I look back on my late teens and early 20's with much reverence and those memories always make me smile. As time goes by and I realize, in all likelihood, there are more years behind me than in front of me, I'm amazed at how my memories of my years at the U of A stay so vivid when other memories seem to fade. At the time, I thought everything mattered so much. I was convinced all of us "grunge rock" college kids were so cool and we were going to set the world on fire. I felt every word Layne Staley and Eddie Vedder belted out on countless songs, smoked two packs of Marlboros a day, drank to excess and indulged in other vices best left unsaid. Unfortunately...or maybe actually it is fortunate, life has a way of kicking in your testicles a few times and those kicks tend to teach you some very important lessons. Personally I think aging teaches you the best life lesson, perspective. Perspective teaches you the girl you once swore you would kill yourself over was actually as shallow and narcissistic as you were. It teaches you how to take some of the raw emotion you possess and funnel it into something productive instead of using it to accelerate your own demise. Perspective makes you realize the woman you have been casually dating, the same woman who is obviously interested in staying with you for the long haul and who is waiting, hoping you feel the same, is the same woman you can't tie your shoes without. I smirk often and shake my head thinking about myself during those times. I always get irritated with myself for being so short-sighted back then, only wanting to bend the world toward what I thought I needed, but only really wanted. I'm lucky to be alive at 41 years old, I told myself back when I was 20 I could care less if I ever saw 30 and did my best to make sure I didn't. I got lucky and met someone who was much further along the path of the beam than I was or ever will be. She is someone who, for whatever reason, was willing to let me figure out what time and perspective can teach you, if you take the lessons to heart as they come. I guess as good an example as any is that it's time to stop typing and hit the treadmill for an hour before retiring for the night. I can only imagine how the thought of walking on a treadmill would have cracked me up at 20 years old. For that matter, going to bed before midnight would have gotten a laugh also. I'm sure I would have lit another Marlboro, threw back another shot of Wild Turkey and told my 41 year old self to "let me know how that lame ass $hit works out for ya", then made fun of myself. Ahhh, to be young, full of yourself, piss, and vinegar. It's a journey I'm glad I survived, but don't want to go thru again. I worry about my nine year old son. I'm very much hoping he doesn't have the issues I had but it seems like everyone has them, just in different ways. That age makes your issues seem like the only issues in the world. I sure hope he has a easier time getting over himself than I did. G'night all.
(followed by water and food. Three basic things necessary for survival (and some form of shelter).
(medical transcription)
