Thank You

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TwoHoot

Member
Nov 16, 2014
8
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Life gets complicated. All I wanted to do was say THANK YOU for all you wrote.

Now here I am at "Newbies Start Here" (Isn't Newbies some kind of transitional organization for boys going from Cub Scouts to Girl Scouts?). It isn't easy to say "Thank You" to the rich and famous. They hide out.

What prompted my need to say "thank you" after a lifetime of reading and enjoying your books?

I was reading your collection "Full Dark, No Stars" when a cockroach took a leisurely stroll across my kitchen floor. Instead of a quick boot crush and crunch, I gave him (her? it?) a little squirt of Raid that was on the counter where my lovely bride left it. The little bugger didn't like it at all, but suffered and died like a man on fire. I sort of enjoyed it and thought I ought to remember how it is done for when my time comes. (My lovely bride bought that Raid for something, hopefully the occasional roach).

As I sat back down to my reading, the thought crossed my mind that you could take that incident, write a 500 page novel and make a blockbuster movie out of it. Millions would enjoy it and learn something important too. That is a magnificent talent and a lot of hard work. Somebody ought to say "Thank You". Why not me?

But, like I said before, it's not easy. I can't just trot a pan of brownies over to your house or buy you a cup of coffee at the donut shop. Now here I am - a Starting Newbie. I've never been one before, but I don't feel much different than I did before registering. Maybe it is a transitional thing that takes time.

But time is beginning to be important since I have lived my allotted three score and ten plus a bit. Taunting my doctor (When did doctors get to be so young?) about smoking a pack of Camel regulars a day for 65 years isn't near as much fun as it used to be. I can tell it bugs her though, because she dyed her hair green. Why else would a MD with a husband and two young children dye their hair green? The point is I forget stuff and if I don't say "Thank You, Stephen King" right now, I might forget it. (The forgetting isn't so bad since I forget harsh facts and make up really cool stuff to take their place)

So, Thank You. Keep up the good work!

Cordially,
TwoHoot aka John Harper
 

TwoHoot

Member
Nov 16, 2014
8
21
80
Welcome John, quit smoking!
First rattle out of the box is snake eyes and a warning from the pit boss! How was I supposed to know this is a no smoking forum?

I can give up some of the smoking but I need to know whether it is my meth, crack, tobacco, pot, ham, turkey or brisket smoking that offends. Really, all I wanted to do was say thank you.

I do admire moderation even though it is not a fully developed character trait of mine. Feel free to moderate to your heart's content.

Cordially,
TwoHoot
 

TwoHoot

Member
Nov 16, 2014
8
21
80
...John?...reminds me, I need to go to the can....butt before I dew-welcome to the Board oh fellow inhaler of death chemicals....
I think John is a fine name. My mother gave it to me. She raised me on locust and honey (even though she wasn't Baptist) and did a damn fine job by my lights.

I am well known to every hooker, con-man and hustler on earth and they call me by name wherever I go. I take some pride in that.

And, being a John makes it easy to remember where to go when I need to take a GNTLGNT.

Cordially,
TwoHoot
 

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
First rattle out of the box is snake eyes and a warning from the pit boss! How was I supposed to know this is a no smoking forum?

I can give up some of the smoking but I need to know whether it is my meth, crack, tobacco, pot, ham, turkey or brisket smoking that offends. Really, all I wanted to do was say thank you.

I do admire moderation even though it is not a fully developed character trait of mine. Feel free to moderate to your heart's content.

Cordially,
TwoHoot
You do know I was just goofin' on you, yes? And stop all smoking. That includes your car exhaust pipe.;;D
 

TwoHoot

Member
Nov 16, 2014
8
21
80
You do know I was just goofin' on you, yes? And stop all smoking. That includes your car exhaust pipe.;;D

I can tell I will never make Girl Scout here so I think I'll just Keep on Smokin'! My doctor suggests you dye your hair bright florescent green. It makes it easy - even fun - to put up with TwoHoot.

As an alternative, I will do what you tell me and give up all smoking (but one) if you will do what I tell you. You can even have one exception too. Seems fair - you tell me what to do and I tell you what to do. That way, neither of us has to deal with our own problems.

Deal?

Cordially,
TwoHoot

ps - Who are all those people giving the clap?
 
Last edited:

Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
I can tell I will never make Girl Scout here so I think I'll just Keep on Smokin'! My doctor suggests you dye your hair bright florescent green. It makes it easy - even fun - to put up with TwoHoot.

As an alternative, I will do what you tell me and give up all smoking (but one) if you will do what I tell you. You can even have one exception too. Seems fair - you tell me what to do and I tell you what to do. That way, neither of us has to deal with our own problems.

Deal?

Cordially,
TwoHoot

ps - Who are all those people giving the clap?
those are my clappers. At one time, their claps were frozen. But, our board was tweaked and I once again have my clap back.
 

TwoHoot

Member
Nov 16, 2014
8
21
80
those are my clappers. At one time, their claps were frozen. But, our board was tweaked and I once again have my clap back.

That is the great thing about the clap - you only have it for a short time. Then it has you.

You know - our 15 minutes of fame and all that. You are lucky to get it back with something as simple as a Tweak. I will say it eliminates a number of things from what I will ask when you accept my deal.

Cordially,
TwoHoot
 
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TwoHoot

Member
Nov 16, 2014
8
21
80
I think the Newbies Start Here area is for introductions so I will introduce myself.

I am retired and live East of Eden (TX) in a land populated by many humorless Krauts, many cheerful Mexicans and just enough silent Swedes to add mystery and suspense. Legend has it that one of the Andersons said, "Pass the Gravy", in 1952.

I grew up West of the Pecos River and South of New Mexico in a land that the immortal Arthur Godfrey described as, "Nothing but miles and miles of nothing but miles and miles". He was right about that. As a result, I reached adulthood mostly unaccustomed to human contact and customs.

The journey from then to now was an exciting, strange, wonderful journey filled with good and evil, saints and villains, joy and fear. I wouldn't undo or change a single second of it.

I found and married a magnificent woman nearly 50 years ago. It wasn't a very romantic courtship since we both had a bit of larceny in our hearts - she thought I was a rich rancher's son and I thought she must be rich because she was going to an expensive private university. (Turns out my dad had nothing but dirt and debt and hers was a disabled WWII vet working for the Post Office) But larceny turned to deep love and trust as we became (and remain) each other's best friend and life partner. The rest is almost irrelevant.

Cordially,
TwoHoot
 
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GNTLGNT

The idiot is IN
Jun 15, 2007
87,651
358,754
62
Cambridge, Ohio
I think John is a fine name. My mother gave it to me. She raised me on locust and honey (even though she wasn't Baptist) and did a damn fine job by my lights.

I am well known to every hooker, con-man and hustler on earth and they call me by name wherever I go. I take some pride in that.

And, being a John makes it easy to remember where to go when I need to take a GNTLGNT.

Cordially,
TwoHoot
John-Wayne-Quotes-2.jpg
 

TwoHoot

Member
Nov 16, 2014
8
21
80
Now that's a fact. Beside, it is hard to argue with John Wayne. My medium can't seem to smoke him out. She thinks he is deader than dead.

Cordially,
TwoHoot