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Maybe I'll take up drinking and be dead of alcohol poisoning by the time I'm thirty.
Connor! No! You are a valuable important person. Call someone. You need to talk and vent and rant and rave and be angry -- but not at yourself. Call a local hotline, please. They will be able to help you. Never let others make you feel so low that you don't think you are worth fighting for. Know you are Connor.Like I said, I don't have what it takes. I never did. Never even had a chance in my life. I should've just been aborted, and no one would have to deal with me. I'm surprised I survived my suicide attempt in senior year of high school. I could've done everyone a huge favor.
I feel terrible today. In fact, I've been feeling terrible all week. I can barely put words on the screen. It's going to suck anyways. Why do I even bother? I might as well give up and get a job at McDonald's. Maybe I'll take up drinking and be dead of alcohol poisoning by the time I'm thirty. I don't have what it takes. Survival of the fittest.
I've read your posts in this thread and it's fairly obvious to me that you're a melancholy temperament, which assures that you're an exert procrastinator due to your unreasonable need to be perfect. Maybe it will make you feel a little better to know that lots of people struggle as you do, many of whom are artists but also many who do all kinds of other things for a living.Like I said, I don't have what it takes. I never did. Never even had a chance in my life. I should've just been aborted, and no one would have to deal with me. I'm surprised I survived my suicide attempt in senior year of high school. I could've done everyone a huge favor.
Yes, I was just going to add to please get some perspective by talking to someone. The SKMB is here but we're also not professionals at listening and knowing how best to respond. Please don't try to solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution.And please call a hotline, trusted friend or family member and just talk
Connor, you will make it out someday.I see that a thread once dedicated to my writing is becoming tainted by my misery. It infects virtually everything I put my mind to, and other people can sense it. With severe depression, you feel trapped under rubble. It's painful. It's one of the most oppressive things you can think of.
Did you know she's now remaking herself as a jazz singer? She came to Bangor back in 2013 to do a performance at one of the universities.I'm also kicking around ideas for a script to write for a certain redheaded actress, the one in my avatar. Oh wait, I mentioned that already. Silly me.
I am aware of her dabbling in jazz. She's actually pretty good. She claimed in an interview a couple of years ago that she wants to direct, but nothing has come of it. I guess she's just barely scraping together the funds to shoot guerilla-style; let's face it, no Hollywood studio, major or minor, is going to let her get behind a camera because of name value. She's going to have to prove herself.Did you know she's now remaking herself as a jazz singer? She came to Bangor back in 2013 to do a performance at one of the universities.
Sounds like you're being a little too hard on yourself. Even Steve has days when the writing doesn't come easily. I can't tell you how many times he's said to me over the years that he was having a hard time or that he wasn't sure it was any good. Keep at it--practice is what will help you become better. You can think of it as a learning experience by seeing what didn't work for you with this project and how you could do it differently the next time.Why am I even bothering writing? I've written only two lousy pages on my typewriter today. I don't have what it takes. I should just give up permanently. I'm a freak. Nothing I do will be of any significance. Guys like me a waste of sperm, a cancerous blight on the gene pool.
I guess blunthead was right. I do have a melancholy temperament. It doesn't just affect my writing. I have difficultly even getting up in the morning. My family always asks me if I'm alright, and I lie to them that I am. I have problems deciding what to do, and 90% of the time, I don't know what to type in my posts here. I feel sluggish, every single day. I can barely bring myself to practice, because I am afraid my efforts, no matter how marginal, won't yield any results.Sounds like you're being a little too hard on yourself. Even Steve has days when the writing doesn't come easily. I can't tell you how many times he's said to me over the years that he was having a hard time or that he wasn't sure it was any good. Keep at it--practice is what will help you become better. You can think of it as a learning experience by seeing what didn't work for you with this project and how you could do it differently the next time.
I like to consider myself more of a "pantser" than a planner. I feel better when my stories naturally come out of me.Connor, sometimes, making an outline of thoughts helps me.
Or, put a different idea/sentence/phrase on individual index cards or sheets of paper and then arrange those cards/papers (thoughts) in an order that begins to resemble the beginnings of a cohesive concept.
Good Luck! Do not give up easily.