First of all, the story was hard to find. Your authors page has several tabs to it and even boasts a "community " area. Authors who don't have a lot of work to share yet don't really need to have a " community " so if you are not already receiving daily visits to your web community from a variety of different people, I would remove that, it makes you look like an over eager amateur. Removing unnecessary tabs and areas will only highlight your work and make it easier to find.
Once I finally found your story, it wasn't too bad. I felt like the dialogue was sloppy the new titles were nonsensical. Papers don't really title articles about killers the way they did in your story. If you want it realistic, it wasn't. If you want it cliched dark comic novel goth noir then that's fine. In a dark world of your own, newspapers say whatever you want them to
What I really enjoyed about this story was two things: the way you use descriptive writing to show things, I really dug the train being described as a centipede. I also really enjoyed the ending. Although a little twisty, I did not see it coming, and I did think about it afterwards, it sort of clung to me like when you touch something greasy and then can't wash it off your hands. I remember shuddering later on and thinking about how their really are people out there as crazy as your killer.
Although having a slightly sloppy feel, I liked it a lot. If you keep it up you can be a very solid writer, with your descriptive imagination. Writing dialogue and making things up can be very hard, seeing as how they have to be fake, yet ring true.
When I was reading, the crazy killer newspaper titles reminded me of the newspaper titles in a comic book. I could totally see you developing some hard boiled goth crime stuff with a mindset like this and I like to read that stuff.
All in all, I would say a B. I really liked and was taken by surprise by the ending, I didn't even see it coming.
