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Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
Boys and girls, spring is here and that means we all start showing a little more skin. I would like to take a minute of your time to focus on....


your FEET.

Yes. You heard me. Feet. Those hideous things you've been hiding in shoes all winter long.

Every single one of you, take care of your feet or I'm going to ralph on them.

This means:

Scrub them down. Take an Amope, pumice stone, cheese grater -- whatever, and get rid of those callouses and hard crusty yellow ridges with those flakey looking cracked dirty crevasses (yes, crevasses).

Slather them up with a really good lotion, moisturizing, healing. Wearing socks for at least an hour after application will help calm down the crazy-train terrain on your feet. It would be ideal to slather on goop and then sleep in socks, but if your feet get hot, just do it for an hour or so every day until there isn't a crack to be seen.

Do NOT rip your toenails off. trim them and then file them. Clean out from under them. I don't want to be able to take a soil sample from under the toenails. Unless of course you are murdered and just happened to scratch your assailant with your claw-like tootsies. Then we will take samples of DNA from under your toenails and we will catch the person who committed Muuuuuuurder.

If you have hairy knuckles, toe knuckles, get rid of it. It is ugly. On men and women.

And if you don't want to do any of this you heathen devil spawn, don't make society look at your cloven hooves.

Take care of your feet, and they will take care of you. Thank you for your time.
 
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Doc Creed

Well-Known Member
Nov 18, 2015
17,221
82,822
47
United States
Boys and girls, spring is here and that means we all start showing a little more skin. I would like to take a minute of your time to focus on....


your FEET.

Yes. You heard me. Feet. Those hideous things you've been hiding in shoes all winter long.

Every single one of you, take care of your feet or I'm going to ralph on them.

This means:

Scrub them down. Take an Amope, pumice stone, cheese grater -- whatever, and get rid of those callouses and hard crusty yellow ridges with those flakey looking cracked dirty crevasses (yes, crevasses).

Slather them up with a really good lotion, moisturizing, healing. Wearing socks for at least an hour will help this, better to sleep in socks, but if your feet get hot, just do it for an hour or so every day until there isn't a crack to be seen.

Do NOT rip your toenails off. trim them and then file them. Clean out from under them. I don't want to be able to take a soil sample from under the toenails.

If you have hairy knuckles, toe knuckles, get rid of it. It is ugly. On men and women.

And if you don't want to do any of this you heathen devil spawn, don't make society look at your cloven hooves.

Thank you for your time.
:O_O::disillusionment::rofl::rofl::encouragement:
 

skimom2

Just moseyin' through...
Oct 9, 2013
15,683
92,168
USA
Would you ever hate my summer feet! They start as Fred Flintstone feet (sturdy feet of good peasant stock, I call them), anyway, but then...I NEVER WEAR SHOES!! *GASP* My heels get hard as horn. Sometimes my mother takes a Dremel to them and literally sands the calluses off the heels and the bottoms of my big toes. I do have pretty red or coral nails, though :D
 

Blake

Deleted User
Feb 18, 2013
4,191
17,479
Boys and girls, spring is here and that means we all start showing a little more skin. I would like to take a minute of your time to focus on....


your FEET.

Yes. You heard me. Feet. Those hideous things you've been hiding in shoes all winter long.

Every single one of you, take care of your feet or I'm going to ralph on them.

This means:

Scrub them down. Take an Amope, pumice stone, cheese grater -- whatever, and get rid of those callouses and hard crusty yellow ridges with those flakey looking cracked dirty crevasses (yes, crevasses).

Slather them up with a really good lotion, moisturizing, healing. Wearing socks for at least an hour after application will help calm down the crazy-train terrain on your feet. It would be ideal to slather on goop and then sleep in socks, but if your feet get hot, just do it for an hour or so every day until there isn't a crack to be seen.

Do NOT rip your toenails off. trim them and then file them. Clean out from under them. I don't want to be able to take a soil sample from under the toenails. Unless of course you are murdered and just happened to scratch your assailant with your claw-like tootsies. Then we will take samples of DNA from under your toenails and we will catch the person who committed Muuuuuuurder.

If you have hairy knuckles, toe knuckles, get rid of it. It is ugly. On men and women.

And if you don't want to do any of this you heathen devil spawn, don't make society look at your cloven hooves.

Take care of your feet, and they will take care of you. Thank you for your time.
I don't get what your'e talking about.
 
Mar 12, 2010
6,538
29,004
Texas
Boys and girls, spring is here and that means we all start showing a little more skin. I would like to take a minute of your time to focus on....


your FEET.

Yes. You heard me. Feet. Those hideous things you've been hiding in shoes all winter long.

Every single one of you, take care of your feet or I'm going to ralph on them.

This means:

Scrub them down. Take an Amope, pumice stone, cheese grater -- whatever, and get rid of those callouses and hard crusty yellow ridges with those flakey looking cracked dirty crevasses (yes, crevasses).

Slather them up with a really good lotion, moisturizing, healing. Wearing socks for at least an hour after application will help calm down the crazy-train terrain on your feet. It would be ideal to slather on goop and then sleep in socks, but if your feet get hot, just do it for an hour or so every day until there isn't a crack to be seen.

Do NOT rip your toenails off. trim them and then file them. Clean out from under them. I don't want to be able to take a soil sample from under the toenails. Unless of course you are murdered and just happened to scratch your assailant with your claw-like tootsies. Then we will take samples of DNA from under your toenails and we will catch the person who committed Muuuuuuurder.

If you have hairy knuckles, toe knuckles, get rid of it. It is ugly. On men and women.

And if you don't want to do any of this you heathen devil spawn, don't make society look at your cloven hooves.

Take care of your feet, and they will take care of you. Thank you for your time.

I loved the sound clip :) It was like I was listening to one of those old radio mystery stories :)

and... don't forget to put white vinegar in the rinse cycle when y'all are washing your socks. It kills fungus and other germs.
 

carrie's younger brother

Well-Known Member
Mar 8, 2012
5,428
25,651
NJ
I got hooves no Amope would ever help. Sorry, but they are what they are. I don't flaunt them, though. And while we are on the subject, I don't care how well groomed anyone's feet are; I don't want to see them! Especially in restaurants! To all those women who think they have "pretty feet" (there is no such thing) and dress them up with toe rings and painted nails and then wear barely anything on your feet but a sole and a strap to hold them on... Ugh. :barf:
 

TheRedQueen

And Crazy Housewife
Dec 3, 2014
1,346
8,164
36
Fernley, NV.
Would you ever hate my summer feet! They start as Fred Flintstone feet (sturdy feet of good peasant stock, I call them), anyway, but then...I NEVER WEAR SHOES!! *GASP* My heels get hard as horn. Sometimes my mother takes a Dremel to them and literally sands the calluses off the heels and the bottoms of my big toes. I do have pretty red or coral nails, though :D


:laugh:


As a teen, I had real issues with my feet. Especially my heels. They would get dry, really dry, and then these cracks would show up. The callous was so thick and the cracks so deep, you could slip a dime into them before hitting raw flesh. And then the cracks would start to peel in big, scaley pieces.
And what was my solution? Well, I had this Buck knife...it was really supersharp...and I'd give myself pedicures with it. To this day, I don't know how my mother managed to keep from swatting me crosseyed. I had such a gift for grossing her out. :biggrin2:
 

carrie's younger brother

Well-Known Member
Mar 8, 2012
5,428
25,651
NJ
:laugh:


As a teen, I had real issues with my feet. Especially my heels. They would get dry, really dry, and then these cracks would show up. The callous was so thick and the cracks so deep, you could slip a dime into them before hitting raw flesh. And then the cracks would start to peel in big, scaley pieces.
And what was my solution? Well, I had this Buck knife...it was really supersharp...and I'd give myself pedicures with it. To this day, I don't know how my mother managed to keep from swatting me crosseyed. I had such a gift for grossing her out. :biggrin2:
As tempted as I am to read your spoiler, I just can't!!!
 

DiO'Bolic

Not completely obtuse
Nov 14, 2013
22,864
129,998
Poconos, PA
th
 

80sFan

Just one more chapter...
Jul 14, 2015
2,997
16,167
Pennsylvania
I hate the look of feet (unless they're baby feet, so cute)
Mine aren't bad (except for my longass finger toes) but I do not wear flip flops except to go from the house to the pool. That is it. I don't care what designer made your flip flops or how much they cost, they look cheap.
Flip flops are for the beach, the pool and public showers. And they are especially NOT acceptable where food is served. Rant over.
 
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Dana Jean

Dirty Pirate Hooker, The Return
Moderator
Apr 11, 2006
53,634
236,697
The High Seas
Would you ever hate my summer feet! They start as Fred Flintstone feet (sturdy feet of good peasant stock, I call them), anyway, but then...I NEVER WEAR SHOES!! *GASP* My heels get hard as horn. Sometimes my mother takes a Dremel to them and literally sands the calluses off the heels and the bottoms of my big toes. I do have pretty red or coral nails, though :D
As long as it is clean horn, that's better than nothing. And the red or coral shifts focus!