I decided to try to share some of my work with other people although I don't really want to, I decided I'll try.
Here is my blog, where I have self " published " the first installment in a series I am working on. If having done this doesn't annoy me with myself too much I'll probably do it again.
I decided to try to share some of my work with other people although I don't really want to, I decided I'll try.
Here is my blog, where I have self " published " the first installment in a series I am working on. If having done this doesn't annoy me with myself too much I'll probably do it again.
The description at the beginning was perfect. It brought the reader into the story and gave them a good sense of setting and character. On the other hand, you seem to have the same problem as me with too much melodrama, rather than drama. Idn, we both might be control freaks. When you write melodrama, you are explicitly telling the reader how the protagonist feels about a certain course of action rather than instead leaving blanks with pauses so the reader can infer the meaning. I've been writing this shortstory/ novella portrayed around the area I live, ie streets of hagerstown. This is the first time Ive kept an outline while I write. I have even used a ten page character outline below. http://www.epiguide.com/ep101/writing/charchart.pdf
In all, I have written over four thousand words in the last two days. It works. The outline lets you know where you at in the story so that you do not add so much melodrama to comfort yoursleve. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it should be totally avoided.
You have great flow as a writer, just work on this and your rhythm will showcase itself better.
The main character seems deranged. This reminds me of secret garden secret window where the character is a writer and start looses his mind, escoecially when the money man came up and talked to him.
The character is a purposeful cliche and so I guess he's supposed to be melodramatic. I can't be sure if I read Secret Garden Secret Window or not, but the Dagny character is based off a real life individual I know. I don't really grasp your concept of melodrama so I may not get it though, your comments there.
In each coming installment it sorts of explains why his life is what it is so I guess that's all forthcoming.
Thanks for the read and the input Prescott Fry I really appreciate it. Maybe we can chat more about the melodrama again soon, sounds like you know something I can learn.
I guess I'll have to get Secret Garden Secret Window it sounds like that's one of the few King books I don't own and haven't read. Although, I feel like it was a movie with Johnny Depp that I saw?! Maybe I'm wrong, I'll have to go wiki.
I've been reading SK so long I've unwittingly stolen from him at times. In elementary school I wrote a short story based in Derry, and a few other short horror stories that I tried to copy Kings style in as a little kid, I even found myself writing an essay addressed to Constant Readers a few years ago. Whenever I realize what I've done I scrap it cuz I hate unintentionally subconsciously copying my influences/favorite writers. So I hope my character is not a copy of someone else's work!
...he hated the money man.. This may be redundant if you show the fact thst the protagonist hates the money man money's late through his behavior.
"He always tried to sound casual and he always tried to insult Dagny. From the way he had his hands stuffed into his pockets, and his hat tipped back with the **** eating grin, Dagny knew one was coming." A little frivolous. What did you mean to tell me? I lost ya in the mellowness Lol
Dagny grumbled to himself like an old bear woken up from a particularly good dream, I added this in because you reinforcing certain reactions but it's way to wordy in the context of the story pace. Melodrama
"The Wallet stayed leaning against the door frame, looking like a bully who was slightly scared of his chargE" this might get by, but you used this hefty construction before and it reads of melodrama when you should instead be using the story to move ya along.
I could show you more examples, and probably better ones, but I just got off of work and I am exhausted. Basically, you should focus on the pace of your story and just tell yourself that I am going to show rather than tell, even in the case of internal character Thoughts, show the struggle and let it expose itself over the course of the story rather than just say, such and such person scruched his face like a frightened cat. I'm not ragging on your work. It is great, wonderfully descriptive. You just gotta run it over a second draft and get it moving toward a central climax more, even if it's a series what reveals the protagonists life in an interpretive way, it still must have a climac and resolution and a tight knit theme or else the story will run in the clouds. Keeps writing )
...he hated the money man.. This may be redundant if you show the fact thst the protagonist hates the money man money's late through his behavior.
"He always tried to sound casual and he always tried to insult Dagny. From the way he had his hands stuffed into his pockets, and his hat tipped back with the **** eating grin, Dagny knew one was coming." A little frivolous. What did you mean to tell me? I lost ya in the mellowness Lol
Dagny grumbled to himself like an old bear woken up from a particularly good dream, I added this in because you reinforcing certain reactions but it's way to wordy in the context of the story pace. Melodrama
"The Wallet stayed leaning against the door frame, looking like a bully who was slightly scared of his chargE" this might get by, but you used this hefty construction before and it reads of melodrama when you should instead be using the story to move ya along.
I could show you more examples, and probably better ones, but I just got off of work and I am exhausted. Basically, you should focus on the pace of your story and just tell yourself that I am going to show rather than tell, even in the case of internal character Thoughts, show the struggle and let it expose itself over the course of the story rather than just say, such and such person scruched his face like a frightened cat. I'm not ragging on your work. It is great, wonderfully descriptive. You just gotta run it over a second draft and get it moving toward a central climax more, even if it's a series what reveals the protagonists life in an interpretive way, it still must have a climac and resolution and a tight knit theme or else the story will run in the clouds. Keeps writing )
Just a little reminder that we really can't have excerpts of unpublished work posted here on the MB. I know that does make the critique more difficult, but please feel free to use the P.M's when you'd like to quote specific passages.
Prescott fry I think I get what you're saying, I did write this as the start of a serial but mostly to submit for exam credit points in my creative writing class, and it's due in a week with revision so I will use perhaps your tips if I can to make it better before I turn in it to the prof to get my grade.
Thanks for the read.
P.s. I just looked up melodrama and from the definition, I'd say the story is meant to be a melodrama.
Vulture Lover, what is this 8). You speak of? Lol. I'm working on it. I've never sought feedback or revised a work so much so Im glad to have the input and I will be working on it some more.
..not at all, he's making a(in your case)misunderstood witticism as it relates to another Thread title on this Board....Frank is not cruel by nature...
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