How do you know if you’re doing right by your kids? Will the decisions you make for them ultimately help or hurt them in the future?
Yesterday evening my daughter, who will be starting her sophomore year of college in two weeks, and I had a long talk. She is exceptionally bright and talented but has always been a square peg trying to fit into the round hole of life.
She suffers from a minor disability. Certain noises like chewing, sniffling, heavy breathing or snoring, and such, enrages her. She has gone through professional therapy to help her deal with her challenges. Through the college’s disability department she is provided a dorm room that has a common area, kitchenette and bathroom, but also has separate private bedrooms (Unfortunately the room is $2,000 more per semester than regular dorm rooms). The ability to get a room like this (unique to this college) was one of the top reasons she chose this college over more prestigious others across the nation (including two Ivy League schools) who didn’t have similar accommodations, that recruited and threw six figure scholarships at her. We agreed with her when she chose this college that she probably wouldn’t be able to get though four years in a traditional college housing setting, and because the college was rated high for the two programs she was most interested in... Math and English.
Her doctor informed us that his tests show she is quite gifted and is both right and left brain dominant. I don’t really understand all of it, but supposedly it has something to do with why she excels at both mathematics and creative subjects like art and writing.
Yesterday she received in the mail an invitation to join the most elite organization at her college. Apparently this organization sends the invitation to a handful of sophomores. Those evaluated by the college, the professors, department heads, alumni, and the organization’s committee on students determined to be the ones that have the most potential to make a real difference in the world. Supposedly belonging to this organization almost guarantees one’s success after college through their influence, contacts, alumni and connections. Could a parent be any more proud?
She originally wanted to go to college to become a teacher. She wanted to major in English and minor in art. I convinced her (she says forced) to go for a degree in education, majoring in mathematics and to minor in English, and to take art classes as her free electives. Throughout her high school years her gifted teachers told me if this kid doesn’t peruse a degree in mathematics at college she would be wasting a god given talent. I do admit the fact that the scholarships she was offered were best if she majored in math, and it had a lot to do with my guidance. She resented me for almost a year because she felt I forced her into her college program all because of money.
After her first semester she decided she didn’t want to stay in the education program because if she was going to teach it would be at the post-graduate level and she didn’t need to be in the teaching program to achieve that goal. She changed her major to Math with a minor in biology.
Last night she told me she is very grateful I forced her into majoring in math. She says she really enjoys the challenges of the college math program and her future after college is bright. I was happy to hear that but also saddened because I see her passion for writing and art disappearing. When she was younger she created (for her age) some outstanding short stories, poetry and art. But she never felt they were good enough and threw everything away. She even was published after a teacher sent a class poetry project (without her knowledge) into an organization that puts out a yearly publication of the best high school student poetry across the nation. I used to rummage through her trash can on garbage night and pull out her works. I have a drawer in a file cabinet filled with them, that she doesn’t know about. One day she caught me going threw her trash and said it was an invasion of her privacy and had me promise never to do it again.
I try and convince her to join writing, poetry and art clubs at college to keep the passion alive, but she isn’t that interested in it anymore. I also wanted her to try and go after scholarships for writing that would put some requirements on her, in order to keep her passion for that arts alive, but she didn’t want to. I now wonder if I’m to blame for maligning her creative abilities.
And how I seem to breed a bunch of bleeding heart liberals is beyond me.
She informed me she was contacted over the summer from the director of housing (she is friends with his daughter, and whom is a fellow student), and was asked if she would be so kind as to agreeing to room with a student he was unable to find a roommate for. A transgender (biological female), who would be a freshmen this year. The college, parents, and therapists of the student all felt the student needed to have a roommate that would be positive, supportive, understanding, and would help with the unique challenges faced through the freshmen year being away from the comfort level of home. My daughter agreed to room with the student, but was afraid of how we felt about the situation. We were supportive of her decision and said it is not the makeup of a person, but the character of a person that really matters. That we are all unique people and my daughter could probably be a good roommate because she knows what it is like being a square peg in a round hole. Also, my daughter did belong to a diversity club the first semester of her freshmen year that had a focus that semester on transgenders. One thing I did require of my daughter, though, is if she has a problem with the roommate because of my daughter’s medical condition, that she would need to request another roommate... just as she would any other roommate. That she was not to be afraid that others might label her biased or a hater because she didn’t want to room with a transgender. That her own college experience was to take priority over anyone else’s experience. She agreed (hmmm... we’ll see).
And now, because of a clerical error just discovered yesterday, she was not provided her student loan for the costs not provided through her scholarships. It will take weeks to sort the problems out. And I have to come up with an additional $5,000 within a week that I was not prepared for. I got an old Jeep the other week for the two youngest daughters to share for their summer jobs and we were hit with a lot of medical bills over the summer that used up all the discretionary funds. I had taken on a second job to help pay for colleges, but am in-between seasons with the second job and it won’t be for another couple of weeks until I go back. Seems I’ll have to rob Peter (with penalties) in order the pay Paul. Oh well, no one ever said life would be easy. And somehow I will get it done.
Thanks for listening... Father’s random rant over.
Yesterday evening my daughter, who will be starting her sophomore year of college in two weeks, and I had a long talk. She is exceptionally bright and talented but has always been a square peg trying to fit into the round hole of life.
She suffers from a minor disability. Certain noises like chewing, sniffling, heavy breathing or snoring, and such, enrages her. She has gone through professional therapy to help her deal with her challenges. Through the college’s disability department she is provided a dorm room that has a common area, kitchenette and bathroom, but also has separate private bedrooms (Unfortunately the room is $2,000 more per semester than regular dorm rooms). The ability to get a room like this (unique to this college) was one of the top reasons she chose this college over more prestigious others across the nation (including two Ivy League schools) who didn’t have similar accommodations, that recruited and threw six figure scholarships at her. We agreed with her when she chose this college that she probably wouldn’t be able to get though four years in a traditional college housing setting, and because the college was rated high for the two programs she was most interested in... Math and English.
Her doctor informed us that his tests show she is quite gifted and is both right and left brain dominant. I don’t really understand all of it, but supposedly it has something to do with why she excels at both mathematics and creative subjects like art and writing.
Yesterday she received in the mail an invitation to join the most elite organization at her college. Apparently this organization sends the invitation to a handful of sophomores. Those evaluated by the college, the professors, department heads, alumni, and the organization’s committee on students determined to be the ones that have the most potential to make a real difference in the world. Supposedly belonging to this organization almost guarantees one’s success after college through their influence, contacts, alumni and connections. Could a parent be any more proud?
She originally wanted to go to college to become a teacher. She wanted to major in English and minor in art. I convinced her (she says forced) to go for a degree in education, majoring in mathematics and to minor in English, and to take art classes as her free electives. Throughout her high school years her gifted teachers told me if this kid doesn’t peruse a degree in mathematics at college she would be wasting a god given talent. I do admit the fact that the scholarships she was offered were best if she majored in math, and it had a lot to do with my guidance. She resented me for almost a year because she felt I forced her into her college program all because of money.
After her first semester she decided she didn’t want to stay in the education program because if she was going to teach it would be at the post-graduate level and she didn’t need to be in the teaching program to achieve that goal. She changed her major to Math with a minor in biology.
Last night she told me she is very grateful I forced her into majoring in math. She says she really enjoys the challenges of the college math program and her future after college is bright. I was happy to hear that but also saddened because I see her passion for writing and art disappearing. When she was younger she created (for her age) some outstanding short stories, poetry and art. But she never felt they were good enough and threw everything away. She even was published after a teacher sent a class poetry project (without her knowledge) into an organization that puts out a yearly publication of the best high school student poetry across the nation. I used to rummage through her trash can on garbage night and pull out her works. I have a drawer in a file cabinet filled with them, that she doesn’t know about. One day she caught me going threw her trash and said it was an invasion of her privacy and had me promise never to do it again.
I try and convince her to join writing, poetry and art clubs at college to keep the passion alive, but she isn’t that interested in it anymore. I also wanted her to try and go after scholarships for writing that would put some requirements on her, in order to keep her passion for that arts alive, but she didn’t want to. I now wonder if I’m to blame for maligning her creative abilities.
And how I seem to breed a bunch of bleeding heart liberals is beyond me.
She informed me she was contacted over the summer from the director of housing (she is friends with his daughter, and whom is a fellow student), and was asked if she would be so kind as to agreeing to room with a student he was unable to find a roommate for. A transgender (biological female), who would be a freshmen this year. The college, parents, and therapists of the student all felt the student needed to have a roommate that would be positive, supportive, understanding, and would help with the unique challenges faced through the freshmen year being away from the comfort level of home. My daughter agreed to room with the student, but was afraid of how we felt about the situation. We were supportive of her decision and said it is not the makeup of a person, but the character of a person that really matters. That we are all unique people and my daughter could probably be a good roommate because she knows what it is like being a square peg in a round hole. Also, my daughter did belong to a diversity club the first semester of her freshmen year that had a focus that semester on transgenders. One thing I did require of my daughter, though, is if she has a problem with the roommate because of my daughter’s medical condition, that she would need to request another roommate... just as she would any other roommate. That she was not to be afraid that others might label her biased or a hater because she didn’t want to room with a transgender. That her own college experience was to take priority over anyone else’s experience. She agreed (hmmm... we’ll see).And now, because of a clerical error just discovered yesterday, she was not provided her student loan for the costs not provided through her scholarships. It will take weeks to sort the problems out. And I have to come up with an additional $5,000 within a week that I was not prepared for. I got an old Jeep the other week for the two youngest daughters to share for their summer jobs and we were hit with a lot of medical bills over the summer that used up all the discretionary funds. I had taken on a second job to help pay for colleges, but am in-between seasons with the second job and it won’t be for another couple of weeks until I go back. Seems I’ll have to rob Peter (with penalties) in order the pay Paul. Oh well, no one ever said life would be easy. And somehow I will get it done.
Thanks for listening... Father’s random rant over.
My there be much success for the charity.