For many years reading was my best escape but for two big reasons I am almost completely unable to do so now. For one, I get distracted by things I need to do or things which worry me. Two, it just reminds me of how much I suck. Here I spent years reading piles of books, learning correct English, hopefully narrative and storytelling basics, and how to be a fast and accurate typist, and all it gets me is to know that thousands of authors have produced millions of books and I've written just a handful none of which are good enough to be put in print by a major publisher. For the life of me I don't understand how I could have turned out so dumb and stupid. I've only woken up in the last three years to how dire a situation really is, which I always believed I could turn around or make better. It's not that I don't want to read, it's just what's the use? My justification for it was that I was in process of learning to produce my own books, and now I seem unable to realistically justify that. Everyone wants me to be "real" and admit how much I suck. Now, Trump comes along as the cherry on top, running on a platform of, "Everybody sucks but me," and despite committing a well-documented string of crimes and misdemeanors, things that, even had I been unscrupulous enough to do, I'd be skinned alive for (and even a few prominent authors and other entertainers have been prosecuted for sexual assault so it's not just that I'm not rich and famous) PEOPLE BELIEVE HIM AND ELECT HIM PRESIDENT, for running on a platform basically stating undesirables like me suck and should be eliminated. I'm just looking around wondering when checkout time is. That's pretty much the central reason why I'm discouraged. If I can use some of my skills to fight this current menace it won't all have been for naught but I do have to get paid to do so.