Great wisdom and truth can be found by watching network news.
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I don't trust Derek's, fictional ones at leastNever trust a guy named Butch or a woman named Deidre.
If at first you don't succeed ….. screw it.
I am a fan of combining sayings to make them seem more absurd the more you think about them. My two personal favorites when referring to intellect, or lack thereof are:
Not the brightest brick in the load.
Not the sharpest bowling ball in the alley.