Stories

[Senor_Biggles]

With Halloween just around the corner I wanted to share my Christmas story with you (I do have a Halloween story, but it's tied up in an Amazon Prime collection at the moment). Actually, I'm just looking for some feedback on some stuff I've written, but somehow I feel I need to warn potential readers that it's a seasonal tale. Maybe people only want to read Christmas stories at Christmas the same way they only listen to Christmas music at Christmas? I should probably also warn any potential readers that it is chock full of foul language and extremely violent.

It's called Saint Nick Sticks, and if anyone does have the time and the iclination it lives here:

Stories

Thanks for your time.

 

[GNTLGNT]

With Halloween just around the corner I wanted to share my Christmas story with you (I do have a Halloween story, but it's tied up in an Amazon Prime collection at the moment). Actually, I'm just looking for some feedback on some stuff I've written, but somehow I feel I need to warn potential readers that it's a seasonal tale. Maybe people only want to read Christmas stories at Christmas the same way they only listen to Christmas music at Christmas? I should probably also warn any potential readers that it is chock full of foul language and extremely violent.

It's called Saint Nick Sticks, and if anyone does have the time and the iclination it lives here:

Stories

Thanks for your time.

..gracias Senor....

 

[SHEEMIEE]

My 2 cents,

Halfway through st nick sticks biggles - its very americanised - the goons sound like they are straight from the school of dick tracy - is that what you are going for ?

Its pretty much a typical bank heist bad guy routine to me so far , batman dark night? Point break ? Nothing new.

It Reads well enough mate, i skimmed through without any problems. Its just a bit linear for me -A to B to C... Join the dots.

Ill get through the rest later. Thanks for sharing your work.

 

[Senor_Biggles]

My 2 cents,

Halfway through st nick sticks biggles - its very americanised - the goons sound like they are straight from the school of dick tracy - is that what you are going for ?

Its pretty much a typical bank heist bad guy routine to me so far , batman dark night? Point break ? Nothing new.

It Reads well enough mate, i skimmed through without any problems. Its just a bit linear for me -A to B to C... Join the dots.

Ill get through the rest later. Thanks for sharing your work.

Thanks for the feedback Sheemie, much appreciated. Dick Tracy? No, can't say that was exactly what I was going for, I know of Dick Tracy of course but have no familiarity with the character or stories in any form. Point Break? Probably a lot closer to what I was trying to get to. Interestingly I didn't consciously have that movie in mind when I was writing it, but I was definitely trying to get a feel for action films from a similar period.

Not sure exactly where you got to. The first half is very linear, the second maye a little less so? Be interested to hear your thoughts on that if you do complete it.

 

[SHEEMIEE]

Spoiler

Just finished it Senor.

Looks like you had it planned out eh.


Frank doesn't want anyone killed - he made that clear, he doent want a murder on his rap sheet.ganster / bank robber Code of honor ?

Sticks promises not to kill anyone - after pondering a while as if knowing what might happen with a double cross.

So why does Frank kill old sticks without any thought of the murder being on his hands, surely 3 years together in a cell meant something.

Sticks returns in a creepshow 'CAKE!' Shuffle to reek revenge from beyond the grave- but what i dont get is why he kills the other two guys?

Surely sticks making a promise to frank not to kill is a great tag line to keep to the end where he just messes the other two up a bit , say an eye for an eye bit of razor revenge for what Frank done.

But Frank has been a naughty boy ...a very naughty boy - and santa dont make promises for naughty boys - slash slash

Maybe having a clue into why Sticks was in jail in the first place - how about breaking and entering / burglary.

So when he hits the kids house, and leaves the note, he steals his pressie under the tree for the hell of it.

- "sorry kid old habits ! "

St nicks

Read it mate , thanks for sharing your work -i wrote my thoughts in a spoiler bracket so the twist aint revealed

 

[SHEEMIEE]

Ps reindeer hamburgers ...na , Venison steaks mate ...go posh

 

[SHEEMIEE]

Got any more stuff ?

 

[Senor_Biggles]

Hi Sheemie,
I’ve got a few shorts that I bundled into a collection. I enrolled it on Amazon Prime, which in retrospect was a mistake I think. Really I just want some feedback, so I should have just put it on Amazon and not Prime (where you can’t just give it away). The enrolment finishes in December at which time I’ll just make it freely available through Amazon. It will also be available for free for five days at the end of October (Halloween promotion as the title story is set at Halloween). I’ll post a link when the promotion begins.
I’ve also had a story accepted by Tales to Terrify which they will turn into a podcast. I was given a tentative Autumn/Winter date for that, so hopefully ready soon.
Couple of other bits and pieces, one which I’ve entered for a competition, so that’s sort of tied up until the competition closes. Another which is first draft only and needs a thorough rewrite, but that won’t happen any time soon. Working on a novel at the moment, so all writing time goes towards that. Hoping to have the first draft in the can by the end of the year/beginning of next, but it’s turning into a bit of a beast.

 

[SHEEMIEE]

Sounds like you enjoy your writing mate , I like your style.

I'm the same, feedback is essential - I try not to piss folks off - but honesty is the best policy I reckon.

 

[SHEEMIEE]

Unfortunately I tend to step on people's toes for being too harsh . When all I'm doing is telling it how I read it- nothing personal at all.

 

[SHEEMIEE]

Tales to terrify / podcast ??

Does someone read your work ?

Or do you have to put on the thespian hat?

 

[Senor_Biggles]

Ha! No, thankfully they have people for that so no one has to suffer through my dulcet tones. You just send them the story, and if it's accepted they do the rest. I'm curious to see how it turns out. Been sitting with them for a while now but hopefully won't be too much longer.

 

[SHEEMIEE]

I have a chapter that I put to mp3 - haaaaha - funniest thing I've listened to all year . Bestest American accent Eva!