Jokes

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Anni M

Beta-Tester */ Moderator
Moderator
Apr 12, 2006
4,790
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A Canuck Guelphling
(one of Unkee R's silly jokes. I get them daily and am only too happy to share LOL)
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The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)
When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:




10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!



9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.



8. Viagra, like a rock!



7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.



6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.



5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.



4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.



3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!



2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!


And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs.

(poster walks away, hang head in shame)
 

morgan

Well-Known Member
Jul 11, 2010
29,353
104,579
North Dakota
(one of Unkee R's silly jokes. I get them daily and am only too happy to share LOL)
##########################################

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)
When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.
The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:




10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!



9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.



8. Viagra, like a rock!



7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.



6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.



5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.



4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.



3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!



2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!


And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs.

(poster walks away, hang head in shame)
Hilarious!! (But I would strongly disagree with #4! ;;D )
 

GNTLGNT

The idiot is IN
Jun 15, 2007
87,651
358,754
62
Cambridge, Ohio
(one of Unkee R's silly jokes. I get them daily and am only too happy to share LOL)
##########################################

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)
When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.
The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:




10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!



9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.



8. Viagra, like a rock!



7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.



6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.



5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.



4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.



3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!



2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!


And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs.

(poster walks away, hang head in shame)
:lol::clap::lol:
 

GNTLGNT

The idiot is IN
Jun 15, 2007
87,651
358,754
62
Cambridge, Ohio
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 

GNTLGNT

The idiot is IN
Jun 15, 2007
87,651
358,754
62
Cambridge, Ohio
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
 

morgan

Well-Known Member
Jul 11, 2010
29,353
104,579
North Dakota
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
:rofl:
 

king family fan

Prolific member
Jul 19, 2010
33,133
117,741
south
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
I was laughing so hard,my husband came in to see what I was laughing at. he laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes. He,s telling it to the guys at work tomorrow.
 

Mel217

Well-Known Member
Mar 10, 2017
904
5,756
(For the sake of remaining as non-offensive as possible, I'm using the name "John Smith" in this one. Whenever you tell the joke, change "John Smith" to someone you and the person you're telling the joke to mutually dislike.)

A man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates, he noticed the wall behind Saint Peter's desk was nothing but clocks with small nameplates under them. He asked, "Saint Peter, what's with all the clocks?" Saint Peter replied, "These are lie clocks. Everyone who is and ever was on earth has a lie clock. There's Mother Teresa's. It's pointing to high noon, which shows us she's never told a lie. There's Abraham Lincoln's clock. It's at 2 past 12, which means he only told two lies in his life." The man was amazed until he reached a name plate that said "John Smith." The nameplate was there, but there was no clock. The man asked, "Saint Peter, where is "John Smith's" lie clock?" to which Saint Peter replied, "It's in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
 

Mel217

Well-Known Member
Mar 10, 2017
904
5,756
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher stated that a whale could never swallow a human, because even though they are very large they have very narrow throats. The little girl said that the Bible said that Jonas was swallowed by a whale, and the irritated teacher said that was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I'll ask Jonas myself." The teacher asked, "What if Jonas went to Hell?" and the little girl replied "then you ask him."
xD
 

Charms7

Just Happy To Be Here
Sep 6, 2007
4,751
6,535
72
Katy, TX *USA
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. The plan is for each spiritual leader to go into the woods, find 
a bear, and attempt to convert him. They agreed on a time and place to meet to tell their tales and share their experiences. The priest begins: “When I found a bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” declared the minister, “and preached God’s Holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “In hindsight,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the 
circumcision...”
 

Charms7

Just Happy To Be Here
Sep 6, 2007
4,751
6,535
72
Katy, TX *USA
My sister-in-law was teaching Sunday school class. The topic for the day: Easter Sunday and the 
resurrection of Christ.

“What did Jesus do on this day?” she asked. There was no response, 
so she gave her students a hint: 
“It starts with the letter R.”

One boy blurted, “Recycle!”

And the Lord separated His paper from His plastics and saw that it was good.
 

Charms7

Just Happy To Be Here
Sep 6, 2007
4,751
6,535
72
Katy, TX *USA
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all the cookies you want. God is watching the apples.”