On Alcohol Abuse

[Charms7]

Someone close to me I strongly suspect is a raging alcoholic. And she's mean when she drinks. Yeah, I said she. She abuses everyone, careful not to do so all at once because, gee, can't have everyone P.O.ed at you at the same time. I'm no teetotaler, but this person drinks an entire bottle of wine EVERY NIGHT. The worst is on the weekends. That's when she gets to slurring, then gets to raging, then gets to abusing. Verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically. This woman has a great job, two fine children, two dogs, all of whom suffer because of her addiction. Seems intervention is my only choice, but how do I go about it? We're not rich by any means. This has been going on about a year and the situation is escalating. People are beginning to be afraid to sleep under the same roof for fear she will harm them in their sleep. (No names, please.) I need advice. Thanks.

 

[Spideyman]

Alcoholics Anonymous : Is There an Alcoholic in Your Life?

How do you know if you are affected by someone's drinking?

Prayer are with you. -- may "she" be guided.

 

[skimom2]

Unless the person is aware of the situation and wants to change, there isn't much you can do for that person. Bottom line.

Two things you can do: first, if you think there is a time you can talk to the person without them being violent, you can sit them down and detail what you've observed. On the slim chance they haven't noticed their own behavior has crossed into a real problem, this might open their eyes. You can always hope.

Second: the kids. I don't care what the situation is between you and the person, they need to be protected. If you see a time that your friend is being abusive IN ANY WAY to their kids, don't be afraid to call DCFS. Living with a drunk parent does bad, bad things to your emotions/thought processes/self esteem (trust me on this one), especially when no balancing influence lives in the house. Take care of them first and foremost. All my prayers for you--this isn't an easy situation.

 

[king family fan]

wishing her the best and will be praying for her to get help and get better.

 

[Charms7]

Thank you. And Skimom2, you're right. She won't listen. She blames everyone else. I need to get the kids to safety. Thank you for the prayers and links, everyone.

 

[Terry B]

I understand your problem Cheri. That gal was me 20 years ago. It took taking a punch at my sister for me to come to grips with my problem. I quit cold turkey. I only hope that your "friend" can see herself in others eyes and get help before someone gets hurt. Alcoholism is a disease and your help and understanding is the best way to help.

 

[HollyGolightly]

I agree with the other's - protect the children first. She's got to understand that she has a disease that's killing her and needs help. Some people cannot have even 1 sip of communion wine -their brain is wired differently. If this person is someone you love, let them know that what you are saying to them is done with the deepest love and care and you want to help. It's hard, hard, hard to be vulnerable and that's what is going to be required of her: acknowledging that she's got to rely on others to help her tend to the kids and sort out her life while she gets some help. My prayers are with you and her. It can be done. Don't give up on her.

 

[blunthead]

Unless the person is aware of the situation and wants to change, there isn't much you can do for that person. Bottom line.

Two things you can do: first, if you think there is a time you can talk to the person without them being violent, you can sit them down and detail what you've observed. On the slim chance they haven't noticed their own behavior has crossed into a real problem, this might open their eyes. You can always hope.

Second: the kids. I don't care what the situation is between you and the person, they need to be protected. If you see a time that your friend is being abusive IN ANY WAY to their kids, don't be afraid to call DCFS. Living with a drunk parent does bad, bad things to your emotions/thought processes/self esteem (trust me on this one), especially when no balancing influence lives in the house. Take care of them first and foremost. All my prayers for you--this isn't an easy situation.

Thank you. And Skimom2, you're right. She won't listen. She blames everyone else. I need to get the kids to safety. Thank you for the prayers and links, everyone.

I'm not educated about this, but logic dictates that Child Protective Services can't act without evidence of child abuse or neglect which is sufficient for them to do so. I don't know how they go about collecting such data, but of course if they aren't at least alerted to a possible problem they won't know about it. So, I think if a person concerned about children contacted them, anonymously if desired, it would be the right thing to do.

 

[blunthead]

I'm not educated about this, but logic dictates that Child Protective Services can't act without evidence of child abuse or neglect which is sufficient for them to do so. I don't know how they go about collecting such data, but of course if they aren't at least alerted to a possible problem they won't know about it. So, I think if a person concerned about children contacted them, anonymously if desired, it would be the right thing to do.

As for your alcoholic friend, I'd wait to see if CPS contacts her. If it does it'll be most sobering. She'll be forced to face herself at rock bottom, where she needs to be before she can consider changing.

 

[SutterKane]

At the risk of sounding cynical, there really isn't a whole lot you can do when it comes to other peoples behavior. If this person doesn't realize they have a problem, your not likely to convince them. I worked around alcohol throughout my 20's and I could tell you countless stories about people : School Teachers getting DUI's and losing their jobs, Marriages falling apart, bar fights over nothing, etc etc.......... Never stopped any of them from coming back for another drink...... The only thing you can do in your situation is report the person in question to the Department of Children's Services, since their are kids involved. Once DCS becomes involved it becomes a whole different conversation. They'll snatch your children at the slightest sign of neglect, and make you run the gauntlet, not to mention pay a small fortune, to get them back.

 

[Christine62]

First get the kids out of harms way. When I was 17, my mom called A.A. and two folks came over for HOURS. Then she and my dad (who was ready at that point) when to the local A.A. club (Midland Texas) and stayed until it closed at midnight. Then for the next 90 days that was my dad's new job. He got up and 7am, showered dressed and when to the AA clubhouse until it closed. I don't know if they have places like that anymore but it would be nice if they did. Will pray for you. c

 

[Dana Jean]

And the pets! Get the pets out of harms way too. You did say she was abusive to them too.

 

[GNTLGNT]

...all that's been stated above-plus law enforcement if needed...also buy her a couple of bottles of Boone's Farm-that'll cure anyone of drinking wine....