Men Rules

[DiO'Bolic]

Sunday = Sports.

Fall asleep in yesterday’s clothes, wake up in today’s clothes.

“Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions either.

Out of cologne, use Febreze.

Beer is a necessary food group.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever!

 

[arista]

Amen to that last one...I do not care how physically fit you are...No one looks good in a speedo.

 

[Moderator]

Amen to that last one...I do not care how physically fit you are...No one looks good in a speedo.

Wish I could "like" that several times!

 

[Out of Order]

The recliner is a perfectly suitable hamper.

 

[Dana Jean]

Wish I could "like" that several times!

Seriously. After our Miami beach day, I've seen enough for a lifetime.

 

[blunthead]

Toilet lids don't matter.

Taking out the garbage is doing plenty.

 

[Out of Order]

Farting is living a healthy lifestyle.
Belching is living a healthy lifestyle.
One-ply is plenty.

 

[Walter Oobleck]

My wife the other day, early in the morning she tells me about this spider. She's on the couch, feet up, phone in hand, a spider the size of a crab starts making its way across the carpet. I'm upstairs sleeping. She tried to get up. The blanket on her legs got her tangled up, spider gets away...under my side of the couch recliner. Nice.

Fast forward to when she gets home from work...I'm waiting on her so she can tell me how to cook the Sloppy Joes...I did dice the onions, thaw out the ground venison. She mentions the crab in passing to hang her jacket in the living room closet. I've got everything prepared by the stove...doing my part. She comes trotting into the kitchen, look! I proceed with caution, take a step forward, crane my head forward...and make this unmanly noise. Perhaps I startled a tad. She had...a black knit glove...I think...lying on the floor. She thought it was a hoot. I took a dim view of her shenanigans.

When a man makes an unmanly noise and ducks around the corner, he is only trying to commiserate and empathize with the woman's fear of spiders.

I do have one item that will remove the smell of cabbage...free enterprise, competition and all.

 

[arista]

They should really make "Adult" grananimals for men. Some examples would be having two matching beer tags, two matching fish etc. This would make wardrobe selection so much easier.

 

[kingricefan]

Toilet lids don't matter.

Taking out the garbage is doing plenty.

You stole my thunder! I was going to say 'Always, always leave the toilet lid up. It's axiomatic!'

 

[kingricefan]

'Got a headache.' is an acceptable response to the question 'How are you feeling.'

 

[kingricefan]

Meat, and nothing but meat, makes a perfectly good meal.

 

[KingAHolic]

automatic owner of the remote control (may be decided to be an additional new body part....)

 

[DiO'Bolic]

automatic owner of the remote control (may be decided to be an additional new body part....)

Hmmm... I live in a household full of women. This couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Me: Why can’t I have control of the remote on occasion?

Any one of three women: Because the shows you watch are stupid!

 

[KingAHolic]

Hmmm... I live in a household full of women. This couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Me: Why can’t I have control of the remote on occasion?

Any one of three women: Because the shows you watch are stupid!

I must be doing something wrong! - I have to go to the other room if I want to watch something other than hockey, baseball, football etc., or watch any show he's not interested in!

 

[DiO'Bolic]

I must be doing something wrong! - I have to go to the other room if I want to watch something other than hockey, baseball, football etc., or watch any show he's not interested in!

Yes, yes you are!

 

[Walter Oobleck]

When a man says he's going to do something, you can take that to the bank and draw interest on it. Say like this laundry room, spare room addition I started nine or ten years ago. Well...I didn't finish it until this winter. A man can have the best of intentions, but is often drawn away for other things...like naps, maybe a drive out in the bush where the man likes to hunt...reading...other distractions. Women need to relax and give their man some room...he'll get it done if he said so.

 

[KingAHolic]

 

[GNTLGNT]

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

 

[DiO'Bolic]

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

You're a far, far braver man than I am.