Have you been a victim of 'Rudeness' lately?

[Grandpa]

This made me so happy to read, Peg!

Since I have been teaching middle school, I have found this age group of kids really thrives on compliments about their appearances. I try to praise them for their academic skills, creative thinking, making a good grade, etc., but the way to win them over and really make them want to work for me is to compliment them on their looks.

I make a point, especially with the shy girl, the boy with giant glasses, the girl who can't afford the clothes the others have, the guy who is going through that awkward pimply chunky phase, to stop them, look them in the eye and say, "Wow, you look great in that outfit." Or, "Your haircut really shows off your pretty eyes." Or, "It's not fair that you're a guy and you have those long eyelashes! Girls will be fighting to look into those some day!"

A couple months ago, a new girl moved to our school. She came in to my classroom, sullen, eyes downcast, a look of sadness mixed with apathy on her face. Her clothes were not the best; she was not studying or listening in class. She has long reddish hair, nearly down to her waist and perfect skin, and one day I told her that her skin was so pretty. She kind of looked at me from the corner of her eye. Several days later, I told her that I loved her hair, never get it cut. She actually smiled at me. "Wow," I said, "how beautiful you are when you smile!" The next week, we had some extra time right before the bell rang to go home. I complimented her hair again, and asked if I could "fishtail" (a kind of braid) it. She grinned and said sure. So I fixed her hair, took a picture, and the whole class made a huge big deal of how pretty she looked. The change in her attitude was almost immediate. Now she talks to me, she comes in the room smiling, eyes dancing with mystery. She answers questions in class and is making better grades. She said, "Ms. D, I can tell you care about me. The other teachers just lecture me on how I need to study and improve my attitude. I like coming to your class because you care about ME, not just how I perform for you."

I will never forget those words. So I try to find that one kid who needs a little boost and say something nice about them. It doesn't always work, but most of the time, that compliment makes all the difference.

When I was in eighth and ninth grades, if I'd had a teacher - or fellow students - that gave me a quarter that much affirmation, I think my high school years would've been much more bearable and productive. Nicely done, Danie, very nicely indeed.

 

[Nomik]

Middle school is a rough time all around, although eighth and tenth were my favorite grade level to teach. You have to be regimented and strict, they are wonderful: minds open, ready to learn, but they will manipulate the hell out of you if you give them an inch. This time of year they are through feeling you out, Don't think for a minute that those heartbreaking stories aren't true - they are.(and they know you might feel bad and ease up) I taught in an urban area where gang violence was status quo. If you can reach a few of them, let them know that you see who they are, and that they can work within their circumstance. They will do everything possible to move forward and graduate, maybe go on to college, if they have an adult who encourages them.

I think this too. That sense of entitlement. Sometimes I have to spout off at them. Well, really I just give them the stinkeye, but they know what I think of them. The town I live in, ish. It's rampant.

Gosh, that reminds me of something I posted recently! We must think alike!
I don't see a lot of the sense of entitlement here, but I don't live in an area where there is any great reason for folks to feel entitled to anything. Even my middle school/ high school students (although squirrelly) never felt that they would amount to anything. It is nice to see some have!
On holding doors open - I'm the same way- rushing to get the door for someone even thought my hands are full of groceries and child. I apologize far too often. People in reality used to tell me to stop apologizing- I only apologize when I feel that I have caused someone undue stress.
People open doors for me most of the time- I appreciate that because it makes it much easier to walk right on through.
When I encounter rudeness, especially if it is directed at me, I often ignore it. I pretend it isn't happening because what is the point? There's a psychological paradigm and it boils down to this: people often make generalized assumptions about the character of a fellow human based on an isolated incident. e.g. The car in front of you swerves off the road, zigs, zags, and plows into a tree. You might assume that the driver is drunk. Whereas in reality, you saw neither the pedestrian whom they swerved to avoid, nor the cat who leapt into the road.
It's a matter of context.

 

[Agincourt Concierge]

This made me so happy to read, Peg!

Since I have been teaching middle school, I have found this age group of kids really thrives on compliments about their appearances. I try to praise them for their academic skills, creative thinking, making a good grade, etc., but the way to win them over and really make them want to work for me is to compliment them on their looks.

I make a point, especially with the shy girl, the boy with giant glasses, the girl who can't afford the clothes the others have, the guy who is going through that awkward pimply chunky phase, to stop them, look them in the eye and say, "Wow, you look great in that outfit." Or, "Your haircut really shows off your pretty eyes." Or, "It's not fair that you're a guy and you have those long eyelashes! Girls will be fighting to look into those some day!"

A couple months ago, a new girl moved to our school. She came in to my classroom, sullen, eyes downcast, a look of sadness mixed with apathy on her face. Her clothes were not the best; she was not studying or listening in class. She has long reddish hair, nearly down to her waist and perfect skin, and one day I told her that her skin was so pretty. She kind of looked at me from the corner of her eye. Several days later, I told her that I loved her hair, never get it cut. She actually smiled at me. "Wow," I said, "how beautiful you are when you smile!" The next week, we had some extra time right before the bell rang to go home. I complimented her hair again, and asked if I could "fishtail" (a kind of braid) it. She grinned and said sure. So I fixed her hair, took a picture, and the whole class made a huge big deal of how pretty she looked. The change in her attitude was almost immediate. Now she talks to me, she comes in the room smiling, eyes dancing with mystery. She answers questions in class and is making better grades. She said, "Ms. D, I can tell you care about me. The other teachers just lecture me on how I need to study and improve my attitude. I like coming to your class because you care about ME, not just how I perform for you."

I will never forget those words. So I try to find that one kid who needs a little boost and say something nice about them. It doesn't always work, but most of the time, that compliment makes all the difference.

One year I did a stint as a school nurse for a junior high/and high school. I befriended a young lady in my son's class, she had 2 younger sisters, and a mom that spent more time out and about than with her girls, no dad in the picture. She had weight issues, self esteem issues, hygeine concerns, but mom was no help. I remember geting help from the social worker and we put together a nice basket of
bath and body kinda things for her. She would visit in my office when she had the time, just to talk. The sad thing, I had to call child protective services twice on her mother , due to neglect issues, and her mother put two and two together and forbade the poor child from talking to me. I missed her visits and she did as well. I always wondered what happened to her, because her mother moved away, but I recently found her on facebook through my son. She's doing well and she is still as lovely a person as I remember her to be. She had told me she was always thankful for my friendship and kindness. I'm just glad things turned out okay for her.

 

[kingricefan]

One year I did a stint as a school nurse for a junior high/and high school. I befriended a young lady in my son's class, she had 2 younger sisters, and a mom that spent more time out and about than with her girls, no dad in the picture. She had weight issues, self esteem issues, hygeine concerns, but mom was no help. I remember geting help from the social worker and we put together a nice basket of
bath and body kinda things for her. She would visit in my office when she had the time, just to talk. The sad thing, I had to call child protective services twice on her mother , due to neglect issues, and her mother put two and two together and forbade the poor child from talking to me. I missed her visits and she did as well. I always wondered what happened to her, because her mother moved away, but I recently found her on facebook through my son. She's doing well and she is still as lovely a person as I remember her to be. She had told me she was always thankful for my friendship and kindness. I'm just glad things turned out okay for her.

Sometimes all it takes is a little thing (I don't mean that in a demeaning way, Scott) that turns out to be a huge thing for the other person. You made a positive impact on this girl, something that she never forgot and something that changed her and made her stronger. Ya done good, my friend!

 

[Neesy]

One year I did a stint as a school nurse for a junior high/and high school. I befriended a young lady in my son's class, she had 2 younger sisters, and a mom that spent more time out and about than with her girls, no dad in the picture. She had weight issues, self esteem issues, hygeine concerns, but mom was no help. I remember geting help from the social worker and we put together a nice basket of
bath and body kinda things for her. She would visit in my office when she had the time, just to talk. The sad thing, I had to call child protective services twice on her mother , due to neglect issues, and her mother put two and two together and forbade the poor child from talking to me. I missed her visits and she did as well. I always wondered what happened to her, because her mother moved away, but I recently found her on facebook through my son. She's doing well and she is still as lovely a person as I remember her to be. She had told me she was always thankful for my friendship and kindness. I'm just glad things turned out okay for her.

That was great that you could help her - I am not surprised Mom forbade her daughter from keeping in touch - that is a shame. Looks like she turned out okay though, after all

 

[Nomik]

One year I did a stint as a school nurse for a junior high/and high school. I befriended a young lady in my son's class, she had 2 younger sisters, and a mom that spent more time out and about than with her girls, no dad in the picture. She had weight issues, self esteem issues, hygeine concerns, but mom was no help. I remember geting help from the social worker and we put together a nice basket of
bath and body kinda things for her. She would visit in my office when she had the time, just to talk. The sad thing, I had to call child protective services twice on her mother , due to neglect issues, and her mother put two and two together and forbade the poor child from talking to me. I missed her visits and she did as well. I always wondered what happened to her, because her mother moved away, but I recently found her on facebook through my son. She's doing well and she is still as lovely a person as I remember her to be. She had told me she was always thankful for my friendship and kindness. I'm just glad things turned out okay for her.

That is the tough thing about being a mandated reporter; if a child tells you that they are being neglected or abused, you have to report it.
Tough decision. I'm glad she had someone to talk to.

 

[Mr Nobody]

Watch Very British Problems. It's a hoot! They say in the show that Brits are the most apologetic people anywhere, apologizing for crap they didn't even do.

Well someone had to teach the Canadians.

 

[Agincourt Concierge]

Sometimes all it takes is a little thing (I don't mean that in a demeaning way, Scott) that turns out to be a huge thing for the other person. You made a positive impact on this girl, something that she never forgot and something that changed her and made her stronger. Ya done good, my friend!

Funny thing, she made an impact on my life

 

[Agincourt Concierge]

I have encountered many rude people in my day, the one that takes the cake in my memory.... I was holding my infant son in my arms, trying to hold the door for my 4 yr old son, to go into the post office, when an able bodied man pushed past my son to walk through the door I was holding for Will... it doesn't get much more rude than that.