Therapists - anyone?

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not_nadine

Comfortably Roont
Nov 19, 2011
29,655
139,785
Behind you
Has anyone ever been to one? I have to go, for myself and for work.

I had been to one once - years ago and it was not a good experience. It must have been the wrong one, I was heartbroken and this man would just tell me to pray and do the Stations of the Cross. And he also told things that I said out of session to the family.

Now I have to go to keep my job. Ya see, I messed up again and got sick. RELAPSE. My fault and it involved hospitalization and missed time from work. Damn.

So - who's been to a therapist? Did it help?...
 

Spideyman

Uber Member
Jul 10, 2006
46,336
195,472
79
Just north of Duma Key
Haven't been. Read a ton of self help books over the years. Will hold you in prayers and positive thoughts that you are guided to a good therapist, one who will help and not jugde. Prayers and Stations of the Cross might be a good part of therapy, more so religion, but finding out and learning how to deal with life seems more important. A therapist who breaks a confidence should not be a therapist!
 

carrie's younger brother

Well-Known Member
Mar 8, 2012
5,428
25,651
NJ
I have been and it changed my life. You are correct; the therapist you had the first time was WRONG for you. (He actually sounds wrong for anyone!) The best therapists listen to what you say and guide you through your problems. They do not tell you what to do or how to do it. They listen and they suggest. The best advice I can give you? Be TOTALLY HONEST! Just let the truth flow. You can never get better and move on unless you are totally honest with your therapist. It is a cathartic experience when you find the right therapist. Prayers and best wishes to you!
 

fushingfeef

Finally Uber!
Aug 14, 2009
10,194
21,965
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Yes and they can help, depending on what's ailing you. Go with the attitude that you're the one who's going to make yourself better, and the therapist is just someone who can facilitate your healing. Don't expect them to wave a magic wand and make everything better. Don't hold back. Sounds like your first therapist was terrible, by the way, don't hold that against your next one.
 

Moderator

Ms. Mod
Administrator
Jul 10, 2006
52,243
157,324
Maine
I'd echo what CYB said. If you find the therapist is trying to solve your problems for you, it's not going to help. IMO they should be a guide to help you see what your issues are and compassionately assist in a way that you are able to find the solutions on your own with a minimum of help. If you're going the wrong way they should step in, but it's much more helpful in the long run if you can see your own truths and accept the part you've played in where you now are. When we're up to our ass in alligators, it's hard to remember our job is to drain the swamp. Remember that it's a process like peeling an onion and each layer brings something new to the table to deal with but it is very much worth it. It's hard work and don't let anyone tell you it is self-indulgent or nothing more than a pity party. What helped me even more than the individual sessions was going to a group because it provided support that I wasn't getting much of at home and it helped to see that there were others who had much of the same problems but with their own personal spin on them. It also forces you to reveal parts of yourself that you thought were too shameful for anyone else to know but in reality hiding that took much more of a toll than airing it and finding out you're still okay and that people will still accept you.

Best of luck! I hope you can go into it with the idea that it is to make you a stronger person and not something you are doing because you're being made to do.

(((NN)))
 

HollyGolightly

Well-Known Member
Sep 6, 2013
9,660
74,320
54
Heart of the South
Has anyone ever been to one? I have to go, for myself and for work.

I had been to one once - years ago and it was not a good experience. It must have been the wrong one, I was heartbroken and this man would just tell me to pray and do the Stations of the Cross. And he also told things that I said out of session to the family.

Now I have to go to keep my job. Ya see, I messed up again and got sick. RELAPSE. My fault and it involved hospitalization and missed time from work. Damn.

So - who's been to a therapist? Did it help?...
Darn it - I hope it wasn't a priest that betrayed you in such a way! Prayer and the rosary and stations are great meditations, but not always what someone needs - especially if you aren't Catholic (not sure if you are).
I would try to find a female therapist. I know there are brilliant male therapists, and usually priests are pretty good at it, but I can't imagine they can understand the way a woman thinks and feels. Don't feel bad about shopping around for the right fit. The crappy part is having to start all over again with your background information. I always think a power point presentation would make it easier on me - I wonder if they'd go for that.
 

GNTLGNT

The idiot is IN
Jun 15, 2007
87,651
358,754
62
Cambridge, Ohio
funny-frog-therapist-hands.jpg
 

Moderator

Ms. Mod
Administrator
Jul 10, 2006
52,243
157,324
Maine
Darn it - I hope it wasn't a priest that betrayed you in such a way! Prayer and the rosary and stations are great meditations, but not always what someone needs - especially if you aren't Catholic (not sure if you are).
I would try to find a female therapist. I know there are brilliant male therapists, and usually priests are pretty good at it, but I can't imagine they can understand the way a woman thinks and feels. Don't feel bad about shopping around for the right fit. The crappy part is having to start all over again with your background information. I always think a power point presentation would make it easier on me - I wonder if they'd go for that.

Not always. It was the women I'd tried before who were the worst about trying to fix my problems for me and not challenging me to get to the real issues. They weren't tough enough and I could talk my way right around them. Not to say there aren't women therapists out there who can't do that but in my experience with trying 2 or 3 before finding the male therapist who did help, I'd be more open to going to another man than I would a woman. It wouldn't be a guarantee as it really is more about their approach than the gender.
 

doowopgirl

very avid fan
Aug 7, 2009
6,946
25,119
65
dublin ireland
I'd echo what CYB said. If you find the therapist is trying to solve your problems for you, it's not going to help. IMO they should be a guide to help you see what your issues are and compassionately assist in a way that you are able to find the solutions on your own with a minimum of help. If you're going the wrong way they should step in, but it's much more helpful in the long run if you can see your own truths and accept the part you've played in where you now are. When we're up to our ass in alligators, it's hard to remember our job is to drain the swamp. Remember that it's a process like peeling an onion and each layer brings something new to the table to deal with but it is very much worth it. It's hard work and don't let anyone tell you it is self-indulgent or nothing more than a pity party. What helped me even more than the individual sessions was going to a group because it provided support that I wasn't getting much of at home and it helped to see that there were others who had much of the same problems but with their own personal spin on them. It also forces you to reveal parts of yourself that you thought were too shameful for anyone else to know but in reality hiding that took much more of a toll than airing it and finding out you're still okay and that people will still accept you.

Best of luck! I hope you can go into it with the idea that it is to make you a stronger person and not something you are doing because you're being made to do.

(((NN)))
Thats exactly what a good therapist is supposed to do. The one time I needed a third party ear, I was lucky and got what I needed.
 

Autumn Gust

Well-Known Member
Sep 20, 2012
3,360
15,346
I saw a psychologist for a couple of years when I was a teenager. Have you ever read Catcher In The Rye? Well, that was me… a female Holden Caulfield. Anyway, it took a lot longer to get the benefit of the therapist's wisdom because I was so stubborn. Being intellectually moody, sarcastic, and depressed had become my way of life and, in some weird way, I felt comfortable in it, even though I was completely miserable. :umm: I had a bunch of well-articulated "logical" reasons for why none of the therapist's "simple" suggestions could ever work in my particular case. However, once I broke down and started to follow his advice, it all began to get better. (I actually only began following his advice to prove to him how wrong he was. :facepalm:) The joke was on me, though. After about six months I had worked out my issues and no longer had need of his services. My advice, if you are anything like I was, is not to allow your mind to come up with endless plausible reasons why you can't feel better. Don't let your mind talk you out following advice and doing the things that could help you.
 

Moderator

Ms. Mod
Administrator
Jul 10, 2006
52,243
157,324
Maine
I saw a psychologist for a couple of years when I was a teenager. Have you ever read Catcher In The Rye? Well, that was me… a female Holden Caulfield. Anyway, it took a lot longer to get the benefit of the therapist's wisdom because I was so stubborn. Being intellectually moody, sarcastic, and depressed had become my way of life and, in some weird way, I felt comfortable in it, even though I was completely miserable. :umm: I had a bunch of well-articulated "logical" reasons for why none of the therapist's "simple" suggestions could ever work in my particular case. However, once I broke down and started to follow his advice, it all began to get better. (I actually only began following his advice to prove to him how wrong he was. :facepalm:) The joke was on me, though. After about six months I had worked out my issues and no longer had need of his services. My advice, if you are anything like I was, is not to allow your mind to come up with endless plausible reasons why you can't feel better. Don't let your mind talk you out following advice and doing the things that could help you.

Exactly! Doing things the way you've always done them obviously (well, not always at first ;)) isn't going to make a change in your life--it's a part of what brought you into that office in the first place. The question that was always asked when there was resistance was "What do you have to give up in order to be better?" That could be no longer thinking of yourself as who you've always been or how others have seen/expected of you and that can be a very scary prospect.
 

HollyGolightly

Well-Known Member
Sep 6, 2013
9,660
74,320
54
Heart of the South
Exactly! Doing things the way you've always done them obviously (well, not always at first ;)) isn't going to make a change in your life--it's a part of what brought you into that office in the first place. The question that was always asked when there was resistance was "What do you have to give up in order to be better?" That could be no longer thinking of yourself as who you've always been or how others have seen/expected of you and that can be a very scary prospect.
I saw a psychologist for a couple of years when I was a teenager. Have you ever read Catcher In The Rye? Well, that was me… a female Holden Caulfield. Anyway, it took a lot longer to get the benefit of the therapist's wisdom because I was so stubborn. Being intellectually moody, sarcastic, and depressed had become my way of life and, in some weird way, I felt comfortable in it, even though I was completely miserable. :umm: I had a bunch of well-articulated "logical" reasons for why none of the therapist's "simple" suggestions could ever work in my particular case. However, once I broke down and started to follow his advice, it all began to get better. (I actually only began following his advice to prove to him how wrong he was. :facepalm:) The joke was on me, though. After about six months I had worked out my issues and no longer had need of his services. My advice, if you are anything like I was, is not to allow your mind to come up with endless plausible reasons why you can't feel better. Don't let your mind talk you out following advice and doing the things that could help you.

Very crafty - you girls - I totally get both points! I'm just a wimp - I can't even confuse my dog.

Words from some wise women (((nn))))
 

Bryan James

Well-Known Member
Apr 3, 2009
5,150
7,644
South Cackalacky
I have met very few $UPER DUPER "professionals" in any of the elite fields (of which I am/was a member). That does not mean that they don't exist.

Interview THEM before they get to crank your brain. They want the client/patient for endless followups. You are THEIR boss, they are just the mechanic to assist in fixing your issues.

Good luck. I went to a therapist once who felt that she needed to talk more than I did...and I believe it was because my "degree" was higher than what she had achieved. Also, my mom got screwed up in neck surgery by a Rhodes Scholar, but he was smart...not enough buttfummery to even consider a Med-Mal case.

Be careful. It is about YOU.
 

The Nameless

M-O-O-N - That spells Nameless
Jul 10, 2011
2,080
8,261
42
The Darkside of the Moon (England really)
hope you get better very soon not nadine, whatever the issue is, the thing a therapist should have is a sympathetic ear, and depending on your reason for visiting him/her, should promote cognitive behaviour therapy, and gradual exposure to the problem. Not knowing the nature of your illness, I can't be specific unfortunately (and naturally, I would never ask anyone to divulge such sensitive information).

Good luck.