Kind of worried about my friendship.

[Religiously_Unkind]

I've been friends with this dude named Dennis literally since kindergarten, I consider him my brother (or did, anyway) but since I moved to Oklahoma City we haven't talked much, and now I can't even get him to take my calls. Every time I call his house his sister says he can't talk. So it's been a whole year and a half since we've actually talked and i'm wondering if I should give up on this friendship. It would really hurt me to do so because he is really my only friend.

 

[prufrock21]

Apparently the friendship is over. It happens to everyone. There comes a time when you have other things in mind, and you lose interest. It's happened to me and my pen pal friendships. May isuggesI you find a hobby or some other worthy pursuit.

 

[Doc Creed]

I'm sorry to hear this but, as Prufrock said, it happens to everyone, especially with one's childhood friends. Don't lose heart. Show yourself friendly and be positive and you will attract others to you, friends will come along like bees to honey, I promise.
Just be yourself.

 

[GNTLGNT]

...don't hang on and hope, because it will be even more crushing....dude has left you behind for reasons you will probably ever know....it happens to most all of us in some way....cultivate new ones....lots of lonely folks out there....

 

[Shoesalesman]

My BEST friend, a guy I've known since 1977, stopped returning my emails, texts, calls and knocks on the door about five years ago. I tried to ascertain the reason, but I came to the conclusion that he had simply moved on. Took me a long time to let it go, but after a while I started to fill in the questions and blanks with fond memories of him. Friendships, even the deep-rooted ones, are subject to change and circumstance. Life is a carnival.

 

[Religiously_Unkind]

My BEST friend, a guy I've known since 1977, stopped returning my emails, texts, calls and knocks on the door about five years ago. I tried to ascertain the reason, but I came to the conclusion that he had simply moved on. Took me a long time to let it go, but after a while I started to fill in the questions and blanks with fond memories of him. Friendships, even the deep-rooted ones, are subject to change and circumstance. Life is a carnival.

I do have very fond memories.

By the way I love your avatar, Alice Cooper is one of my heroes. I actually almost met him one time.

 

[Grandpa]

The only constant is that things change.
Any given human being is capable of anything at a given time.
We are the worst judges of gauging the effects we have on other people.

A cellphone analogy has given me a lot of comfort. I know that sounds weird. But I had a friendship with someone a while back, lost contact, and years later looked them up and sent a "hello, it's me" message.

The answer wasn't what I expected. It was on the order of, "What are you doing? Why are you following me?" I said, no, I wasn't, but gosh, I don't want you to feel bothered, and you won't hear from me again. Yeesh.

Still, I really admired that person, and their image and our former friendship (and pretty casual friendship is all I'm talking about) springs to mind from time to time. The cellphone analogy: Their mental image come up, and I swipe it off the mind. Seriously, I just imagine me taking that mind's-eye image and sliding it off to the side, out of sight.

It doesn't really give me answers, but sometimes answers aren't there, and that's okay too. It does help me move on.

 

[skimom2]

Let it go

 

[Blake]

Just try to remain positive all of you above, you can't sometimes get in the mind of other people. People change especially if they have had stuff happen to them. All you can do is say 'hello' and leave your particulars and leave it to them to get into contact with you. This school-friend I know he sent me an email and I sent one back with nothing bad or anything in it just saying what i'm doing and he hasn't contacted me again. He told me his father is a bit ill because someone backed (reversed) a car onto the sidewalk where he was standing or walking and they broke hip so he might be upset or whatever.

 

[osnafrank]

Thats Life.

Grandpa said it pretty well

The only constant is that things change.

 

[Baby Blue]

I've been friends with this dude named Dennis literally since kindergarten, I consider him my brother (or did, anyway) but since I moved to Oklahoma City we haven't talked much, and now I can't even get him to take my calls. Every time I call his house his sister says he can't talk. So it's been a whole year and a half since we've actually talked and i'm wondering if I should give up on this friendship. It would really hurt me to do so because he is really my only friend.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I've been through it too. It's really hard to get over the loss when you don't know what happened (and even if you do, really) but you will make new connections and then it won't sting as much. Sending love. <3

 

[JMR]

*Hugs* I am sorry that sucks. Don't get your hopes up but you cloud always write a old fashion letter with a stamp. Telling him how you feel give your info and just let it go. If you never hear from him you never hear from. Just breath deep and take it day to day.

 

[arista]

I have been waiting to respond to this. I have had friendships over the years that some last and some don't. However, the important part is to remember is that you tried and gave best effort. If they no longer are friends, it hurts.

 

[Mr Nobody]

The thing to remember is, it won't be you ending the friendship. That's already happened. You've done all you can, now you have to let it go.
Remember, too, that as others have said, it happens to us all. I've not seen or spoken to one of my old friends for coming up on 20 years. I had a few drinks and many more laughs at his place while we watched a film, said 'See you later' when I left, and that was it. He never came round, he didn't respond to the note I dropped through his door informing him of my new address and phone number a month or so later, nor did he send anything to the email address I gave his sister when I bumped into her in town. (His family were all perfectly nice with me if and when I saw them, with no hint of any awkwardness or eagerness to get away.) Yet we'd been friends since my first day in a new school at the age of 8. A friendship of 17 years' standing was gone, apparently with no more thought than might have been afforded a passing stranger.

It hurts and, naturally, you want an answer. You just have to accept that it's unlikely you'll ever get one. It doesn't stop you mentally wishing him all the best, but leave it there. You have to cut away.

 

[Anduan Pirate Princess]

The cellphone analogy: Their mental image come up, and I swipe it off the mind. Seriously, I just imagine me taking that mind's-eye image and sliding it off to the side, out of sight.

Wow, Grandpa, thanks for sharing this idea. I am going to start trying it right away.

I am sorry about your friend. A lot of people seem to think it is acceptable to just disappear from relationships without a word. It is one of the worst feelings in the world when it happens to you. You've already gotten some great advice, though. You can't force feelings on someone, so if they are obviously avoiding you, you do have to face that and move on. Of course it is painful and will take time. Distraction is key, in my experience.

 

[doowopgirl]

Like Grandpa said the only constant is change. I recently had an incident with the husband of a very good friend. He refused to let me pass him when I was on the bicycle path and I fell into half frozen mud and sprained my right thumb. He refused to acknowledge his actions and got really nasty. So we still talk, but there is a huge elephant in the room. I actually it will be the end of us eventually. I have to be philisophical. She only makes excuses for him. I mentally shrug because I don't really know what else to do. It will eventually work itself out, but probably not for the best. I see an eventual fading away.

 

[Shoesalesman]

I do have very fond memories.

By the way I love your avatar, Alice Cooper is one of my heroes. I actually almost met him one time.

Thanks, it's my favorite pic of Alice. Met him a few times, he's funny as heck. Great guy, down to earth.

 

[Religiously_Unkind]

I've been friends with this dude named Dennis literally since kindergarten, I consider him my brother (or did, anyway) but since I moved to Oklahoma City we haven't talked much, and now I can't even get him to take my calls. Every time I call his house his sister says he can't talk. So it's been a whole year and a half since we've actually talked and i'm wondering if I should give up on this friendship. It would really hurt me to do so because he is really my only friend.

I want to thank you all for your kind words, you guys always manage to make me feel better.

 

[Grandpa]

I had a conversation with one of my very best friends, and it's unsettling how a little thing can turn into a bigger thing. He was affronted by something I did that supported a family member against what he wanted to happen. I took the high road, I guess, by saying sorry he was affronted.

But we seem to have a divergence in our decades-long friendship. If he's saying, "Place my interests over that of someone in your family," that ain't happening.

We'll keep going on, and we most likely will never speak of it again. But now it's going to be an elephant in the room that maybe only I can see.

 

[Sigmund]

Hola!

I agree with everyone...but.

Maybe your friend did decide to move a long and it happens.

Sometimes weird, bad, sad, soul-sucking stuff happens and one can get overwhelmed. Depressed. Stuff can wear you down and leave you in the dust just trying to catch your breath never mind getting up and continuing. Returning a phone call, a message a text is simply too much to do.

I was friends with a most wonderful woman for over two decades. We had been there for each other for so much stuff it would have been unbelievable that we would ever NOT be there for each other but it did. Phone calls, messages on her landline, cell, work, all unanswered. For weeks. Then a month. I was so worried I went to her apartment and no Cynthia Ann, no Junior, no daughter. Gone. What?! Work? No longer there. Scared the crap out of me. almost 5 years later she called and asked to come over. She was literally in tears explaining to me what happened (tons of crap) and how awful it was and how she was upset that she hadn't returned my calls or kept in touch. We worked it out and resumed our friendship for 10-12 years more. Then it happened again and to this day I haven't heard from her...(Her number is no longer in service and all contacts I had with her are gone. ) So, we go on.


Peace.