Well, I'm going to have to do it. This is tough decision I had to make, but sometimes we just have to do these things, right?
That's why I am offering to you guys first the amazing chance to own a unique item.
One, never-used, slightly damaged 22 year old male child/man.
He will make sure to wake you up at 4:00 in the morning to let you know there is a power outage. What's 3 1/2 hours of laying there unconscious before you really need to get up? Better to get a jump on that power outage so you know it's happening and can sit in the dark and discuss why it happened, did it happen to the whole neighborhood, when will someone fix it and what you personally plan on doing about it.
He will let you know at 5:32 after the power comes back on that a light bulb is out.
He will always make sure the house smells like a locker room.
He will never, ever bother you with those pesky dishes piling up in his room. Oh, and don't worry about silverware. He will just throw that away in the trash.
Laundry? Fuhgeddaboudit! You won't have any because all the wet towels in the free world will lay on his bedroom floor, carpeted, producing a beautiful mold foliage.
Food items that expire in 10 days will be rushed to this date by being left out on the counter over night.
He will sleep all day and text you asking you to stop and get him something to eat and drink on your way home from your full day at work.
He will go to college for a couple hours, 3 days a week, and come home and skulk about the house at night on little cat's feet (if those feet weigh 300 pounds each).
He will frequently see about your health at 2 or 3 in the morning. Be assured that you will not drop dead without him knowing. (As long as it is between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m.)
A toilet is just a suggestion.
He will tell you he loves you.
This item will not last long. Be the first on your block to own my son. Only serious buyers need apply.
That's why I am offering to you guys first the amazing chance to own a unique item.
One, never-used, slightly damaged 22 year old male child/man.
He will make sure to wake you up at 4:00 in the morning to let you know there is a power outage. What's 3 1/2 hours of laying there unconscious before you really need to get up? Better to get a jump on that power outage so you know it's happening and can sit in the dark and discuss why it happened, did it happen to the whole neighborhood, when will someone fix it and what you personally plan on doing about it.
He will let you know at 5:32 after the power comes back on that a light bulb is out.
He will always make sure the house smells like a locker room.
He will never, ever bother you with those pesky dishes piling up in his room. Oh, and don't worry about silverware. He will just throw that away in the trash.
Laundry? Fuhgeddaboudit! You won't have any because all the wet towels in the free world will lay on his bedroom floor, carpeted, producing a beautiful mold foliage.
Food items that expire in 10 days will be rushed to this date by being left out on the counter over night.
He will sleep all day and text you asking you to stop and get him something to eat and drink on your way home from your full day at work.
He will go to college for a couple hours, 3 days a week, and come home and skulk about the house at night on little cat's feet (if those feet weigh 300 pounds each).
He will frequently see about your health at 2 or 3 in the morning. Be assured that you will not drop dead without him knowing. (As long as it is between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m.)
A toilet is just a suggestion.
He will tell you he loves you.
This item will not last long. Be the first on your block to own my son. Only serious buyers need apply.
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Pucker is right, it isn't unique. Maybe that will help some.
Deep breaths helped me. 
