This:
The Federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington,D.C in conjunction with some other relevant Investigations Agencies here in the United states of America have recently been informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you presently have a transaction going on with the Central bank of Nigeria (CBN). As regard to your over-due contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favor accordingly.
part of an email I received from a Mr James Comey, F.B.I. Looks like I won the lottery! I think this explains that static on the phone last week...that and the loss of dial-tone. Don't recall any transactions with a bank...was trying to pick up a router bit, maybe that was it?