After 36 years (give or take) of writing stories, I find myself hungry—not for food, but for power. I’ve decided to build a virtual empire, but I need your help. Please pitch in and help me feed my insatiable appetite for grandiosity.

How do you do it? By sending pictures to the website, which you must caption yourself. We will want any and all junk/antique shops called Needful Things in my empire, of course, but I’m also hoping for at least one Steve’s Used Cars or a King Motors. What a shame [Dark] Tower Records is no longer with us, but somewhere in this great world of ours, there must be a Deschain Bakery or a Stephen’s Record Shop. And you people out west, hurry to the nearest branch of my wonderful grocery-store chain and snap a photo. (That would be King Sooper’s.)

Please remember, the caption is what makes a good photo; it’s like chocolate sauce on an ice cream sundae, long teeth on a vampire, or a black lace bra on Lady Gaga. It can be funny or gross. It can be a little vulgar, but not downright dirty; this is, after all, a place where nice people meet. More important, it’s part of my empire, and should stay relatively clean. I have to represent, after all.

Someone out there must live in a town called Stephensville (never Stevensville, that’s some other guy), or possibly King Corners. Someone must have an old King Cole bag they can photograph—I always wanted to own a potato chip company. I am hoping that at least one British fan will provide a picture of my really excellent railway station, King’s Cross. How I love to visit my loyal subjects there as they set off on their journeys!

Okay, guys and guy-ettes, you have your assignment: TAKE PICTURES AND GROW MY EMPIRE! As always, Ms. Mod will be the final arbiter of good taste and appropriateness. Will prizes be awarded? Oh, I might give away ten or twelve signed books if anyone really blows my mind (Ms. Mod’s mind was blown years ago so she’ll be no help in that regard), but I know you’ll want to do this just because…well…BECAUSE MY EMPIRE NEEDS TO GROW!

Thank you for taking care of this matter ASAP.

- Steve

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