Unexpected feeling of happiness....

[Srbo]

I don`t exactly know how to put this in words, but I`ll try:
Sometimes, I get a feeling of total happiness and of being in deep peace with everything.
There is no special reason for it, nothing changed since yesterday, no raise, no presents, nothing at all...and yet, out of nowhere, happiness hits me hard.
Smiling for no reason, goofing around with my wife and kid, I fell like I`m a kid again and I can be silly to no end.
And then, in the middle of all that...I get somehow scared.
I ask myself why do I deserve that feeling, what happened and...is something bad going to happen in the near future, do I have to pay somehow for this happiness?
I don`t know why that is, maybe because I went through a lot of bad things in my life and I simply don`t know how to handle happiness, what to do with it...
And then I wait for a bad thing to happen....and it usually doesn`t.
But it ruins that feeling and it shouldn`t, why should I not be allowed to be happy for no reason?

Does this ever happen to you, are there other people who think that, if they allow themselves a smile and a feeling of warm happiness, something bad is gonna happen as payback?
I hope you understand what I mean.
Love and lights, my friends and family.

 

[GNTLGNT]

I don`t exactly know how to put this in words, but I`ll try:
Sometimes, I get a feeling of total happiness and of being in deep peace with everything.
There is no special reason for it, nothing changed since yesterday, no raise, no presents, nothing at all...and yet, out of nowhere, happiness hits me hard.
Smiling for no reason, goofing around with my wife and kid, I fell like I`m a kid again and I can be silly to no end.
And then, in the middle of all that...I get somehow scared.
I ask myself why do I deserve that feeling, what happened and...is something bad going to happen in the near future, do I have to pay somehow for this happiness?
I don`t know why that is, maybe because I went through a lot of bad things in my life and I simply don`t know how to handle happiness, what to do with it...
And then I wait for a bad thing to happen....and it usually doesn`t.
But it ruins that feeling and it shouldn`t, why should I not be allowed to be happy for no reason?

Does this ever happen to you, are there other people who think that, if they allow themselves a smile and a feeling of warm happiness, something bad is gonna happen as payback?
I hope you understand what I mean.
Love and lights, my friends and family.

....understand perfectly....seems to me, that it's people who have suffered in some way they don't ever expect nice things to happen-and if they do, Karma is going to balance the scale in a heartbeat....

 

[Srbo]

....understand perfectly....seems to me, that it's people who have suffered in some way they don't ever expect nice things to happen-and if they do, Karma is going to balance the scale in a heartbeat....

Yes, my brother, exactly that, that`s how I feel.

 

[rockerchick]

No. I can't say it's ever happened to me. I lead a pretty miserable life in general.

 

[Neesy]

No. I can't say it's ever happened to me. I lead a pretty miserable life in general.

((((Starchild)))) - sending you some good vibes - things will more than likely turn around for you. You just need time to get over any past hurts.

Here is hoping that your future improves and is better - it is never too late to find happiness (sometimes it just sneaks up on you when you least expect it!)

 

[GNTLGNT]

No. I can't say it's ever happened to me. I lead a pretty miserable life in general.

...because you allow yourself to be led that way....start living for YOU....instead of wallowing in past hurts and deceptions....

 

[carrie's younger brother]

I don`t exactly know how to put this in words, but I`ll try:
Sometimes, I get a feeling of total happiness and of being in deep peace with everything.
There is no special reason for it, nothing changed since yesterday, no raise, no presents, nothing at all...and yet, out of nowhere, happiness hits me hard.
Smiling for no reason, goofing around with my wife and kid, I fell like I`m a kid again and I can be silly to no end.
And then, in the middle of all that...I get somehow scared.
I ask myself why do I deserve that feeling, what happened and...is something bad going to happen in the near future, do I have to pay somehow for this happiness?
I don`t know why that is, maybe because I went through a lot of bad things in my life and I simply don`t know how to handle happiness, what to do with it...
And then I wait for a bad thing to happen....and it usually doesn`t.
But it ruins that feeling and it shouldn`t, why should I not be allowed to be happy for no reason?

Does this ever happen to you, are there other people who think that, if they allow themselves a smile and a feeling of warm happiness, something bad is gonna happen as payback?
I hope you understand what I mean.
Love and lights, my friends and family.

Do you suffer from anxiety? I do. I go through what you described. Those periods of what you describe as happiness I describe as clarity. When I feel that way I wonder "Is this what it feels like to live without being anxious?" I suppose it does. I've been it therapy and taken medication for this condition. I stopped both a number of years ago. The medication because it made me a zombie and the therapy because I took it as far as it could go at that point. It helped a lot though and made me understand what anxiety is, where it comes from (for me) and how to deal with it and try to control it.

 

[mal]

I've experienced euphoric happiness a few times in my life but usually I'm suspicious of other peoples motives so I keep my heart quite well hidden and protected, although I do let it out from time to time because it needs the sun. I think hanging onto your childhood happiness and recognizing it as an adult is uber positive because that is where most of the truth lies.

 

[king family fan]

Some days coming to the board and seeing you all post ,brings out my happiness. I may laugh,cry,smile never know what will get your emotions .

 

[HollyGolightly]

I know what you mean Srbo - I think it's a bit of what GNTLGNT and carrie's younger brother said . When a lot of bad stuff has happened - you just don't trust those moments of bliss. And generalized anxiety is a beast to live with. carrie's younger brother Eureka! I'd never thought of it as "this must be what it feels like to not have anxiety". But that's it exactly. I've done my tour of duty with therapy and meds (I quite them in February and I'm feeling good). I've learned for me it's mostly self talk. I have to shut that negative witch in my head down all the time. Embrace the happiness!! (and tell me please how to do it). My husband is really good at handling me. He can tell when I'm ruminating and he'll ask me random nonsense questions, start planning our retirement, make lists of things we love, do a jigsaw puzzle with me - anything to get me out of my head. It works.

 

[HollyGolightly]

Some days coming to the board and seeing you all post ,brings out my happiness. I may laugh,cry,smile never know what will get your emotions .

 

[Srbo]

No. I can't say it's ever happened to me. I lead a pretty miserable life in general.

Sorry to hear that, I hope that will change soon...

 

[Srbo]

Do you suffer from anxiety? I do. I go through what you described. Those periods of what you describe as happiness I describe as clarity. When I feel that way I wonder "Is this what it feels like to live without being anxious?" I suppose it does. I've been it therapy and taken medication for this condition. I stopped both a number of years ago. The medication because it made me a zombie and the therapy because I took it as far as it could go at that point. It helped a lot though and made me understand what anxiety is, where it comes from (for me) and how to deal with it and try to control it.

Yes, I do suffer from that and PTSD, remnants of the civil war back in the old country.
Like I said, a lot of bad stuff happened in my life, so that maybe is why all this is happening.
Thanks for sharing.

 

[Srbo]

I've experienced euphoric happiness a few times in my life but usually I'm suspicious of other peoples motives so I keep my heart quite well hidden and protected, although I do let it out from time to time because it needs the sun. I think hanging onto your childhood happiness and recognizing it as an adult is uber positive because that is where most of the truth lies.

I had a pretty awesome childhood and parents, so yes, clinging onto those memories is helping a lot.

 

[Srbo]

Some days coming to the board and seeing you all post ,brings out my happiness. I may laugh,cry,smile never know what will get your emotions .

You are awesome. It is an honor knowing you.

 

[Srbo]

I know what you mean Srbo - I think it's a bit of what GNTLGNT and carrie's younger brother said . When a lot of bad stuff has happened - you just don't trust those moments of bliss. And generalized anxiety is a beast to live with. carrie's younger brother Eureka! I'd never thought of it as "this must be what it feels like to not have anxiety". But that's it exactly. I've done my tour of duty with therapy and meds (I quite them in February and I'm feeling good). I've learned for me it's mostly self talk. I have to shut that negative witch in my head down all the time. Embrace the happiness!! (and tell me please how to do it). My husband is really good at handling me. He can tell when I'm ruminating and he'll ask me random nonsense questions, start planning our retirement, make lists of things we love, do a jigsaw puzzle with me - anything to get me out of my head. It works.

Very glad you have such positive support in your life.
Some things we just can`t do alone, thank God that there are still people around who are willing to help.

 

[AnnaMarie]

I don`t exactly know how to put this in words, but I`ll try:
Sometimes, I get a feeling of total happiness and of being in deep peace with everything.
There is no special reason for it, nothing changed since yesterday, no raise, no presents, nothing at all...and yet, out of nowhere, happiness hits me hard.
Smiling for no reason, goofing around with my wife and kid, I fell like I`m a kid again and I can be silly to no end.
And then, in the middle of all that...I get somehow scared.
I ask myself why do I deserve that feeling, what happened and...is something bad going to happen in the near future, do I have to pay somehow for this happiness?
I don`t know why that is, maybe because I went through a lot of bad things in my life and I simply don`t know how to handle happiness, what to do with it...
And then I wait for a bad thing to happen....and it usually doesn`t.
But it ruins that feeling and it shouldn`t, why should I not be allowed to be happy for no reason?

Does this ever happen to you, are there other people who think that, if they allow themselves a smile and a feeling of warm happiness, something bad is gonna happen as payback?
I hope you understand what I mean.
Love and lights, my friends and family.

My (adult) niece believes for every positive force in the world there is an equal negative force. Some days she gets really stressed about it because she had a really good day...therefore she feels she is due an equally really bad day.

Some days I can laugh her out of it. That does not mean laughing AT her. One thing I often get her to see is that even if she is correct, there is so much horror in the world that her really good has already been more than offset by it.

And, I believe you, personally, have had enough true horror that you are owed the really good to offset it. (Assuming there is a necessity for equalizing good and bad.)

~~~

I'm glad you have some really fun and funny days with your wife and daughter. And when it strikes your mind that *maybe you don't deserve it* concentrate on whether or not they do. Maybe that will help. (I'm no psychiatrist or anything....just trying to help.)

 

[Srbo]

My (adult) niece believes for every positive force in the world there is an equal negative force. Some days she gets really stressed about it because she had a really good day...therefore she feels she is due an equally really bad day.

Some days I can laugh her out of it. That does not mean laughing AT her. One thing I often get her to see is that even if she is correct, there is so much horror in the world that her really good has already been more than offset by it.

And, I believe you, personally, have had enough true horror that you are owed the really good to offset it. (Assuming there is a necessity for equalizing good and bad.)

~~~

I'm glad you have some really fun and funny days with your wife and daughter. And when it strikes your mind that *maybe you don't deserve it* concentrate on whether or not they do. Maybe that will help. (I'm no psychiatrist or anything....just trying to help.)

So, your niece is like me, or I am like her.. I`m very glad you are supporting her.
Do my ladies deserve happiness?
But of course, I live for them and I understand that if I`m not happy, they can`t be either...
Some days are hard to plaster a smile on your face when you don`t feel like it, but I do the best I can to make their life a fairy tale...

Thank you so much for commenting and trying to help.

 

[AnnaMarie]

So, your niece is like me, or I am like her.. I`m very glad you are supporting her.
Do my ladies deserve happiness?
But of course, I live for them and I understand that if I`m not happy, they can`t be either...
Some days are hard to plaster a smile on your face when you don`t feel like it, but I do the best I can to make their life a fairy tale...

Thank you so much for commenting and trying to help.

Forcing a phoney happiness is exhausting, and I am NOT suggesting that at all. Just hoping if you try, in that moment, to change your thinking, it might help. Not the first time, but over time, maybe when your mind goes to "do I deserve this" it will immediately go to "they DO deserve this".

(My original post may have not been clear in what I meant. I absolutely believe they--and you-- deserve the happiness.)

 

[Srbo]

Forcing a phoney happiness is exhausting, and I am NOT suggesting that at all. Just hoping if you try, in that moment, to change your thinking, it might help. Not the first time, but over time, maybe when your mind goes to "do I deserve this" it will immediately go to "they DO deserve this".

(My original post may have not been clear in what I meant. I absolutely believe they--and you-- deserve the happiness.)

Oh no, no worries, I understood very well what you meant and thank you once again.