Demeter - Great job! "shook her head like it was fruit-picking day" <<< loved this line. You dialed up the action and we are all waiting on the edge of our seats for the last two chapters! Well done!
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You've all been so very nice and supportive I wanted to thank each and every one of you.
Dana Jean thank you for your guidance. You've run a tight ship and that was good. I can do amazing things when deadlines come knocking. Deadlines imposed by somebody else, that is.
do1you9love? That was a silly line but glad you liked it. I wasn't sure if my humor would fit in with the story but hopefully it did.
Thanks Neese, much appreciated...Flake - somehow or other it seems I overlooked your section of the story - my apologies for not commenting - very good work - thanks again for contributing (this is the first year I have read any of the stories)
Sorry I'm late posting these: Brilliant, sexy writing. Flake, I meant to tell you before about that reference to the book bound in human flesh is an interesting one. There are several historical ties to such a book, even here in the US. I was wondering what inspired you to include it. The level of suspense and action that you packed in to what was, essentially, literary writing made this part especially fun. I love onomatopoeia!
Awesome! I love it!As she drew away from his poisonous hold, a drop of sweat fell from the tip of her young nose and Wesson followed its progress…. down, down,
…all the way,
...down.
Rachael opened her eyes. She was facing her mother, father and the grisly looking stranger in her parents panic room.
“He'll come after us, Mom! If I know where we are, then he will too… and I can’t keep him out!”
Wesson moved in fast, drew back his arm and then hit her hard in the temple. The kid fell like a brick; her dad put out an arm and caught her just before she hit the ground.
...and he didn't ask how much money we made or what it cost...
I don't think I can follow that up adequately, but it doesn't hurt to try! That little slice of sensory heaven was the part that I wanted to to mention.Chapter 13 -- believe it or not, I have a slight case of triskaidekaphobia, but not this time around. This penultimate piece worked so well for me as a reader.
I thought the solution of the cell-phone-signal-boost was ingenious. I was trying to figure out how that element was going to be fleshed out, and I had some ideas in my head, but Kurben's choice was better than any of mine. I loved the almost staccato rhythm of the dialogue -- it denoted intense pace to me, and made me feel like I was in the feverish situation. Indeed, as I read this part, a storm in my area decided to increase its strength, and during a couple particular moments, I actually jumped slightly; it made me feel like someone -- like a zombie -- was going to be staring at me through the window! I was quite spooked, and rainstorms usually don't affect me like that -- unless, that is, I am reading something scary. Apocalypses actually do freak me out, as I always feel sympathy for those who are suffering such chaos (that's why it is sometimes difficult for me to watch The Walking Dead). And of course we had the nod to The Stand in there, with the superflu, which likewise brings back memories of that book (that tome had some surprisingly very scary moments in it; and I hate the flu, absolutely hate it).
I like the theory upon which the group is operating, and I cannot wait to see if it turns out to be the correct one. I won't mention anything specific, but I think one character has a lot riding on her in terms of the final outcome vis a vis Nebiros.
The fascinating thing about this chapter -- and I'm sure others noticed this -- is that there were many great lines. Here's probably my favorite pair:
"The bunker was situated in a beautiful forest glade but at the moment no one saw the beauty. When the world was at its dusk and humans struggled to survive, beauty was shown the door."
This is the kind of rough poetry (rough as in dark, scarred, in the literary sense) that works so well in a setting such as this. And it reminds me of a couple of moments in King's short apocalyptic piece, "Summer Thunder." If Kurben's obligation at this point wasn't to favor plot over observation, then one can only imagine the kind of scarred musings to which we would have been treated. But plot it is, and I loved it. Excellent chapter, Kurben.
(One last thing: I can't resist -- here is another line that impressed me: "I might not be grownup but I know more of Nebiros than any of you." I like the confidence in that.)
Don't know if I'm the only one who caught that, and I wasn't going to mention it. . . . Pinkerton Academy, the only publicly funded, privately operated high school serving Derry and the surrounding four or five towns, in reality. (Class of 94)Yeah, thanks, Mal, I wanted Wesson to have a partner ... back in the old West the Pinkerton Private Detective Agency would supply crews to guard bank gold runs... and today there are often partners in a firm.... That and I just like my recurring golem character...
Au contraire, quite tasty, especially if you chew slowly (I've forgotten, what's that fancy shmancy word for "chew"? Not nibble - probably Greek in origin. Manje, no, machêr, mastiquere-you feel me? In English?)...Mal's entry was delicious!....does that make it malicious????......ok mebbe not......
So, I was looking through the comments and saw the one you replied to by Mary Strickland, and I have a question; what in the Sam Hill are magic pills and do they really arrive via email?I'd always thought that I must have been wagging school the day that muse's were being handed out! (mine has probably been off smoking in the girls toilets all these years, the lazy, skiving b1tch)
Thanks for your comments, Nomik... I'm very happy that you liked it.Sorry I'm late posting these: Brilliant, sexy writing. Flake, I meant to tell you before about that reference to the book bound in human flesh is an interesting one. There are several historical ties to such a book, even here in the US. I was wondering what inspired you to include it.
Nomik , Eb has answered this for me (above)... I had no idea about any of this prior to writing and just Googled the lyrics provided by Ebdim9th in his piece of the story. Because I intended to use the ringing cell phone in my story part, I needed to research a little.The Necronomicon was a book H.P. Lovecraft made up, although with all the sharing of ideas that went on between the two of them, it could have been Robert Bloch .... later on the book made an appearance in the Evil Dead movie trilogy, which then inspired the song "Dead By Dawn" by Deicide ... which became the ringtone on the cellphone in my part of this story ....
The level of suspense and action that you packed in to what was, essentially, literary writing made this part especially fun. I love onomatopoeia!
Awesome! I love it!As she drew away from his poisonous hold, a drop of sweat fell from the tip of her young nose and Wesson followed its progress…. down, down,
…all the way,
...down.
Rachael opened her eyes. She was facing her mother, father and the grisly looking stranger in her parents panic room.
“He'll come after us, Mom! If I know where we are, then he will too… and I can’t keep him out!”
Wesson moved in fast, drew back his arm and then hit her hard in the temple. The kid fell like a brick; her dad put out an arm and caught her just before she hit the ground.