My solution to this problem would be, read this: Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again by Jeffrey Young, Ph.D. and Janet Klosko, Ph.D. this book is the basis for a relatively recent therapy practice, that deals with "schemas".
From reading your post I recognise myself. I have had these fears in all relationships I have had and all my relationships have failed because of it. But it can be helped, believe me. I have the same schema as you: Abandonment. It doesn't mean that you necessarily have been abandoned at any point in your life but it could mean that there are situations at a very young age that you would have perceived as an abandonment. You didn't have the words then to rationalize it so your psyche has processed it emotionally and it's this emotion you carry around unless you work against it. I am currently working on this myself as this has plagued my whole life. I know that we end up pushing people away with these feelings, but I know how strong they are when they take hold and if this is not worked on, we go through life putting ourselves in negative situations, and we end up losing what we care most about, because that's what unconsciously expect, and when it happens we say: " I knew it". The schema, no matter how painful it is when it arises is in fact our comfort zone, as we know it so well. I'm not normally one to share my personal life on on line forums but I so understand what you're going through that I can't help but want to reach out. Just reading the book would be a massive help I'm sure. That's it. I wish you the very best Jojo87, I don't know you but you have my full support.xxx
Last edited:
