I hope it's okay to start this thread. I don't want to be a downer but I do want to encourage others who may be struggling or dealing with things that seem unbearable. It is somehow apropos to post this on Valentine's Day. Holidays can bring about acute loneliness.
Suicide comes unexpectedly to the survivors; not always, but sometimes. I was standing behind the keyboard at church when my family got the news. My uncle slammed through the swinging doors of the sanctuary like a gunslinger in a saloon and the music halted. He looked blindly around at a sea of faces. "Where's my brother?" he said, and without waiting for an answer he managed to say, "Our sister is dead. She shot herself."
I wish I could describe that moment faithfully, but I can't. At the hospital I exchanged long sorrowful glances with my cousins from across the room and then embraced them. Their mother was gone. Everything I tried to say sounded like it was someone else speaking, like I was remembering something from a dream. There was an edge to everything (the hospital lights were too garish, mourners were too loud) but simultaneously I was in an ocean of unreality. There are times when one feels utterly helpless in life. We prayed. We asked 'why?'. The only thing I could promise myself was that I'd never choose this option for myself because I didn't want to hurt my family and that I would try to encourage others to choose life.
If you are in pain today, or feel no one understands you, reach out to someone. "Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup."
If you need to talk, don't hesitate to contact me by private message/conversation.
Suicide comes unexpectedly to the survivors; not always, but sometimes. I was standing behind the keyboard at church when my family got the news. My uncle slammed through the swinging doors of the sanctuary like a gunslinger in a saloon and the music halted. He looked blindly around at a sea of faces. "Where's my brother?" he said, and without waiting for an answer he managed to say, "Our sister is dead. She shot herself."
I wish I could describe that moment faithfully, but I can't. At the hospital I exchanged long sorrowful glances with my cousins from across the room and then embraced them. Their mother was gone. Everything I tried to say sounded like it was someone else speaking, like I was remembering something from a dream. There was an edge to everything (the hospital lights were too garish, mourners were too loud) but simultaneously I was in an ocean of unreality. There are times when one feels utterly helpless in life. We prayed. We asked 'why?'. The only thing I could promise myself was that I'd never choose this option for myself because I didn't want to hurt my family and that I would try to encourage others to choose life.
If you are in pain today, or feel no one understands you, reach out to someone. "Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup."
If you need to talk, don't hesitate to contact me by private message/conversation.
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- I am glad you got over this and got help from others 