So, what did you all do when the boards were shut down? We had the darndest time here. Let me explain.
When the boards closed down for the seasonal break, we decided that since we do practically nothing with this computer aside from troll the SK boards, husband and I decided to simply be caretakers for the machine until the re-opening of the boards. Everything was fine for awhile. We patiently allowed pointless updates to install. We dubiously kept our inboxes free of junk mail. We kept the screen dust-free and performed general maintenance. We were all one big happy family, despite an underlying sense of doom we all tried to push away.
Soon, my 5 year old son suddenly started talking to his finger and passing out in the bathroom. We started seeing ghostly images of a disturbing message that read "!DIA-LOOK YEH" painted on the wall in what appeared to be blood. Once we gave the hard drive a good de-frag, the message appeared more and things became much more disturbing.
Husband soon found what he called "a scrapbook", which was actually pintrest. He became obsessed with it and spent many hours with it. He became short, withdrawn, and snappish. I would hide in the entryway of the house and cower in terror as he sat outside, alone, in the evenings and hold one-sided conversations with two someones named Lloyd and Grady. I feared for his mental state, until one night he loudly snapped at Grady to stop stealing Lloyds Meow Mix. I became suspicious. He then, rather sharply, ordered Lloyd to stop crapping in the sandbox at the local park or else he would be forced to "correct" him. I peeked out the window and breathed a sigh of relief--he was simply talking to the neighbors cats (phew).
A week or so later, he began chewing Excedrin. He swore that animal images in the pictures file on the laptop were moving and changing positions whenever he turned his back on them until I pointed out they were gifs. He got so mad he attempted to attack me with a dog toy shaped like a roque mallet while ordering me to take some medicine. As I dove for cover, I passed a mirror and the haunting message revealed it's true nature: "!DIA-LOOK YEH" reads "HEY KOOL-AID!" and I screamed and screamed and screamed in terror.
Husband became distracted and accidentally smashed the laptop with the toy-mallet, causing it to go up in flames. Our neighbor, who happened to be vacationing in Florida at the time, smelled oranges and came to our rescue because he "just knew", and proceeded to beat the living crap out of the laptop with a broom he affectionately named "snowcat." After a lion gif almost killed him, the neighbor threw lighter fluid at it and blew the thing up. We hightailed it out of the house and called Ghost Busters. Ghost Busters had "INSANE" stamped on our foreheads and had us committed to a padded cell until May 15th, 8:30AM.
The actual cell wasn't so bad except for the fact we had to share it with some interesting characters, such as a killer clown who had a floating balloon fetish, and a crazy woman with a pet pig that would stare us down for hours and then, eyes popping, angrily shriek "HE DIDN'T GET OUT OF THE COCK-A-DOODY CAR!" Let us not forget the woman who refused to do anything but sit in the corner, clap her feet together, and happily sing about Tommyknockers, along with a very large and imposing man who fed peppermint candies to a resident mouse named Mr. Jingles. We were constantly threatened from the outside by a killer dog, a demon possesed cat, and hoardes of creepy kids that yelled a lot of stuff about corn. Their leader was the worst, and would alternate between quoting random scripture and coldly staring at us through the tiny bathroom window. Imagine THIS gazing at you when you're sitting on the john...
We plotted escape. I wanted to sneak out at night and run off to Boulder, but the others wanted to go to Nevada. As we squabbled and fought well into the night, we became aware that the entire padded cell was being circled by several un-manned semi trucks. Hours later, one of the trucks cranked up AC/DC and proceeded to ram into the side of the building, freeing us all. We all ran our separate ways, except for the crazy woman with the pet pig. Enraged, she got into an altercation with an ice cream truck and ran it over with her lawn mower. The whereabouts of her pet pig are still unknown, but I'd say that's the luckiest damn pig ever as I'm sure her life before escape was pure misery.
Sooooo....next time the board shuts down, someone ELSE is going to be this computers damn caretaker, cause I am OUT of the business.
Signed, Mel--Computer Caretaker, retired since 2017
When the boards closed down for the seasonal break, we decided that since we do practically nothing with this computer aside from troll the SK boards, husband and I decided to simply be caretakers for the machine until the re-opening of the boards. Everything was fine for awhile. We patiently allowed pointless updates to install. We dubiously kept our inboxes free of junk mail. We kept the screen dust-free and performed general maintenance. We were all one big happy family, despite an underlying sense of doom we all tried to push away.
Soon, my 5 year old son suddenly started talking to his finger and passing out in the bathroom. We started seeing ghostly images of a disturbing message that read "!DIA-LOOK YEH" painted on the wall in what appeared to be blood. Once we gave the hard drive a good de-frag, the message appeared more and things became much more disturbing.
Husband soon found what he called "a scrapbook", which was actually pintrest. He became obsessed with it and spent many hours with it. He became short, withdrawn, and snappish. I would hide in the entryway of the house and cower in terror as he sat outside, alone, in the evenings and hold one-sided conversations with two someones named Lloyd and Grady. I feared for his mental state, until one night he loudly snapped at Grady to stop stealing Lloyds Meow Mix. I became suspicious. He then, rather sharply, ordered Lloyd to stop crapping in the sandbox at the local park or else he would be forced to "correct" him. I peeked out the window and breathed a sigh of relief--he was simply talking to the neighbors cats (phew).
A week or so later, he began chewing Excedrin. He swore that animal images in the pictures file on the laptop were moving and changing positions whenever he turned his back on them until I pointed out they were gifs. He got so mad he attempted to attack me with a dog toy shaped like a roque mallet while ordering me to take some medicine. As I dove for cover, I passed a mirror and the haunting message revealed it's true nature: "!DIA-LOOK YEH" reads "HEY KOOL-AID!" and I screamed and screamed and screamed in terror.
Husband became distracted and accidentally smashed the laptop with the toy-mallet, causing it to go up in flames. Our neighbor, who happened to be vacationing in Florida at the time, smelled oranges and came to our rescue because he "just knew", and proceeded to beat the living crap out of the laptop with a broom he affectionately named "snowcat." After a lion gif almost killed him, the neighbor threw lighter fluid at it and blew the thing up. We hightailed it out of the house and called Ghost Busters. Ghost Busters had "INSANE" stamped on our foreheads and had us committed to a padded cell until May 15th, 8:30AM.
The actual cell wasn't so bad except for the fact we had to share it with some interesting characters, such as a killer clown who had a floating balloon fetish, and a crazy woman with a pet pig that would stare us down for hours and then, eyes popping, angrily shriek "HE DIDN'T GET OUT OF THE COCK-A-DOODY CAR!" Let us not forget the woman who refused to do anything but sit in the corner, clap her feet together, and happily sing about Tommyknockers, along with a very large and imposing man who fed peppermint candies to a resident mouse named Mr. Jingles. We were constantly threatened from the outside by a killer dog, a demon possesed cat, and hoardes of creepy kids that yelled a lot of stuff about corn. Their leader was the worst, and would alternate between quoting random scripture and coldly staring at us through the tiny bathroom window. Imagine THIS gazing at you when you're sitting on the john...
We plotted escape. I wanted to sneak out at night and run off to Boulder, but the others wanted to go to Nevada. As we squabbled and fought well into the night, we became aware that the entire padded cell was being circled by several un-manned semi trucks. Hours later, one of the trucks cranked up AC/DC and proceeded to ram into the side of the building, freeing us all. We all ran our separate ways, except for the crazy woman with the pet pig. Enraged, she got into an altercation with an ice cream truck and ran it over with her lawn mower. The whereabouts of her pet pig are still unknown, but I'd say that's the luckiest damn pig ever as I'm sure her life before escape was pure misery.
Sooooo....next time the board shuts down, someone ELSE is going to be this computers damn caretaker, cause I am OUT of the business.
Signed, Mel--Computer Caretaker, retired since 2017
, hope everyone had a wonderful break.