Jokes

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blunthead

Well-Known Member
Aug 2, 2006
80,755
195,461
Atlanta GA
adaptive-images.php
 

Walter Oobleck

keeps coming back...or going, and going, and going
Mar 6, 2013
11,749
34,805
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides'
 

Haunted

This is my favorite place
Mar 26, 2008
17,059
29,421
The woods are lovely dark and deep
There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical(SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical(SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM:Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants...

SL:It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM:Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL:The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM:It's not working.

S L :Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL:The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logicalarrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
download



SM:Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!
download




 

FlakeNoir

Original Kiwi© SKMB®
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
44,082
175,641
New Zealand
There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical(SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical(SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM:Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants...

SL:It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM:Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL:The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM:It's not working.

S L :Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL:The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logicalarrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
download



SM:Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!
download



:rofl:
 

KingAHolic

Banned
Feb 3, 2015
6,926
20,505
Old Dominion
While my husband and I got home last night, we were watching the news about a 100 year old woman that was going sky diving, and they were asking the people with her if they would do it when they were 100....

My husband looks at me and says .... "If I get to live to be 100, they can push me out of a plane without a parachute!"