The interior language of a marriage

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skimom2

Just moseyin' through...
Oct 9, 2013
15,683
92,168
USA
I've been thinking about John D. quite a bit lately, and how very much he loved Lisey's Story. Being superstitious as hell about going with your gut and the messages it wants to give you, I pulled it off the shelf after a very long time. And now I remember why I've only read it once before: I was up all night, teary a great deal of the time. With no sleep and eyes that feel like boiled onions, I realized that as hard as the book was to read at 16 years of marriage, it's even harder at 23. To me, the core of Lisey's isn't the hugger-mugger of time/space travel and the long boy (though he is definitely shudderworthy); the real meat of the thing is that inner language and how you can never, never, never know everything about anybody.

I'm 46, so I've been married literally half of my life. HALF MY LIFE. And we were together for a couple of years before marriage, so... yeah. Yet still, surprises pop up from The Man just about every week--random bits and pieces of memories, childhood experiences, thoughts--that make me go. "Well crap! NOW I understand where (XYZ) is coming from. I never knew that!" And we forever mystify our kids/friends/ family with odd phrases that mean nothing to anyone outside our cocoon of two.

Lisey's Story is one of the truest books about a long-term relationship that I've ever read. From the moments when Lisey remembers the times you just have to put your head down and muscle through it (had a few of those) to the highs of being absolutely in sync (and some of those, too), they feel right and painful and joyous and absolutely REAL. This is Mr. King's most 'literary' book, as well. He does things with language and time and pacing and style that are a wonder to behold. I have no idea how in hell they plan to film it (that's another thread, I guess), but I'm glad John D led me back to it (boiled onion eyes and all). I was talking to BH about it last night, the interior language of marriage, and he got got the quirkiest smile... then picked up the book and started reading (a shocker, since he usually reads nothing but non-fiction).

I predict some interesting conversations to come :)
 
Last edited:

HollyGolightly

Well-Known Member
Sep 6, 2013
9,660
74,320
51
Heart of the South
Lovely post @skimom2 - we are going on 23 years as well, and we are both 44 . I need to reread Lisey's Story with different eyes. Marriage certainly has its peaks and valleys - and true -just when you think you know everything about a person -here comes another surprise. Some good surprises, some not so good - we're in it for the long haul.
 

skimom2

Just moseyin' through...
Oct 9, 2013
15,683
92,168
USA
Lovely post @skimom2 - we are going on 23 years as well, and we are both 44 . I need to reread Lisey's Story with different eyes. Marriage certainly has its peaks and valleys - and true -just when you think you know everything about a person -here comes another surprise. Some good surprises, some not so good - we're in it for the long haul.
Exactly. At the part where
Scott is sinking (mentally): Lisey wakes in the night and can't find him, and the thoughts that go through her brain are heart attack, stroke...
Man, that hit home. The first time I read it, we were still in our 30s, but now we're pushing 50 (BH is almost 49)... That sense of mortality is so much greater now. I admit to at least one nightwaking where he was TOO quiet and for my own peace of mind I had to feel for breath--lol. To be in Lisey's position feels frighteningly more real now.
 

skimom2

Just moseyin' through...
Oct 9, 2013
15,683
92,168
USA
I read it both before and after being married. As yesterday was my eight year anniversary, I think this is a very timely post. My husband and I went through the hardest year ever two years ago and we made it. You've inspired me to read it again as a married woman who's now been through the trenches. Can't wait!

OT, a bit, but your comment is so interesting to me. I can't count the couples I've known that have the same 'hard' marriage years: at 6 or 7 years, again at 14-15, and then at around 25. I know 7 and 14 we're definitely 'head down & gut it out' years for us. 25 is sort of making me nervous (lol), but I guess I have about a year and a half to yoink up my big girl drawers and grit my teeth for it :)
 

Shasta

On his shell he holds the earth.
OT, a bit, but your comment is so interesting to me. I can't count the couples I've known that have the same 'hard' marriage years: at 6 or 7 years, again at 14-15, and then at around 25. I know 7 and 14 we're definitely 'head down & gut it out' years for us. 25 is sort of making me nervous (lol), but I guess I have about a year and a half to yoink up my big girl drawers and grit my teeth for it :)
I swear, though, if you can make it through those years you can make it through anything!!!
 

skimom2

Just moseyin' through...
Oct 9, 2013
15,683
92,168
USA
Hmm, years 2 - 8 were tough - the toughest - for us. I know 2 couples who have been married 20 years and are getting a divorce right now. I'm dumbfounded. I hope we don't reach that point.

Yup. It's like someone hit on their partner's Boo'Ya Moon (great metaphor for the places we mostly never see in other people)--that place Billy Joel sang about, that Stranger face--and went, "Nope. Can't go there. Don't want to know."
 

VultureLvr45

Well-Known Member
Mar 15, 2012
2,650
13,707
Maryland
We are a 'long termer' as well (23 this year). I do think there is a bit of truth in the old wives tale of the 7 year 'itch', and multiples of 7 count too...

We are really different people (ex. I love to read, he hates to read. I'm disorganized, he is neat..) from different backgrounds, but I think forgiveness and working as a family team has helped us through some difficult times.
 

Neesy

#1 fan (Annie Wilkes cousin) 1st cousin Mom's side
May 24, 2012
61,289
239,271
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
I've been thinking about John D. quite a bit lately, and how very much he loved Lisey's Story. Being superstitious as hell about going with your gut and the messages it wants to give you, I pulled it off the shelf after a very long time. And now I remember why I've only read it once before: I was up all night, teary a great deal of the time. With no sleep and eyes that feel like boiled onions, I realized that as hard as the book was to read at 16 years of marriage, it's even harder at 23. To me, the core of Lisey's isn't the hugger-mugger of time/space travel and the long boy (though he is definitely shudderworthy); the real meat of the thing is that inner language and how you can never, never, never know everything about anybody.

I'm 46, so I've been married literally half of my life. HALF MY LIFE. And we were together for a couple of years before marriage, so... yeah. Yet still, surprises pop up from The Man just about every week--random bits and pieces of memories, childhood experiences, thoughts--that make me go. "Well crap! NOW I understand where (XYZ) is coming from. I never knew that!" And we forever mystify our kids/friends/ family with odd phrases that mean nothing to anyone outside our cocoon of two.

Lisey's Story is one of the truest books about a long-term relationship that I've ever read. From the moments when Lisey remembers the times you just have to put your head down and muscle through it (had a few of those) to the highs of being absolutely in sync (and some of those, too), they feel right and painful and joyous and absolutely REAL. This is Mr. King's most 'literary' book, as well. He does things with language and time and pacing and style that are a wonder to behold. I have no idea how in hell they plan to film it (that's another thread, I guess), but I'm glad John D led me back to it (boiled onion eyes and all). I was talking to BH about it last night, the interior language of marriage, and he got got the quirkiest smile... then picked up the book and started reading (a shocker, since he usually reads nothing but non-fiction).

I predict some interesting conversations to come :)
Okay I just have to ask - what do the letters "BH" stand for - the second letter is husband but what does the first letter stand for? "Best"? as in 'Best Husband'?