Pacing pacing pacing...

[Winter]

So... home from work and school. For the first time in my boys 10 years, he has gone to play football, with some friends from across the road, on his own, up in the village. First time I've ever let him anywhere on his own. They knocked for him (a mate in his class, who lives opposite, with his 2 older brothers), and asked. I kinda hoped he'd say no. But his face lit up, quick change, lots of whispered words from me (be careful, look when crossing road, be careful, be careful, BE CAREFUL). So I'm now destined to spend the next hour pacing the living room.

No mobile. Am I bad, is that too young? Or am I sad, got to cut those strings sometime?!!!

Oh its so nice to be in the same place as someone else on this. My daughter is 11 and just this week she was allowed to bike to and from school alone. Yes, resign yourself to some pacing and then practising looking like you were calm all the time when you are flooded with relief as they walk in the front door! and no, not too young...trust your instincts on that one. If you let him go ...you've picked the right time in my opinion.

 

[Winter]

This is only my opinion, of course, but I have a wad of parent experience under my belt (lol), and a deep love and respect for my military veteran dad who taught me to be aware but not scared. The answer is 'no'.

I totally get what you're saying, and that its your opinion....I'm just not sure I agree. I think it depends on a 100 things, like any stance you might take with your kids, some things work for some people and not for others. Is it possible to be friends....yes...for everyone?...nope. My mother was definitely our friend and we hardly smoke meth any more and I rarely beat my daughter, she managed and when I look back, she did really well. Will I be able to be my daughters friend as she grows older? I hope so but for us, who knows, maybe-maybe not. I dont think its a set yes or no thing...you know?

 

[ghost19]

This is only my opinion, of course, but I have a wad of parent experience under my belt (lol), and a deep love and respect for my military veteran dad who taught me to be aware but not scared. The answer is 'no'. This isn't true forever, but for now your kids need you to be a parent more than a friend. You'll find a way to caution without making your kid fearful, I know that just from the tone of your posts. There are more dangers now, no doubt about it, but we also suffer from too much information. Our parents had the luxury of just being cautious of local events--pre-CNN it had to be a HUGE event to make news across the country, right? Now we're bombarded with 'information' that is more often 'infotainment', stuff that in no way is relevant to our lives and is just there so we can collectively look at other people's proverbial car crashes. It's made us more cautious, but perhaps more fearful than our actual lives warrant. Think if it this way: when was the last time there was a notable crime in your area that did not involve direct family members or friends/acquaintances hurting each other? Okay, so subtract those from the 'fearfulness equation'--unless you have a friend' acquaintance/family member with grudge, those don't affect you. Now look at what's left. THOSE are the things you need to make sure your kids is aware of (as well as a general awareness of his surroundings). Maybe it's drug trade, maybe it's gangs, maybe it's a busy street--I don't know where you live, but you do. Do your best to teach your kid how to handle those situations and himself in general, have reasonable limits and set costs for pushing past those limits, and don't be afraid to make him mad. Believe me, he'll likely spend years 13-17 mad a lot of the time. They get over it. Later, when you are not responsible for him any more (not like you'll EVER get over feeling responsible), you can be friends. At that point, you will have done the best you can to raise a decent human being--one who takes responsibility for his own life and actions, and isn't afraid of living in the world.

You'll do it, Ghost, and he'll thank you. It might take a while, but he will learn how lucky he was to have a dad who cared enough to make him a man.

Now I'll get off my soapbox--lol

Your soapbox has a lot of good info, and I thank you for it.

 

[skimom2]

I totally get what you're saying, and that its your opinion....I'm just not sure I agree. I think it depends on a 100 things, like any stance you might take with your kids, some things work for some people and not for others. Is it possible to be friends....yes...for everyone?...nope. My mother was definitely our friend and we hardly smoke meth any more and I rarely beat my daughter, she managed and when I look back, she did really well. Will I be able to be my daughters friend as she grows older? I hope so but for us, who knows, maybe-maybe not. I dont think its a set yes or no thing...you know?

Valid point--it would have been better to say that being a parent has to come before being a friend. Doesn't mean being a friend isn't possible, but that it can't be first, KWIM? And you're completely right--every situation and every kid is different. No worries--I don't take disagreement as an attack--lol

 

[skimom2]

Your soapbox has a lot of good info, and I thank you for it.

I did forget the BEST piece of safety advice I ever got from my dad: "If the situation feels 'weird' in any way, GTHO. Trust your gut." That one has served me well so many times that I've lost count.

 

[ghost19]

I did forget the BEST piece of safety advice I ever got from my dad: "If the situation feels 'weird' in any way, GTHO. Trust your gut." That one has served me well so many times that I've lost count.

I hear ya. In my line of work I've developed good instincts but at the cost of a very pessimistic, cynical outlook on life. Unfortunately, I see it proved correct time and time again on a daily basis.

 

[ghost19]

...you've read my other threads brother, you know it doesn't.....

I can definitely see your point sir. Someday I hope to shake your hand and tell you that in person, and we'll be well met on the path of the beam.

 

[Agincourt Concierge]

He's back. Bless his heart. Thanks guys, i'm a numpty...

YAY .... you can quick pulling back the curtains now ....

 

[staropeace]

I grew up in Newfoundland. We always went out without our parents from a young age. There was nothing really to worry about. No crime...small village.

 

[mustangclaire]

You've all been so helpful. All of you. I'm very lucky, we live in a small village in the countryside here in the UK. No gangs. I'd love him to have the child hood I had (in the "safe" terms). It's that crossing the bridge between having them by your side 24/7 and letting them start to roam on their own. Kids eh, ruddy things don't come with instruction manuals

 

[Winter]

Valid point--it would have been better to say that being a parent has to come before being a friend. Doesn't mean being a friend isn't possible, but that it can't be first, KWIM? And you're completely right--every situation and every kid is different. No worries--I don't take disagreement as an attack--lol

I always worry about 'tone'....btw whats KWIM?

 

[FlakeNoir]

Didn’t make it. No interstate highways back then. Soon after we got across the NY border, traffic came to a complete halt. Many of the cars were just abandoned on the roads and the kids just hitchhiked to the concert. My friend’s older brother and his friend decided they would also hitchhike there and stay until it ended, but couldn’t do it with us younger kids. So they drove us back, threw us out of the car at my parent’s house, and went back to the concert. When we got into the house the jig was up because my mother knew what we had done, and she specifically told me I couldn’t go - even with my cousin who went (I tried to convince her beforehand that it was an art festival -- as it was actually called the Woodstock Music & Art Fair, and I wanted to become an artist at the time). So I went to Woodstock and all I got was a beating from a mad Irish mother, and a T-shirt from my friend’s brother. Also, my brothers friend said by the time Hendrix played, just about everyone had already left -- so pretty much no one saw Hendrix.

I hitchhiked to Wellington (our capital city) when I was (can't remember, probably wasn't too sober ) to see The Proclaimers... excellent concert, ended up sleeping in somebody's lounge and got a lift home with a nun the next day.

 

[GNTLGNT]

I can definitely see your point sir. Someday I hope to shake your hand and tell you that in person, and we'll be well met on the path of the beam.

...we shall, and I will be the one honored...and Ghost?...knock off the "sir" we both work for a living!!...

 

[GNTLGNT]

I always worry about 'tone'....btw whats KWIM?

What is KWIM?
KWIM is "Know What I Mean?"

 

[skimom2]

I always worry about 'tone'....btw whats KWIM?

Know What I Mean Sorry--acronyms become a crutch (and can be as much an issue as tone).

 

[Spideyman]

Has anyone used one of those gps trackers ? They are popular in rural areas for helping keep track of children. Backpacks now have them too.

 

[ghost19]

Has anyone used one of those gps trackers ? They are popular in rural areas for helping keep track of children. Backpacks now have them too.

I have the feature activated on my kid's phone, but keeping the feature on uses up the battery quicker I've noticed. And then, of course, he forgets to charge it then the phone is dead the next time he needs it.....oh to be 9 years old...lol

 

[Winter]

There is an app called find a friend or something like, and it uses GPS and maps on your phone. My Dad uses it with his wife as they live far out of town and she travels in and out in the dark a lot. Great idea. If I had it on my girls phone it would have saved me the fun of phoning the school to make sure she got there ok on her scooter today, when she didnt text to say she was there...or answer it when I rung!

 

[Neesy]

Glad to hear it. Ten years old nowadays seems like 5 five years old when I was a kid. At five, I was coming home from school by myself, doing chores, it was just common place, just about all of my friends and I were "latch key" kids. I lived in a much, much smaller community than my son is growing up in so I know that is one difference but he just doesn't seem as...I don't know...paranoid...as I think he should be. Getting old is a pain in the arse sometimes. Trying to impart knowledge you've obtained over years of experience to a 9 year old is just sometimes friggin' impossible. Do you burst their bubble of innocence? Do you let them know exactly who or what may be out there without coming off as a paranoid, over-protective "drag" of a parent? I sometimes don't like how much time he spends playing video games, but then I think to myself "at least he's here, in the house, where I know he's at least safe from what I know for a fact is lurking out there." I usually check myself when I walk into his room and are about to tell him to go outside and play or just get out from in front of the TV for a while. What if he goes out to the woods behind our house and never comes back? What if someone is out there, waiting, watching for a kid by himself? If that happened, after I smoked the person responsible of course, how the hell could I ever forgive myself? Is it possible to be a good parent and your kid's friend? I was never friends with my dad, but I was sure as hell afraid of him and the lessons he taught me about not trusting people offering rides or anything else stuck like glue in my mind and still do. I don't want to make my kid deathly afraid of me but how do you strike that balance? Is it possible? Guess I'll find out in a few years. He still thinks I'm cool right now, but I figure that will end sometime in the next few years. There doesn't seem to be any instruction manuals for kids no matter how old they get. As they get older, you seem to just trade one set of hurdles for another. Can I be seven years old again please?

Reading the short story "The Library Policeman" does not help, either! that was pretty horrible