The Wife, The Mistress, The Man. Choose.

Sigmund said:

Hey!

When a man has an affair and the wife and the mistress find out about each other...who chooses? What's the choice? Is there a choice?

Thoughts, please.

Thank you and have a good night.

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I've been watching The Sopranos and a lot of the wives knew and tolerated the mistresses. I, personally, think the wife and mistress should work together - fit the bastid with cement shoes, and let the fish work it out!!

As someone who has been down this road before, I let the man go. If he is going to cheat on me, he will cheat on her also eventually, and that did happen. I was just glad to be out of that situation. This was Karen's dad.

There's not a one size fits all. Anyone is capable of anything at a given time, and that extends to acts of kindness and violence and patience and betrayal, among others.

I understand that this question is male-actor-oriented, but if I found out Grandma was gettin' some on the side, I'd first wonder where the problem is between us, because one thing I've learned from watching people is that it's not necessarily about sex, not necessarily about fidelity. Both men and women. People have holes in their psyches to fill, and they're drawn to fill them in different ways.

I've given up on jealousy and possessiveness. They're bad feelings that don't do me any good, and I don't want to have them anymore. No, I'm not saying that it makes it right to step outside of a relationship. I'm just saying that that boundary is a movable line from one person to another, for reasons that run a psychological spectrum.

I know, I know, sex is a Big Deal. Sometimes I wonder if it should be. We can draw lines - if you loved me, you'd look for a better job, you'd have sex with me more, you'd clean the house, you'd run my errands, you'd let me loose for a weekend, you'd let me see my friends, you'd suppress sexual desire for others. Lots of lines there, but sex is the big, solid one for most.

People are complicated. The relationships they form are equally as complicated, if not more so. Humans are not naturally monogamous, and I say that after some 40-plus years of watching human interactions. If someone wants to protest that, yes, they are, I believe them even while keeping the second sentence of this post in mind. I'm not saying infidelity is right. I'm saying I've resolved to not be surprised anymore.

Why does it have to be the man who cheats?
Does it make any difference if it's the woman who gets caught?

Sundrop said:

Why does it have to be the man who cheats?
Does it make any difference if it's the woman who gets caught?

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You're right - if it's the woman who strays, would you want to know why? Do you think her husband should give her a second chance?

It's a very complicated question and I agree with a lot of what Grandpa says above.

Some spouses apparently dislike sex, or could live without it. What happens if they marry someone who feels they need it in order to function properly?

Or - is it true that the whole "forbidden fruit" thing makes it all more interesting for those who give in to temptation?

Sorry - I don't have any straight answers. I just know I would feel very sad for the woman if she finds out her hubby has been getting some on the side.

The wife should choose to kick his lame butt to the curb!

kingricefan said:

The wife should choose to kick his lame butt to the curb!

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So - it's all black and white - no grey where you stand!

Neesy said:

So - it's all black and white - no grey where you stand!

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Once a cheater, always a cheater.

kingricefan said:

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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Do you think it might be partially genetic?

Why can't the guy have his Kate and Edith, too?

j/k

Neesy said:

Do you think it might be partially genetic?

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I don't know about that.

kingricefan said:

I don't know about that.

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Well, I was just reading an article and apparently infidelity lurks in your jeans genes

Oh my, cheaters, I despise it, its not tolerable ever and should never be, no one should have to endure being deceived and picked or chosen over that way or allow someone else to.


I agree with Kingricefan to kick them to the curb, male or female, both kick the cheater out, and I loved Carrie Underwood's Stephen King style take on the whole mess of it. If only in your mind.

....the ability and capacity to cheat lurks in every person's soul....the difference is whether or not a compulsion is acted upon and this crosses gender lines.....if I have to simplify it, then my opinion would be that the one who was wronged-makes the choice....

DiO'Bolic said:

Why can't the guy have his Kate and Edith, too?

j/k

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.....Dude........ ..........

Sundrop said:

Why does it have to be the man who cheats?
Does it make any difference if it's the woman who gets caught?

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The following was taken from "Maxim" so take it with a grain of salt:

“I can’t stop cheating. I love it. It is so exciting and makes me feel alive.” Can’t stop, won’t stop!


And lastly, this user who basically put into words the reason why most women cheat: “I constantly cheat on my husband. It’s not that I don’t love him. I just love sex and he doesn’t give it to me like I want.” Wow.

Considering sex is the backbone of essentially all marriages, it kinda sorta almost makes sense that she's cheating on her husband who doesn't fulfill her sexual needs. But still, it's not nice to cheat. Not nice at all. I'm sure talking about it would have helped the situation.

Well, the more you know!

People seem to have a hard time making decisions and sticking with them. But a relationship needs to be fed, fuel to the fire. Its a choice to preserve the ashes, but why? Its a choice also to relight the fire with fresh kindling. Chase the shadows away, be they despair, stagnation, discontent, cheating, whatever the encroaching darkness is. Its always up to the couple to enliven and maintain the commitment they have to one another. Marriage, now, is a whole other level of that, going into finances, children, the place to live, the home to live in and so on. There's a pie, imagine, and it has a number of slices. One of the smaller ones is sex, but its a very important and indispensable one. Its all one vital whole and leaving out any part will collapse the whole thing and knock it on the floor.