Okay there's little chance that any of us will have a "My Dinner With Andre" conversation with Mr. King and since he has already explored the "kidnap the famous writer" scenario in Misery that's out so the only way we can really experience his Kingness when we all pass on to the OTHER WORLD and have that long conversation that we've been dreaming of. (yes I'm aware I ended that sentence with a preposition).My fantasy kinda goes like this:
I meet with the big G or His or Her appointed person who is charged with showing me the after-life ropes. He or She (let's call her Opal) asks me if I have any questions ....and I have a few.
1. Is there a library? Oh yes! says Opal All the books that ever were or even thought of. Doesn't matter what language, you can read them all--and there are no return dates! And if you want to have a "My Dinner With Andre" conversation with the writer of a particular work that can be arranged. (you know who I had in mind of course).
2 My second question is --at this point Opal interrupts me and says, "I know you want to know the source of all truth as lived through the lives of all the prophets and messengers in time and what they purpose was coming" I shake my head in amazement!
"Wow how could you get that sooo wrong!" I say, "I want to know what happened to my keys in 1982? I know laid them on the kitchen counter because I had to go pee right before I went to work and when I came back they were gone!"
Opal blinks a celestial deer in the headlights blink. Also quite surprised that she got that wrong and says, "Uh, boy, I didn't see that one coming. Most folks want to know the meaning of life not where are their keys from 1982."
Opal kinda sighs at the banality of of the current line of questioning and seeks to redirect--"You want to meet anyone famous? Lincoln, Jesus, the guy who played Petrocelli?" "STEPHEN KING!" I yell and it echoes and reverberates like an earthquake in the Grand Canyon.
Opal shakes her head again and mumbles as she is leading me to the "conversation palace", "Stephen King, they all want to talk to Stephen King!" I am beside myself with giddiness. Finally after all these years, I can sit down with Stephen King and watch him eat romaine lettuce with artichoke hearts and be able to talk about books and writing and not be tackled by security! The conversation place was filled with natural light---there was no ceiling to the palace and green grass grew out of the floor--huge trees sprang up everywhere wrapped in every orchid you can imagine. And animals wander around the crystal tables--not begging for food or pooping just looking quizzically at the people engaging in intense conversation.
Finally I am let to the Stephen King table but he isn't there! Just this other guy short, portly and balding who is fishing the food out of the sides of his teeth because he thinks no one is looking. Opal leaves me there and I sit and wait. Bald guy looks at me and smiles. I smile back and look around thinking Mr. King would be coming any second and wondering why this goober is here. "I wonder when he's going to come?" I said.
"Who's coming?" bald goober asks.
"Stephen King."I say kinda rolling my eyes.
"I'm Stephen King." He says smiling.
"The writer?" I ask
"No, salt and pepper shaker collector from North Platt, Nebraska!" Stephen King says. " I collected 10934 salt and pepper shakers from all over the world--I was kind of a big deal." I nod and smile and look around for Opal while Stephen King starts talking about the shakers he got in Borger, Texas--they were little tumble weeds, he says. Meanwhile there is a huge line forming behind me--either shaker enthusiasts or more misdirected fans directed by Opal who never saw a book jacket apparently.
Please post your afterlife encounter with Mr. King maybe you will have better luck than I did.
I meet with the big G or His or Her appointed person who is charged with showing me the after-life ropes. He or She (let's call her Opal) asks me if I have any questions ....and I have a few.
1. Is there a library? Oh yes! says Opal All the books that ever were or even thought of. Doesn't matter what language, you can read them all--and there are no return dates! And if you want to have a "My Dinner With Andre" conversation with the writer of a particular work that can be arranged. (you know who I had in mind of course).
2 My second question is --at this point Opal interrupts me and says, "I know you want to know the source of all truth as lived through the lives of all the prophets and messengers in time and what they purpose was coming" I shake my head in amazement!
"Wow how could you get that sooo wrong!" I say, "I want to know what happened to my keys in 1982? I know laid them on the kitchen counter because I had to go pee right before I went to work and when I came back they were gone!"
Opal blinks a celestial deer in the headlights blink. Also quite surprised that she got that wrong and says, "Uh, boy, I didn't see that one coming. Most folks want to know the meaning of life not where are their keys from 1982."
Opal kinda sighs at the banality of of the current line of questioning and seeks to redirect--"You want to meet anyone famous? Lincoln, Jesus, the guy who played Petrocelli?" "STEPHEN KING!" I yell and it echoes and reverberates like an earthquake in the Grand Canyon.
Opal shakes her head again and mumbles as she is leading me to the "conversation palace", "Stephen King, they all want to talk to Stephen King!" I am beside myself with giddiness. Finally after all these years, I can sit down with Stephen King and watch him eat romaine lettuce with artichoke hearts and be able to talk about books and writing and not be tackled by security! The conversation place was filled with natural light---there was no ceiling to the palace and green grass grew out of the floor--huge trees sprang up everywhere wrapped in every orchid you can imagine. And animals wander around the crystal tables--not begging for food or pooping just looking quizzically at the people engaging in intense conversation.
Finally I am let to the Stephen King table but he isn't there! Just this other guy short, portly and balding who is fishing the food out of the sides of his teeth because he thinks no one is looking. Opal leaves me there and I sit and wait. Bald guy looks at me and smiles. I smile back and look around thinking Mr. King would be coming any second and wondering why this goober is here. "I wonder when he's going to come?" I said.
"Who's coming?" bald goober asks.
"Stephen King."I say kinda rolling my eyes.
"I'm Stephen King." He says smiling.
"The writer?" I ask
"No, salt and pepper shaker collector from North Platt, Nebraska!" Stephen King says. " I collected 10934 salt and pepper shakers from all over the world--I was kind of a big deal." I nod and smile and look around for Opal while Stephen King starts talking about the shakers he got in Borger, Texas--they were little tumble weeds, he says. Meanwhile there is a huge line forming behind me--either shaker enthusiasts or more misdirected fans directed by Opal who never saw a book jacket apparently.
Please post your afterlife encounter with Mr. King maybe you will have better luck than I did.
