This made me so happy to read, Peg!
Since I have been teaching middle school, I have found this age group of kids really thrives on compliments about their appearances. I try to praise them for their academic skills, creative thinking, making a good grade, etc., but the way to win them over and really make them want to work for me is to compliment them on their looks.
I make a point, especially with the shy girl, the boy with giant glasses, the girl who can't afford the clothes the others have, the guy who is going through that awkward pimply chunky phase, to stop them, look them in the eye and say, "Wow, you look great in that outfit." Or, "Your haircut really shows off your pretty eyes." Or, "It's not fair that you're a guy and you have those long eyelashes! Girls will be fighting to look into those some day!"
A couple months ago, a new girl moved to our school. She came in to my classroom, sullen, eyes downcast, a look of sadness mixed with apathy on her face. Her clothes were not the best; she was not studying or listening in class. She has long reddish hair, nearly down to her waist and perfect skin, and one day I told her that her skin was so pretty. She kind of looked at me from the corner of her eye. Several days later, I told her that I loved her hair, never get it cut. She actually smiled at me. "Wow," I said, "how beautiful you are when you smile!" The next week, we had some extra time right before the bell rang to go home. I complimented her hair again, and asked if I could "fishtail" (a kind of braid) it. She grinned and said sure. So I fixed her hair, took a picture, and the whole class made a huge big deal of how pretty she looked. The change in her attitude was almost immediate. Now she talks to me, she comes in the room smiling, eyes dancing with mystery. She answers questions in class and is making better grades. She said, "Ms. D, I can tell you care about me. The other teachers just lecture me on how I need to study and improve my attitude. I like coming to your class because you care about ME, not just how I perform for you."
I will never forget those words. So I try to find that one kid who needs a little boost and say something nice about them. It doesn't always work, but most of the time, that compliment makes all the difference.
When I was in eighth and ninth grades, if I'd had a teacher - or fellow students - that gave me a quarter that much affirmation, I think my high school years would've been much more bearable and productive. Nicely done, Danie, very nicely indeed.