"If you're staying in a house with no toilet paper, it's not the end of the world--you can always slide down the banister."
"The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes."
"Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"When you're arguing with an idiot, try to be sure he's not doing the same thing."
"I'm 73, but I prefer to think of myself as 23 Celsius."
"Anything's possible, except maybe for skiing through a revolving door."
"Bluetooth, huh? It's about the only thing I haven't been treated for in the past 12 months."
"Why is it that if someone tells you there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you have to touch it to be sure?"