Dear Web Site Visitors,
Those of you who are familiar with the wonderful world of television may have noticed that Desperation — probably the best TV movie to be made from my work — has been scheduled by ABC to run, not just against American Idol, but against the American Idol finals! When I see this kind of scheduling, my heart is warmed by how well I have been treated by all my friends at ABC. One can truly say that with friends like this, one doesn’t need enemas. Little joke there. But am I bitter? HELL, YES, I AM BITTER! Oh, well, good work always finds a place in time, and ours may be in the DVD racks eventually. For now, please remember that Desperation airs on ABC May 23rd. Those of you who watch will get a gold star. Those of you who don’t, and watch American Idol instead…well, just remember: I have strange powers. I have been watching you all for some time through your computers. (This is actually a power conferred upon me by the Bush Administration.) I watch you when you eat, I watch you when you sleep, and I watch you when you undress. In regard to this last comment, some of you need more stylish underwear, but never mind; the point is, I will know if you watch American Idol and if something bad happens to you, it will be your own fault.