Quotes you just made up

[KingAHolic]

I didn't make it up.. but I love it

"Stop making sounds with consonants and vowels!"

 

[TarkDower]

Thought of this a while ago as a "pickup line", searched it just now and got no hits:
"If I had all the money in the world, I'd laugh at you for being broke."

 

[TarkDower]

I saw a woman in a wheelchair being wheeled out of the hospital with a potted flower in her lap. Fortunately I was too far away for her to hear me say. "If you washed better, those wouldn't grow there." I used to have some serious internal editor and impulse control failures back then.

I'm sorry, but this made me LOL my pants. It reminds me of the things (sometimes inappropriate) that my uncle used to say. One of my favorites was when I had just turned thirteen, he pulled me aside and said, "You know, when I was your age I was thirteen."

 

[TarkDower]

Since we're also sharing sayings we love:
"You shut your mouth when you're talking to me"
I'm a huge fan of this one because initially it makes one sound like a complete jerk, but because it makes zero sense at all it loses all weight as an a**hole remark.

I think this (or something like it) came from a Jim Butcher novel:
"I could count all the reasons on the fingers of one foot."

Terry Pratchett (again, something to the effect of):
"I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of grounds. It's the grounds that kill you."


And since the day it popped into my head I've been annoying folks with this one:

Me: I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?
You: Give me the [good news/bad news] first.
Me [you answer "good news first"]: The good news is there's no bad news.
Me [You answer "bad news first"]: The bad news is there's no good news.

Another annoying one based off of the phrase, "well, if it makes you feel any better you should [xyz]":
Me: Well, if it makes you feel any better, you should do it.
You: Do what?
Me: Whatever makes you feel better.

Needless to say, neither of these will make you any new friends.

 

[KingAHolic]

"I don't want to know what you know. I want to know who you are."

 

[Samantha_]

I don't care who you are, as I'm wary of anyone who "likes it just a little too much."

 

[80sFan]

"He lies better than most people tell the truth".

 

[CrimsonKingAH]

Tell me everything you know.. I got a minute

 

[Doc Creed]

A little misfortune can be the dawning of a new perspective. (Not very original but it just popped in my head. Nothing new under the sun, right?)

 

[Alexandra M]

If at first you don't succeed, screw it, who cares.

 

[Pucker]

Quiet is not the absence of noise ... it is the sound of peace.