while channel flipping (I've been unable to read since spring, too nervous) I watched a few scenes from Stand By Me--one of the all-time great movies among great movies, but it made me incredibly sad. I caught the scene where Gordie is talking about giving up on writing because "it's a stupid waste of time." This is something I thought I'd never do, but in the last four years I've simply been forced to admit that taking into account the works of Ray Bradbury, Stephen King, and many others, anything good I'd have said has been said better by someone else, in several cases before I was born, and I don't have time to even READ all the good books! I've even read a few recently which were bad (by authors whose other books were good but had an off book) and realized I couldn't even have written something the caliber of those let alone their good works! This is a real problem because I've spent at least 45 years of a 55-year existence excusing things going wrong by being a misunderstood genius and I would make it all up when I succeeded in writing. Now I almost feel I don't have the right to watch a good movie because it won't influence success of my own.

I also watched the scene of Gordie's nightmare at the cemetery where his father said, "It shoulda been you." This hits uncomfortably close for my family because my dad had an older brother who was literally their blond-haired, blue-eyed boy--about to graduate high school at 13 because he was so smart--who died suddenly. My sister thinks Dad got the message his parents felt it should have been him (his mother was so devastated she died herself a few months later), and that's why all our lives, nothing was ever good enough and he always had something to prove. He considered my sisters the "real kids" of the family while I was just something that didn't turn out. By far the most painful scene in Stand By Me is Gordie breaking down sobbing, "My dad hates me, I'm no good." I saw the movie on TV with Mom after seeing it in the theater, and when it came to that scene Mom was staring at me as she'd heard me make the exact same speech with the exact same tears.

Over the years, other people have believed in me, such as teachers, and Ray Bradbury, whose encouragement was unwavering. All I wanted was to prove worthy of their belief. I now feel bad for all of them. With Ray Bradbury in particular I lost the last person I truly wished to impress. (My sisters wouldn't be against my succeeding but impressing them is not a major goal.) If I could even work part-time it would help but there is nothing I can do which anyone would pay me for! My last job was listing eBay items for a guy who never paid me. My counselor is trying to make me feel guilty claiming I can do everything around here myself. I can't. Even the stuff I can do is getting done way slow as I am discouraged and exhausted.

I could live with it if allowed to live quietly without my situation really changing, but the problem is I live with my Mom and am absolutely freaking out at her approaching 90th birthday. Everything which goes wrong seems to prove I can't live here alone after she's gone, even if I could afford it. My sisters are sending contradictory messages, expecting me to keep the place in shape for them and yet getting upset when I spend money on things I can't do and complaining on how much room my stuff takes in the house. At one point I spent a lot of time in the basement but since breaking my ankle I have difficulty negotiating the stairs and I don't see any of these situations getting better as I get older, yet I am too young and healthy to just die. Therefore I am discouraged. The sad thing is I feel unable to enjoy anything as I should be doing something else, and anyhow I have proven unworthy and don't deserve it. I just feel I have no place in this world.
Well, that's a lot of stuff. First, you do have a place in this world, and second, Ray must have seen something to encourage you, so are you just going to give up? All his encouragement will be for nothing.

Have you actually asked your sisters to help? Asked them to hire people to paint? We have a wonderful community project in my area of the country where businesses donate paint and equipment and then volunteers from the companies go around town painting people's houses who are in need. Sounds like you fit that bill.

The things that need fixing? Watch a few youtubes and see if it IS something you can do. Sometimes when you see how easy something is to fix, it feels great to know you can do it.

Asking your sisters for help is not admitting defeat, or that you can't handle things alone. But, since this is their mother too, they should be helping in many ways. Not just leaving it to you.
 

Spideyman

Uber Member
Jul 10, 2006
46,336
195,472
79
Just north of Duma Key
My sisters are sending contradictory messages, expecting me to keep the place in shape for them and yet getting upset when I spend money on things I can't do and complaining on how much room my stuff takes in the house
If your sisters expects you to keep the place in shape for them, then they need to contribute equally to all repairs and also need to help in finding a qualified repairman. I agree with Dana Jean that they need to help. Are they expecting to reap all the benefits of your stress and worry and care of their mother?
 

CoriSCapnSkip

Well-Known Member
Jan 16, 2015
1,735
7,765
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My sister did send a friend to do one most urgent repair but they live a long way away and I don't know when he can come back or how much he can do. Until I do, I don't know which jobs to save for him, which to try to have someone else do, or who to get to do them, so with Mom's party coming up I've about had to give up on plans I had for the house this year. I am not hearing anything from them. My sister has so many connections I wish she could use them to find people to do what needs doing, without my having to stress out over it.
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
My sister did send a friend to do one most urgent repair but they live a long way away and I don't know when he can come back or how much he can do. Until I do, I don't know which jobs to save for him, which to try to have someone else do, or who to get to do them, so with Mom's party coming up I've about had to give up on plans I had for the house this year. I am not hearing anything from them. My sister has so many connections I wish she could use them to find people to do what needs doing, without my having to stress out over it.
Call and come right out and ask her to help. Make a list of things that need done and tell her to do them.
 

CoriSCapnSkip

Well-Known Member
Jan 16, 2015
1,735
7,765
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Call and come right out and ask her to help. Make a list of things that need done and tell her to do them.

You know, I started to do that with pictures, but got discouraged and quit. I've been doing what little I can, but it's going slowly and I'm freaking about what isn't getting done and how much harder things will be later when let go now. I wish she could recommend someone who could recommend someone for some of it. May try asking again.

It doesn't help much with my sense of purposelessness in life, but it takes my mind off it a little.
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
You know, I started to do that with pictures, but got discouraged and quit. I've been doing what little I can, but it's going slowly and I'm freaking about what isn't getting done and how much harder things will be later when let go now. I wish she could recommend someone who could recommend someone for some of it. May try asking again.

It doesn't help much with my sense of purposelessness in life, but it takes my mind off it a little.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Keep squeaking loudly!!!!
 

Spideyman

Uber Member
Jul 10, 2006
46,336
195,472
79
Just north of Duma Key
You know, I started to do that with pictures, but got discouraged and quit. I've been doing what little I can, but it's going slowly and I'm freaking about what isn't getting done and how much harder things will be later when let go now. I wish she could recommend someone who could recommend someone for some of it. May try asking again.

It doesn't help much with my sense of purposelessness in life, but it takes my mind off it a little.

Do not get discouraged, and do not quit. Call, text, email, write a snail mail-- state the facts that you need help with the repairs. Shout from the roof top if needed. If not spoken- nothing will move forward. You deserve to have the needed help. Sending love and green lights to help you.
 

CoriSCapnSkip

Well-Known Member
Jan 16, 2015
1,735
7,765
61
I guess I'm really sad and upset having to reconcile not being part of the world anymore as I see no way to do so. Even when I was younger and tried various jobs, nothing worked. Up until age 10 I did have bad moments, but that's all they were, bad moments. They passed and I still enjoyed the prospect of someday having a successful life. From 10 on I was aware that my survival depended on becoming something vastly different and better than I was, and age 10 - 45 was devoted to that. My main feeling then was frustration, that even succeeding at writing one part, let alone completing a whole epic, was so hard and it was taking so long, and particularly that my best efforts were not good enough. I wrote several books and even the best had to be self-published and I had to sell it myself. (I still have copies if anyone's interested--I just don't advertise or actively try to sell.)

I was then diagnosed with a condition which was from birth but not discovered for 45 years. It explained a lot but it didn't fix anything--in fact it made it worse because it inferred my struggles with writing might be because I didn't understand 99% of humanity! Still, I hoped/thought there was hope for me, that my disability might have compensating characteristics. (Many do but probably more don't.) I felt particularly bad when my sisters showed me up by building respected careers, but I still cherished the thought of hope for me. Not until really the last four years, when I saw things go bad for so many people and having so many people close to me dying, did I think, well, it looks like I'm going to die without my life having amounted to anything and the worst of it is I don't know how long it may take hanging around being a thorn in the side of humanity--since there seems to be nothing I can do that someone else can't do ten times better and faster, including writing. (I would have willingly let everything else slide to succeed at that.)

I still keep thinking there must be some mistake or oversight whereby my miserable existence could be redeemed. I could live longer if I learned to live crowded in with people I don't care to associate with, and give up everything I care for, but I can't resign to doing this. It makes it so even on a good day I can't enjoy what I'm doing because all I think is of who is going to take it away and when. Also if I am not valued now, no one will save what I do so I am working for nothing anyway. This doesn't help my motivation in anything.

It also seems wrong one person spending decades of anxiety at not being good enough and not being able to really succeed when others have poor health or other reasons for not being around terribly long.
 
Last edited:

fljoe0

Cantre Member
Apr 5, 2008
15,859
71,642
62
120 miles S of the Pancake/Waffle line
I took my truck in a few days ago to get some work done. On my list of things to get done, I added a seemingly very minor thing, my electric door looks were not working. The locks haven't been working correctly for quite a long time but the problem never seemed important enough to worry about until I was having other work done. The passenger side lock was working but the driver side was not. I had to use a key for the drivers side. No big deal but since I was having some other work done, why not get it fixed?

So, what I thought should have been the simplest thing turned into a 3 day ordeal. The mechanic got in a new actuator and put in the driver's side door. Everything was working great for about an hour and then it started malfunctioning again. I took it back and the mechanic checked for bad wiring etc. and finally thought maybe the part was faulty so he ordered another one. He put that one in and it didn't work either. His computer that communicates with the computer in my truck was telling him there were no problems. This nonsense went on for 3 days and he could not figure out what was wrong. He refunded me the money for the door lock issues but now I can't unlock either door with the remote or the inside switches. He thinks maybe the module that communicates with the door locks is bad and I'm going to have to go to the dealer to get that checked. It wouldn't be too bad of an issue except I have no manual lock on the outside of the passenger door. So after 3 days, I'm worse off than when I started. If I take this in to the dealer, I can predict a $600+ bill to get this fixed (the actuator part was almost $200 and there is one in each door). It just seems a little extreme for a freaking door lock.
 

Spideyman

Uber Member
Jul 10, 2006
46,336
195,472
79
Just north of Duma Key
I took my truck in a few days ago to get some work done. On my list of things to get done, I added a seemingly very minor thing, my electric door looks were not working. The locks haven't been working correctly for quite a long time but the problem never seemed important enough to worry about until I was having other work done. The passenger side lock was working but the driver side was not. I had to use a key for the drivers side. No big deal but since I was having some other work done, why not get it fixed?

So, what I thought should have been the simplest thing turned into a 3 day ordeal. The mechanic got in a new actuator and put in the driver's side door. Everything was working great for about an hour and then it started malfunctioning again. I took it back and the mechanic checked for bad wiring etc. and finally thought maybe the part was faulty so he ordered another one. He put that one in and it didn't work either. His computer that communicates with the computer in my truck was telling him there were no problems. This nonsense went on for 3 days and he could not figure out what was wrong. He refunded me the money for the door lock issues but now I can't unlock either door with the remote or the inside switches. He thinks maybe the module that communicates with the door locks is bad and I'm going to have to go to the dealer to get that checked. It wouldn't be too bad of an issue except I have no manual lock on the outside of the passenger door. So after 3 days, I'm worse off than when I started. If I take this in to the dealer, I can predict a $600+ bill to get this fixed (the actuator part was almost $200 and there is one in each door). It just seems a little extreme for a freaking door lock.
Don't you love modern technology! Hope it will get resolved soon without exorbitant costs.
 

fljoe0

Cantre Member
Apr 5, 2008
15,859
71,642
62
120 miles S of the Pancake/Waffle line
Don't you love modern technology! Hope it will get resolved soon without exorbitant costs.


I'm afraid that the device that talks to the device that runs the locks is bad and that is probably going to be expensive. I'm not really sure why it's necessary to have my locks controlled by a computer.
 

HollyGolightly

Well-Known Member
Sep 6, 2013
9,660
74,320
54
Heart of the South
I'm afraid that the device that talks to the device that runs the locks is bad and that is probably going to be expensive. I'm not really sure why it's necessary to have my locks controlled by a computer.
So true! I look at those cars that drive themselves and think what a costly repair that computer would be. Give me hand crank windows, a radio you tune with a knob. These days my speedometer doesn't work. I don't care. I just drive my usual.