Hello, my dear friends...

[Srbo]

Finally a colder day in Canada.
Similar to the weather I experienced back home these days, makes you think of winter and snowflakes.
With the exception that here everything has electricity, everything is lit up, every street, every corner.
Not so over there...no streetlights and also only a few lights from the rare occupied houses, since not too many people have returned to my hometown after the war.
Every time I was walking home down the streets surrounded with ruins, even now, 20 years after the war has ended, the only light I had was from the stars and the moon.
And I promise you, they are the closest and clearest right there, on the mountain Dinara. Just stretch out your hand and you can take a star away from the sky and put it in your pocket, close to your heart...and it will light up your soul...
For my soul is still lit up from the cold, brisk air, the memories of a happy childhood...and the face of my mother and how warm it was when I put my palms on her cheeks...

***************
Hey, folks.
Back in the West.
Just wanted to extend my gratitude one more time to everybody who has made this possible to come through.
I shall write more about this wonderful, yet heavy trip, in the upcoming days, when I somewhat collect myself.
For now, mom, my sisters and my sisters kids say Hi and Thank You to all of you....

 

[PatInTheHat]

!!!

 

[Spideyman]

(((Family--)))

 

[pegasus216]

I'm glad you had a safe trip. Hoping all is well with you.

 

[Moderator]

Look forward to hearing about your trip!

 

[GNTLGNT]

...bless you bro, I await the beauty of your words.....

 

[BeverleyMarsh]

I can't wait to hear about it either. I'm so glad you could make it

 

[kingricefan]

Simply wonderful, SRBO! I am so glad that you got to see your Mom again and the rest of your family.

 

[FlakeNoir]

Fantastic! Looking forward to hearing more...

 

[Srbo]

I`ll try not to bore you too much.
What can I say...it`s not easy writing about it, that`s why I write short stories about this or that what has happened there, and I think by the time I`m done with writing about it all, it could be a novella, at least, if not a whole book. Amazing what can happen in such a short time span, when you try to cram 25 years of your life into a three weeks time period, to somehow make up for everything you have missed...the birth of children, weddings, birth of grandchildren...and yeah, even death, again.
The trip itself was exhausting. From the moment I boarded the plane here in Canada `till the moment I got to my house in Krayina, kneel down and kiss the threshold of it, it was close to 30 hours of traveling. By plane, cars, buses...waiting time for the next trip and so on and man, I felt like a squished lemon by the time I got to sit down in my house. Which is still a ruin, half-way, some parts are fixed, a whole floor actually, but the rest...I believe ghosts of the past freely roam there. Especially the ghost of my Father.
But then, just looking at my mother, my sisters and their kids whom I haven`t seen for such a long time give you a new boost on life. Red Bull and their "wings" have got nothing on that feeling when you see your loved ones again.
Mom is unfortunately very sick, she has all kinds of problems since she survived a heart-attack last year, I don`t wanna go into specifics right now, but just know that she is ill and that the doctors have done everything in their power...and she reached a point when, as they say in movies, science goes only that far and then God is stepping in.
But she is still mom, and I`m still her kid, no matter how old I am...she was still giving advice when needed to and still giving me s**t about various things I have done in my life and also things I should have done, but haven`t.
Not much changed there since the time I was 12, hit puberty, thought I was the wisest kid on the planet...and then mom comes along and explains a few things to you, how the world really is and how wrong you are in some of your assumptions.
She is still the most beautiful woman ever, really, nothing, not even illness, could take away from the beauty of her face, the warmth of her hands, the love in her eyes and the respect she still has for life and people, despite all the horrible things that she had to endure and still does, `cause poverty is not a thing to be taken lightly.
My younger sister is a saint. She carries the load of two households on her, her own and mom`s, since they don`t live together, she has her own house, kids and husband to worry about, plus the work on the land.
Cause that`s how they live, off of the land, hard labor, hands full of blisters and sometimes even animal bites. There are no jobs in the City of Ghosts, which my hometown has turned into, at least not for Serbs. The city is now under Croatian leadership, under the leadership of people who have never-ever lived there, save a few here and there and people who`s families have lived there for CENTURIES, have no rights at all.
So, the Serbs work the land, tend to animals if they are lucky to have some and yes, even steal, especially wood which they need for the old wood ovens, since there is no such thing as central heating through the houses and often there is no electricity at all. Running water is also a big problem, more often than not they don`t have it, so they heat it up on the oven in order to take a simple bath.
Folks, we don`t know how good we have it, all our complaints about the big line-up at Mac`s, the taxes, the bills, a boss that doesn`t like you...are really nothing compared to the way they live.
For instance, here is one heartbreaking moment for me, and it comes from a child, from the purest being there is on the planet, cause children are that pure...when I handed my sister`s five year old daughter two Barbie dolls I brought with me, her eyes lit up something unbelievable, she ran into the bedroom, got two very old dolls from there, put them besides the Barbie`s and proudly exclaimed that she now has 4 dolls all in all and that she would like to introduce her old dolls to their new friends.
My daughter has about 30 Barbie`s, give or take and I think about 200 other ones which are not Barbie`s. I can`t even count all the other toys she has.
That moment was one of many that broke my heart.
Despite all this, they are all happy people, much happier than I am. They love more, they understand more, they do NOT complain at all, even though they are aware that the situation is bad, that the government should really help them...but they are in The Forgotten Land, literally nobody cares about them. They are somehow above all that, they fight with all they have to stay alive and can and do produce a sincere smile or laughter, help and love when one needs it.
The city itself is still about 60-70% in ruins, it was an unearthly experience walking the streets in broad daylight and meeting absolutely NOBODY on the streets or at night when your only friends where the sky and the moon, since there are no streetlamps.
A really sad moment for me was when I went to see the ruins of my high-school, I cried long and hard like I rarely cry in my life...except for the tears that flow on the graves of people I have lost in that madness.
I`ve met a couple of my old friends who have chosen to return to the City of the Dead and they still carry enormous wounds on their soul from everything that has happened and is still happening. Yet...you can`t meet friendlier people than they are. And the folks they hang out with, only a few there, like I said, but such warmth, such soul, such understanding, such readiness to share EVERYTHING with you, may it be the shirt off of their back or half of their meal...makes you cry every single time and it makes you also question yourself what kind of a human being you are...
I visited many places which I haven`t in the last 25 years, I cried a lot, I laughed a lot. I talked sometimes too much and sometimes I didn`t talk at all a whole day long.
I was happy. I was sad. I was in Heaven. I was in Hell.
I felt ALIVE, really ALIVE and I wouldn`t trade this experience for nothing.
OK, my friends, that`s the gist of it, when I do write about all this more in Serbian, I shall try to translate it into English, but it may take months and months to tell the story of a 20 day visit...which was made possible by you, so bear with me, it will come, bit by bit...
Thank you again for everything and for making this possible, I don`t think I will be able to ever repay this debt to you.
All my and my families love to you and yours, whatever I wish upon me and mine, I wish triple of that upon you and yours.
Long Days and Pleasant Nights, Gunners, thanks for reading and being there for me.

 

[Lily Sawyer]

((((((Drugaru))))))
Nothing to repay, at least not to me.

 

[Moderator]

Thank you for sharing that (((Srbo))). It was truly moving.

 

[do1you9love?]

((Srbo)) So very glad that you were able to make this trip to see your mother and family. Your words brought tears to my eyes.

 

[Dana Jean]

{{{srbo}}}

 

[pegasus216]

Tears are in my eyes also. Mych love to you, and all your family members who are still living there.

 

[doowopgirl]

An amazing experience. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and pictures.Wonderful to hear from you again.

 

[Srbo]

Thank you, my friends.
Yeah, people wanted to read about it in English, of course, it just took me a while to get started.
But this is not the end, only breaking the ice, as they say, in English.
In Serbian it`s happening for a few days now, and still, I only scratched the tip of the iceberg.
Hard stuff, really hard.
Not easy to mix love into all the curses I had ready to spill on my lips, but never said them.
I thought that somehow, if I curse and damn the Living, the Dead would disapprove. I`m actually sure of it. There is no hatred over there, even though that small city suffered the most....
And if they don`t hate, then...well, I`m gonna write a story or twelve about their Golden Hearts.
And hope you will be there with me ...
I really love you, my dear people, you don`t even know how much...

 

[Jojo87]

(((Srbo))) thank you for sharing.

 

[FlakeNoir]

Thank you (((Srbo,))) such a difficult way of life. I am so pleased you were able to be with family again, I hope you do get to write the stories and that many, many people buy them, it would be wonderful to be able to filter some of that love and support back to your family, through telling their tale.

 

[Spideyman]

(((Srbo))) thank you for sharing your journey back home. Will hold your mom and family to prayers and good thoughts. Keep writing-- the story needs to be told.