Jokes

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blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
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blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
Grandparents

1. She was in the bathroom putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper goodbye!".

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was and I told him, "I'm 80." My grandson was quiet for a moment, then he asked, "Did you start at one?".

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, put them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?".

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!".

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?". I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?''. "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?", he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I pointed out something and asked what color it was. She told me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!".

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic...
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," the teacher said. A small boy wrote, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?", she asked. "Sure," said the boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close: "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6 year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as he is!
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
Oh man, this made me laugh. Thanks for my first laugh of the day blunty.



After putting her grandchildren to bed a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, put them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?
".
 

Neesy

#1 fan (Annie Wilkes cousin) 1st cousin Mom's side
May 24, 2012
61,289
239,271
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
The inventor of the thesaurus has died, deceased,kicked the bucket, dead,popped his clogs.

The inventor of the anagram has died. Long may he "erect a penis"

A roll of bubble wrap turned up at work today. I asked my boss what to do with it. He said "pop it in that corner"......I was there 2 hours.

"Some people call me The Space Cowboy"

"Eh?"

"Some call me The Gangster of Love"

"What?"

"Some people call me Maurice"

"Security!!!!"

"The arm bone's connected to the wrist bone"

"The wrist bone's connected to the hand bone"

"The hand bone's connected to the iphone"

Are you kingzeppelin 's cousin? He has not been around in a while and he lives in England, too!

Thanks for all the jokes champ1966 :adoration:
 

blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
Oh man, this made me laugh. Thanks for my first laugh of the day blunty.



After putting her grandchildren to bed a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, put them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?
".
=D