Quoting you FlakeNoir :
"I had NO idea what to write when my turn came... that first sentence ("Jesus Lucy, you shot me!") opened a kind of scene in front of me.. and I just wrote what happened next.
I've never actually had that happen before in writing. It was a relief because I knew my time was very limited (things happening on this side of the computer) and I was really thankful that words fell out of my fingers like that. (I'd had a vision of having to go back to Deej and say sorry girl, I've got nothin'...)"
You have experience your muse speaking to you. The open "path" from minds-eye to fingers to words. You listened well!!
I'd always thought that I must have been wagging school the day that muse's were being handed out! (mine has probably been off smoking in the girls toilets all these years, the lazy, skiving b1tch)
he hit Rachel but I have to admit he had a point and this is after all, just a story
but after that I liked him back.
Your part of the story was quite intense and had a hint of humor. I mean Nebiros and cell phones... ...not the best match, eh? Who knew technology would save them in the end...
"As she drew away from his poisonous hold, a drop of sweat fell from the tip of her young nose and Wesson followed its progress…. down, down,
…all the way,
...down."
I liked this very much. It had an "Alice in Wonderland" quality to it. Very nice transition.
And the aspirin that wasn't really aspirin...
he hit Rachel but I have to admit he had a point and this is after all, just a story
but after that I liked him back.
Your part of the story was quite intense and had a hint of humor. I mean Nebiros and cell phones... ...not the best match, eh? Who knew technology would save them in the end...
"As she drew away from his poisonous hold, a drop of sweat fell from the tip of her young nose and Wesson followed its progress…. down, down,
…all the way,
...down."
I liked this very much. It had an "Alice in Wonderland" quality to it. Very nice transition.
And the aspirin that wasn't really aspirin...
Thanks Demeter, I appreciate that you liked it so much. I had noticed Nebiros' reaction to the cell phone in Tery's (I think?) part.
I didn't like what Wesson did either...
Ohmygosh FlakeNoir You made the characters come alive and put the reader right in the middle of the action! I actually became worried that the panic door wouldn't hold. Great dialog Thanks for making me bite my nails
Ohmygosh FlakeNoir You made the characters come alive and put the reader right in the middle of the action! I actually became worried that the panic door wouldn't hold. Great dialog Thanks for making me bite my nails
Really cool Mal. Well written and you added so much to the story. Like Flakes, your piece came alive. Poor Alfie! Great stuff! The Zombie heart. Love it.
Chapter eleven began in a subtle, relaxing manner. I enjoy that -- it signals that another round of information is to come, and it lets you have fun with the writing for a bit.
The character of Alfie is a nice addition to the cast. He seems
(or seemed; then again, I presume he will be back; we'll see)
to be a sympathetic type who doesn't know how to handle the world of the intrepid (and of the supernatural kind, to boot). One who can't figure out how to avoid trouble.
When I got to the end of the chapter, I was surprised at how the proceedings escalated so quickly.
Before I knew it, Alfie was killed, and there was the noise of weaponry. I was skillfully lulled into a sense of calm -
- I forgot that we are getting closer to the end of the tale. Soon it will be close; and then the end. The pace will be moving along at this point (even faster than it has been).
I mentioned before how this is becoming a mythology -- hearing Nebiros' plan confirms this sentiment yet again.
Thanks Mal for your chapter (and I liked the use of the zombie heart; never saw The Godfather -- I know, but you read that right -- but I assume this is no different than that horse-head I've heard about).
Yeah, thanks, Mal, I wanted Wesson to have a partner ... back in the old West the Pinkerton Private Detective Agency would supply crews to guard bank gold runs... and today there are often partners in a firm.... That and I just like my recurring golem character...
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